Neighbor is Not Happy With Me
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jinman
Rest in Peace
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RedRocker said:
If you bragged that the value of your gun collection was 10 times the value of your $1000 trailer house, I might consider that name for you. Otherwise, you can't hold a candle to Pow-Pow Larry.
BTW: I'm having a 40' container delivered tomorrow morning to build a temporary shelter. This next year I'm gonna get my old barn torn down before they start callin' me Crooked-Barn Jim. With any luck I'll get a shop built there before I retire.
SLOBuds
Gold Member
Well, there are a lot of approaches floated here. I always try to be at peace with my neighbors, but get what I want. The objective is to have him or her understand my perspective and even buy into the result I want to have.
Along the way I'll take compromises that are basically OK for me - nothing important though, from my perspective.
These conversations sometimes have rough edges but I always want the thing to end up on a positive note. There are some people on the other side of the table who will not be happy. Ever. I do continue to try to understand the person and try to help him make sense of where I'm coming from. But there are people, though, who just will not be happy.
And yes, I do think better results are achieved when you try to get in front of potential issues. So I try (and fail many times) to figure out who might be affected by my actions, and go out there to make sure they are squared away. Doesn't mean that I succeed. But getting in front of things in this way usually has a better result than not trying at all.
It's darn hard to do. Any many times I don't even see that someone is affected ... blows over my head.
When I was getting my MBA, I had a couple of 'capstone' classes - one of them organizational development. It covered (literally) hundreds of theories of motivation. One of the naive students asked the professor 'So, with all of these theories, which one is right?' Then the professor laughed and went ahead with an answer. He said the right answer was to live by the golden rule: treat others as you would like to be treated.
I said 'you mean, after all this work, THAT's the answer???' It would have made my semester a lot easier if he told us that earlier! But I remember that simple answer to this day. No MBA required!
Along the way I'll take compromises that are basically OK for me - nothing important though, from my perspective.
These conversations sometimes have rough edges but I always want the thing to end up on a positive note. There are some people on the other side of the table who will not be happy. Ever. I do continue to try to understand the person and try to help him make sense of where I'm coming from. But there are people, though, who just will not be happy.
And yes, I do think better results are achieved when you try to get in front of potential issues. So I try (and fail many times) to figure out who might be affected by my actions, and go out there to make sure they are squared away. Doesn't mean that I succeed. But getting in front of things in this way usually has a better result than not trying at all.
It's darn hard to do. Any many times I don't even see that someone is affected ... blows over my head.
When I was getting my MBA, I had a couple of 'capstone' classes - one of them organizational development. It covered (literally) hundreds of theories of motivation. One of the naive students asked the professor 'So, with all of these theories, which one is right?' Then the professor laughed and went ahead with an answer. He said the right answer was to live by the golden rule: treat others as you would like to be treated.
I said 'you mean, after all this work, THAT's the answer???' It would have made my semester a lot easier if he told us that earlier!
But I remember that simple answer to this day. No MBA required! 
BigE_
Platinum Member
I have the good neighbor / bad neighbor scenario. I was warned about the bad neighbor even before I moved in, I didn't really think anyone could be *that* bad, so I made a go at friendship.
Day I moved in, the moving truck didn't have enough power to get up the driveway so we have to unload at the bottom and made 30 trips (1/4 mile each way) with the pickup to unload the truck. To top it off, the well decided to quit working (and our car got rear-ended, same day, but that's a different story).
The good neighbor hears about the well not working, happens to own the well shop in town, and comes over and fixes it for free with a welcome to the neighborhood.
The bad neighbor I meet late that night just as we are finishing up with the unloading of the big truck at the bottom of the driveway. He says hi, and then that he noticed the truck at the bottom. He said he would've gotten his big tractor out and pulled it up the hill for us, but he was busy and didn't have the time. (This from the guy who tried to run over his other neighbor with said tractor and ended up getting arrested for the trouble).
Things have progressed to a point where I just completely ignore him. I tried being neighborly, but that didn't work out.
My passive agressive act is to build firewood storage buildings along the fence line any place his house or driveway is visible from mine. And then I put big ugly green tarps on the back side.
The good neighbor, we chat over the fence, kids play with their kids, etc., so things are good. Four years out in the countryside now for me, and still loving it.
Day I moved in, the moving truck didn't have enough power to get up the driveway so we have to unload at the bottom and made 30 trips (1/4 mile each way) with the pickup to unload the truck. To top it off, the well decided to quit working (and our car got rear-ended, same day, but that's a different story).
The good neighbor hears about the well not working, happens to own the well shop in town, and comes over and fixes it for free with a welcome to the neighborhood.
The bad neighbor I meet late that night just as we are finishing up with the unloading of the big truck at the bottom of the driveway. He says hi, and then that he noticed the truck at the bottom. He said he would've gotten his big tractor out and pulled it up the hill for us, but he was busy and didn't have the time. (This from the guy who tried to run over his other neighbor with said tractor and ended up getting arrested for the trouble).
Things have progressed to a point where I just completely ignore him. I tried being neighborly, but that didn't work out.
My passive agressive act is to build firewood storage buildings along the fence line any place his house or driveway is visible from mine. And then I put big ugly green tarps on the back side.
The good neighbor, we chat over the fence, kids play with their kids, etc., so things are good. Four years out in the countryside now for me, and still loving it.
ultrarunner
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I've got a friend named Ron. He acted as the General Contractor when he built his home.
Just about daily, someone from the area would come by with some complaint or negative comment. Too much grading, trees being removed, more traffic, view conflicts... the neighborhood was simply against any change and angry that the county gave Ron a building permit.
Each time someone new visited the site, he would go over to greet them, shake their hand and and ask them where they lived.
