Talking to telemarketers

[bcp]

Make list of Asian tractors to keep near the phone, such as:

Jinma Iseki Sato Yanmar Shibaura Kubota Hinomoto Mitsubishi Foton DongFeng

Answer the phone with one of the names, then make every response a short, random combination of tractor names, occasionally with a questioning tone.
-----------------
Ring-Ring

Jinma?

We are installing windows in your neighborhood and can offer a very low price.

Sato Kubota Foton

Excuse me, I didn't quite understand.

Hinomoto Yanmar?

Goodbye

DongFeng

---------------------------
If it happens to be a friend, he will laugh and ask if you have tractors on the mind.

Bruce

 

[murphy1244]

Oh man that was funny! Thank you..

 

[orezok]

Back when I was in college, there was a local DJ named Ricky Spinnn. He used to do these crazy skits on the air. One time he called Berlitz, which at the time was the premier foreign language training method. He created a language using all kind of strange words to talk to them. Berlitz kept getting different people on the line to try and understand what he was saying and trying to determine what the language was. He kept them on the line for about 10 minutes.

It was a riot.

 

[teejk]

Back when I was in college, there was a local DJ named Ricky Spinnn. He used to do these crazy skits on the air. One time he called Berlitz, which at the time was the premier foreign language training method. He created a language using all kind of strange words to talk to them. Berlitz kept getting different people on the line to try and understand what he was saying and trying to determine what the language was. He kept them on the line for about 10 minutes.

It was a riot.

There is a comedian that made a lot of money goofing with these people...Tom Mabes I think...his satellite TV one was great, as was his carpet cleaning one.

 

[bigdeano]

I get so many junk calls I got an answering machine. Let them talk to that.

 

[Otto Syracuse]

When I see a number on caller ID that I don't recognize, I will answer the phone with: "Frank's Septic Service - You poop it, we Scoop it!".
They usually hang right up, if they ask for me by name, I say "He doesn't work here anymore - he fell into a tank and we couldn't get him out."

 

[Tomtint]

A friend of mine had a girl telemarketer call his house. She said Hello, and asked for him by name. He said, do you know this person and are they expecting your call ? .. She says certainly, I know him. He is expecting my call. .. He says what's your name, .. She gives it.. He says .. Well mrs so and so.. This is Sargent so and so... And your friend was the victim of a homocide and we are going to need all your information as well as the details of your last conversation with him because you are now a part of the investigation. ... She actually gave him all her info and he messed with her for another 5 or so minutes.

 

[murphy1244]

A friend of mine had a girl telemarketer call his house. She said Hello, and asked for him by name. He said, do you know this person and are they expecting your call ? .. She says certainly, I know him. He is expecting my call. .. He says what's your name, .. She gives it.. He says .. Well mrs so and so.. This is Sargent so and so... And your friend was the victim of a homocide and we are going to need all your information as well as the details of your last conversation with him because you are now a part of the investigation. ... She actually gave him all her info and he messed with her for another 5 or so minutes.

I have heard this one before.

 

[Al Mac]

I have been doing that for years. Not tractor brands but just made up words.
After the 3 second delay when I answer the phone I know it is a telemarketer. As they asked questions I raised up the tone in the response.
We would get several call a day 5 years ago now we might get a couple a month.

It works.

Al

 

[pmsmechanic]

The best thing we did to get rid of telemarketers was to cancel out land line. We both just use our cell phones.

Next best is if a telemarketer calls and I have the time I patiently listen to their pitch. Once the crunch comes then I double the amount they want and ask them to send my lawyer a security deposit. Most of them at this time realize they have wasted their time and I hear a satisfying click.

Everybody gets one chance with me. I'll answer that particular phone number once. If the call turns out to be a telemarketer the number makes into my cell phones "Do not answer" list. I have 14 numbers in there now. It's amazing how many use the same number. I rarely get telemarketer calls anymore.

I haven't figured out a good way to screen calls that show as a local number. My phone is also my business phone and I get a lot of calls from numbers I don't recognize.

 

[Scrambler82]

When I had a landline I like to just say, "wait a second please", place the phone down and walk away for an undetermined amount of time.
If they call and try to waste my time I am doing the same to them, no one has ever stayed on the line.

Now that we have Cell Phones, no LL at all, I have very few marketing calls, miss having the marketers wait for me and give up, and usually just put them on the Lock-Out List !

 

[rekees4300]

This is the federal do-not-call list. Some states also have lists.

List a Number on the National Do Not Call Registry | Federal Trade Commission

 

[Scrambler82]

I put my name on the House-Phone Do Not Call List and on the Cell-Phone Do Not Call List and one other but the name evades me… without success.
The problem is no one holds the tele marketers to task for doing something they shouldn’t do.
And then there are other countries !

 

[buickanddeere]

I put telemarketers on the speaker phone and use them as training bait for the kids to hone thier skills how to string along and abuse those who require it.

 

[teejk]

I put my name on the House-Phone Do Not Call List and on the Cell-Phone Do Not Call List and one other but the name evades me… without success.
The problem is no one holds the tele marketers to task for doing something they shouldn’t do.
And then there are other countries !

You can report them if you want but these guys don't keep the same number for long. And their other trick is to tell you they called one digit above or below yours and it was a "mistake".

 

[dickfoster]

This is the federal do-not-call list. Some states also have lists.

List a Number on the National Do Not Call Registry | Federal Trade Commission

Trouble is politicians are some of the worst offenders. I just love it when the so called police benevolent organizations call my number too. It on the do not call list. So you're a LEO or politician that is breaking the law by calling my do not call number? Why should I support you? Click.

 

[kcflhrc]

I just don't answer the phone, I don't have time for that crap.

 

[Ford850]

I love the ones saying they are calling from Microsoft about my computer. I answer every question by repeating what they said, but as a question. Then occasionally I toss in a diversion. And I start asking them questions. Drags out for about 5 minutes before they have gone down a path that they have no response. Then dead air. Makes me feel good.

them- "hello I'm calling from Microsoft about a problem with your computer"
me - "a problem with my computer?"
them - "yes I am calling from MS about a problem with your computer"
me - "a problem with my computer?"
them - "uh, yes there is a problem with your computer that needs attention"
me - "there's a problem with my computer that needs attention?"
them - "yes your computer is sending us messages of a problem"
me - "my computer is sending you messages?"
them - "yes serious problem with your computer"
me - "a problem with my computer?"
them - "(heavy sigh) yes we received messages from your computer"
me - "my computer? I don't have a computer"
them - "you don't have a computer?"
me - "no. how do you have messages from it? hey what's going on here, I don't have a computer"
them - "you don't have a computer? yes you do"
me - "no, I don't have a computer."
them - "yes you do. I show you have one"
me - "no I don't have a computer. I have a phone"
them - "you have a phone?"
me - "yes I have a phone"
them - "(confused) you have a phone?"
me - "yes, I'm talking to you on it. did it send you messages?
them - "no, your computer sends us messages. there is a problem"
me - "I think you should call my computer then, not my phone"
...and so on. I love it. I can't wait for the next one.

 

[teejk]

Trouble is politicians are some of the worst offenders. I just love it when the so called police benevolent organizations call my number too. It on the do not call list. So you're a LEO or politician that is breaking the law by calling my do not call number? Why should I support you? Click.

Funny thing about that "do not call" list...politicians and "so-called" charities (I say "so-called" because if you look into the financials of many of them you'll find they spend very little on their purported purpose) managed to get an exemption. My rule is that if they aren't in my address book I'll ignore the call. If it's something that needs my attention they'll leave a message...99% don't.