You Know You Are Old When

[Fuddyduddy1952]

When Dad had his colonoscopy he said he thought the doctor was bringing in a 50ft garden hose. Dad said "just be sure my hat's on straight".

 

[not2old]

YKYO when everyone in a certain thread has had an experience with a colonoscopy.
Prior to getting old the most invasive procedure I ever had was the old finger for a work physical.

My worst was an ultrasound of the prostrate. The problems stemmed from the old head nurse being a real witch. I started swearing at her the third time she left the door open and I could see people walking by while this was being done. One of the other nurses actually thanked me as the doctor asked what had happened and then tore a strip off her.

 

[drssg]

If you have never read the Dave Barry colonoscopy column, I recommend it.

https://www.miamiherald.com/living/liv-columns-blogs/dave-barry/article1928847.html

 

[Jstpssng]

If you have never read the Dave Barry colonoscopy column, I recommend it.

https://www.miamiherald.com/living/liv-columns-blogs/dave-barry/article1928847.html

I put it off for several years because I had nobody to drive me home from the hospital and they wouldn't let me leave on my own, or even in a taxi.
Rather stupid really; after having prostrate surgery I took one to a motel, where I had rented a room. I spent the night, the next day I picked up my dog at the kennel and drove home.
Wearing a catheter and piss bag.

I finally had one when I was 61. Luckily I had no problems.

 

[MossRoad]

Monday go in to talk to a doctor about a shoulder replacement.

Knew it had to be done 15 years ago, but told I'm a bad candidate because I can live with the pain. Talk to a guy recently who had one done, and he tells me the replacement is better for a good time past 10 years.

Was told 18 years ago that a should replacement was good for 10 years. Always put it off because I figured what was the point only to have another one done 10 years later?

If it's only good for 10 years now, I'll probably still put it off.

 

[ultrarunner]

MY BIGGEST FEAR, not knowing what is likely to come out of my mouth when under and I have been told a few by one of my doctors.

Patients sometimes talk a lot…

 

[goeduck]

YKYO when everyone in a certain thread has had an experience with a colonoscopy.
Prior to getting old the most invasive procedure I ever had was the old finger for a work physical.

Ask for a female doctor, they have smaller fingers. Just pray they don't have long fingernails.

Once my male Dr was on vacation and the front desk asked if I minded if a female Dr did my prostrate exam. I said that it was okay with me, but are your sure if it would be okay with her?

 

[Clayak]

My last colonoscopy, and all Drs said I was fine, was done by a woman proctologist. The next day I passed about 3 ft. of white string with what looked like about 3/4" pieces of aluminum foil around it every few inches!
I showed it to family doctor who didn't know what it was for!
I asked Dr about having one since it's been 5 years and was told they quit doing them at my age.

Find another doctor. Early detected colon cancer can be removed. I'm 78 and just had one. i plan on getting one in 5 years minimum. I'm in really good shape for my age the doctors say.

 

[Clayak]

I guess I was in late 50's and my family DR talked me into getting a colonoscopy.

Before they knocked me out two DR's come in and told me about the procedure and what to expect.
When I woke up the older DR said "Well, my young intern did a good job and you are clean".
If I had known I was being used for practice I would have backed out right then and let them use someone else to practice on.

He undoubtedly watch every move the intern did. Some Nurse Practitioners perform them today at some institutions. It's a pretty simple procedure really.

 

[Clayak]

Years ago I was in line waiting for the blood lab to open, I was giving my monthly sample. I struck up a conversation with the older gentleman waiting next to me. After the usual exchanges about the weather and grandkids. He pulls out his wallet and I leaned in to see the pictures of his grandkids only to be very confused at the images I was seeing. What is that, I asked. That's the polyps they removed from my colon last month. No, I said. Tell me you are not showing pictures taken up your ass. Don't show those to anybody I continued. It 7 AM and I haven't had breakfast but if I had you'd be wearing it right now, and rightfully so.

Not to be a jerk, but I hope you are never the first to show up at an accident scene.

 

[Clayak]

I thought so too, I've been out for every one I've ever had. Last one I had was when I was in my late 60s, it was clean. Dr. said no need to have another, if I haven't gotten colon cancer by my late 60s, not likely I ever would. (no history of cancer on either side of the family).

You still need a colonoscopy every 5 years. Find another doctor.

 

[goeduck]

You still need a colonoscopy every 5 years. Find another doctor.

agree.

 

[masseyrider]

You still need a colonoscopy every 5 years. Find another doctor.

I spoke with my Dr. about why they still do such an invasive procedure that is potentially dangerous.
At the time I had been for a CT Scan for something else. They didn't find anything and he was also able to tell me that there were no blockages in my arteries as an aside.
I asked why they don't do that instead of a colonoscopy since it's able to pickup such small details.
Answer was that during a colonoscopy if there are polyps they can get an immediate sample.
I asked how many have polyps. Not many.
So the large (vast) majority of us are forced to undergo an uncomfortable, potentially dangerous procedure that could be done much more easily. For the small number that do have polyps etc this could be followed up by a colonoscopy.
I'm convinced Drs. make more money the invasive way.

 

[Oaktree]

You still need a colonoscopy every 5 years. Find another doctor.

And your qualifications to over-rule my doctor are...?

 

[John0829]

I'm convinced Drs. make more money the invasive way.

Yep, that is the problem with a "for profit" instead of a "for care" medical system.

 

[scootr]

You KNow you are old when you spit tobacco further than you pee.

 

[airbiscuit]

It's like the guy who asked the doctor for half dose Viagra. The Dr asked "do you have trouble getting aroused?" The guy said "No, I just want to quit pi$$ing on my shoes."

 

[drssg]

And your qualifications to over-rule my doctor are...?

To my understanding, it is like many other medical decisions - it varies based on a number of factors. My wife had some polyps removed, and she was scheduled back in five years. I came back clean, and I was set for ten.

Colon cancer tends to develop slowly. A lot of old men die with colon cancer, but they don't die FROM it. After a certain age, depending on the details, something else is likely to be the eventual cause of death.

 

[WinterDeere]

You KNow you are old when you spit tobacco further than you pee.

You know you're old when you look scarier than you actually are.

 

[MossRoad]

Hi Curly. Kill anyone today?
Day ain't over.