Never thought I would do this....

hudr · Jan 7, 2006

Never thought I would put something like this in a post, just too weird in front of a bunch of "strangers". But I don't really see y'all as strangers anymore.
Anyway, we lost my Dad this AM. He had been diagnosed w/ Congestive Heart Failure a couple years ago and was currently undergoing Chemo for some bladder cancer that had been found. Mom called this AM about 6 and couldn't get him up. I drove to the EMT substation a couple miles away since that was quicker than relaying directions to 911. They couldn't revive him. But, he went like he wanted to: In his house, in his own bed, in his sleep. He didn't suffer, he wasn't a burden (a big worry of his), and he didn't waste away in some hospital bed hooked up to a bunch of machines. We knew it was coming but we are selfish and definitely wanted it to happen later instead of so much sooner.
I think I'll probably be shutting down my Data Networking sidebusiness and taking over his cow/calf operation. I had come to enjoy it more than the PCs anyway.
Funny, I miss my Dad, but the hardest thing today was seeing my Mom so heartbroken. They both worked hard all their lives and all she wanted was to enjoy their "Golden Years" together. I am also sorry that our third child (wife is 3 months along) will never get to meet him in person.
Anyone who is in a time zone where it is not past 10PM, call your parents now if you still have them. I sat at work Friday night and started to call Dad but it was past 9PM so I figured I'd just talk to him in the AM... but it didn't work out that way.
/forums/images/graemlins/frown.gif

44trxfun · Jan 7, 2006

hudr, sorry to hear of your loss. I can appreciate how hard it is to see your mom grieving. I think your decision to take over your dad's business is admirable and will provide you a direct and "intimate" connection to him, and them. Given that we're all going to go, going in your own home, in your sleep, sounds like the way to do it. I trust your dad's in a better place. He will live on in your memories and stories; your children will appreicate him for who he was and how he influenced you. My heart goes out to you and your mom.

Humbleto · Jan 7, 2006

Thanks for sharing this. I talked to my folks a few hours ago.
They are also in East Texas.

JerryG · Jan 8, 2006

Hud,
Losing your dad is very hard. When I lost mine, it was the hardest thing that had ever happened to me. When he past away my mother had a heart attack, right then in the hospital. Hang in there and keep an eye on your mom. When you have been married a long time it is truly like a part of you left when they did. I am sure that she will need you even more now than every before.

Bird · Jan 8, 2006

( he went like he wanted to: In his house, in his own bed, in his sleep )

I think that's what we all hope for, but it doesn't make the grief much less, does it?

HGM · Jan 8, 2006

( We knew it was coming but we are selfish and definitely wanted it to happen later instead of so much sooner. )

hudr,

I cant speak from personal experience with my parents, but I lost my grandparents who were just as influential(if not more so) as my parents. My grandfather died in '90, he had a brain tumor and I watched him suffer through many changes over the year it took for the disease to finally get the better of him. He changed from one of themost intelegent people I have ever met(could do anything) to barely able to complete a simple sentence. He realized this and would get extremely frustrated because of it and not even speak at times to not make a fool of himself(in his mind)..Anyhow, my point is that when he died, It hurt like ****, but I didnt feel as bad as I thought I would because I knew how much he was hurting before. You mentioned selfishness, thats is the key to it all. Your father, like my grandfather was suffering. He went to sleep peacefully, and now he is at rest. We tend to "selfishly" wish they were still around, though we know its best that they arent. Remember the good times, be there for your mother and enjoy your time together. Also, it helped me remember life is finite, you need to make the most of what you have now things can change quickly.

When my grandmother went, about 8yrs later, she had completed the house they dreamed of in Kentucky, was living her life. She had a boyfreind and got out of the house enjoying herself. She had pancreatic cancer(inoperable). She handled all the arangements, and was ready to go when it happened a year later. To this day, she is the strongest person I know. Again, I was glad to see her rest, but I do miss her.

Just try to stay positive, he knows you love him with or without that last phone call. You'll never forget what he taught you, he'll be with you forever and you'll pass that on to you kids. Try to be happy for him.

jinman · Jan 8, 2006

( ...we lost my Dad this AM. )

Sorry to hear of your loss. I lost both parents many years ago and often think of how they would see my accomplishments and our family if they were alive today. Truly, I think your parents are always with you if you were close to them before they passed. Taking over your Dad's business would surely be something that would bring a smile to his face and pride to his heart. /forums/images/graemlins/smile.gif

Trev · Jan 8, 2006

Hurd,

I'm really sorry for your pain and your mother's. I don't know if my story will be applicable, but it can't hurt to share it.

When my dad died, my mom was lost. She didn't even know how to put gas in the car. She'd squeeze the handle too hard and it would shut off. Many areas of her life were like this.. she had never needed to learn it before.

Does your mom have a computer? If not, get her one. Mine said "absolutely not!" I ignored that and brought one and said where do you want it? It gave her something to distact her.. and she has since had two books published, a song recorded in Nashville, and a way to communicate easily with friends and family. She says she doesn't even mind my saying "I told you so" anymore.

So if any of this applies to your situation, I hope it helps. I know it won't for a while, but think about it.. help her find a reason to go on living and enjoying life.

My best to you and your mom,
Bob

MossRoad · Jan 9, 2006

Sorry for your loss. Both of my folks have been gone for quite a while, now. All I can tell you is the memories get better as time goes by and the good ones really brighten my days. Once in a while, out of the blue, my kids will ask me to tell them a story about my parents. And they sit and listen trying to imagine. Being a parent is a great thing. Enjoy every day of it. /forums/images/graemlins/smile.gif

Nasty135 · Jan 9, 2006

hudr, Sorry to hear of your loss, My prayers go out to you and your family for comfort. There is a blessing in that your father went peacefully in his sleep. And his memory will live on in you and family. I'm sure you will be a good comfort to your Mom and she also to you in this time of grieving.