Before anyone had a chance to say much of anything, Ron pulled out a note pad and said, "Let me get your address and the names of everyone in your family so my wife can invite you to our open house." Most people were caught off-guard and did know what to make of Ron.
Last Christmas... Ron was told by the wife of one of Ron's the most outspoken opponents that she had never her seen her Husband so flustered. The Husband said this guy wants to be friends and I don't trust him... their kid now go tot the same class and the families get along fine.
Just about daily, someone from the area would come by with some complaint or negative comment. Too much grading, trees being removed, more traffic, view conflicts... the neighborhood was simply against any change and angry that the county gave Ron a building permit.
Each time someone new visited the site, he would go over to greet them, shake their hand and and ask them where they lived.
Before anyone had a chance to say much of anything, Ron pulled out a note pad and said, "Let me get your address and the names of everyone in your family so my wife can invite you to our open house." Most people were caught off-guard and did know what to make of Ron.
Last Christmas... Ron was told by the wife of one of Ron's the most outspoken opponents that she had never her seen her Husband so flustered. The Husband said this guy wants to be friends and I don't trust him... their kid now go tot the same class and the families get along fine.
hazmat
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BigE_ said:I...My passive agressive act is to build firewood storage buildings along the fence line any place his house or driveway is visible from mine. And then I put big ugly green tarps on the back side.
You should use Blue tarps to match your tractor.
So far I've been striking out on the direct neighbor front. We have met some nice folks in the "neighborhood" though.
To the West we have "crazy guy" who likes to yell at the world while out in the yard. To the East we have clueless Mrs. L who is letting her beautiful old barn rot in place & is letting the yard return to forest. A couple years ago I brush-hogged it for her (gratis), but she hasn't maintained it since. Now there are saplings obscuring my view of the old barn
.The latest whopper is that Mrs L has rented her apartment to a sex offender - her tenant was arrested a couple weeks ago for exposing himself to a couple middle school girls walking down the street
(school is a block away). Mrs. L is in real estate - you'd think she'd do a background check on her tenants living in her house. The guy has done time for burglary. My wife is wanting to trade our labs in for a "more aggressive model" to protect our daughter .Wow! Thanks for all of the advice. I need you guys as neighbors (at least most of you). The high road is the only road I will ever take and is exactly my plan in this case. There is no reason why we cannot be good neighbors. If he does not want to be my friend, I'm fine with that. I have other friends. I will give it time, be polite and courteous, and see what comes of it. I am also fine with ignoring him all together for the rest of my life. This is his choice.
I did not give you the entire story. What makes this a little more difficult for me to swallow is that this house is a home we have built for my elderly parents to live out the rest of their lives in. The very last thing I need is for them to be hassled. I live further back on the property and my house is completely screened by trees and is at least 1/2 mile from this guys house. We built my parents house there because quite frankly, that is the only spot we could afford to build it. Keep in mind that this is two houses on almost 60 acres. It is not like a development or anything. My front field is a sloping 20 acre pasture and their house is at the top of the hill with a great view of the surrounding hillsides. We are very happy with the house and location and are looking forward to living so close to my parents once again.
Oh well, live and learn. Thanks again for the great advice and funny stories.
Mike
I did not give you the entire story. What makes this a little more difficult for me to swallow is that this house is a home we have built for my elderly parents to live out the rest of their lives in. The very last thing I need is for them to be hassled. I live further back on the property and my house is completely screened by trees and is at least 1/2 mile from this guys house. We built my parents house there because quite frankly, that is the only spot we could afford to build it. Keep in mind that this is two houses on almost 60 acres. It is not like a development or anything. My front field is a sloping 20 acre pasture and their house is at the top of the hill with a great view of the surrounding hillsides. We are very happy with the house and location and are looking forward to living so close to my parents once again.
Oh well, live and learn. Thanks again for the great advice and funny stories.
Mike
sandman2234
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Right up my alley!
I live on 2.5 acres, with a 2.5 acre wooded lot next door to me. Nothing on it, but I talked to the owner of it, right after I moved in and told him if he ever decided to sell, let me know. He sold, never said a word. I contacted the new owner, told them the same thing. Then a couple years later, a very small 4sale sign pops up. I immediately called, asked how much, told them who I was, etc. They put the sign up, then sold another piece of land elsewhere and couldn't sell that one due to tax problems(capital gains?). They took the sign down within a week. I had my Mom call, just in case they had something against me, with an offer. They told her the same story, so she gave them her phone number and said call her when they were ready. I came out of the house one day and there is two guys with machette's in one hand and a beer in the other right next to my fenceline. I asked what they were doing, and they said they were trying to give the owner an estimate for clearing the property. The owner's name wasn't right(so I thought) so I called the number they had, and sure enough, the property had sold. They cleared it completely, left about half a dozen trees on the entire property, and those are 5" or less. Then they build a house in the lowest part of the property, exactly 15' from my fence, right across from my garage/shop and the eyesore that is my junkyard. They built a 5500 square foot house, and have almost $600,000.00 in it, so far, and they aren't done. Still have the pool, 2.5 acres of sod, and a fence to go that I know about. Since they built it so close to the property line, there isn't room to channel the water around the house, so that has become a problem. I started stockpiling dirt to be ready when they are done, to prevent his elevation changes from affecting me. The new owner is a little cocky, telling us he was going to "overbuild" the neighborhood.
I do tractor work for all the neighbors when they need it, no charge, but when he asked me about it, I told him I normally charge $60 an hour, but since he was a neighbor, $40 would do it. He had me bush hog the property so they could get to the back of it. They purchased it without ever walking more than 30 feet into it, and it is 630 deep. I wave, but the requests to borrow my truck and skilsaw didn't get noticed in time for him to use them.
By the way, he is a car salesman, and sells... yep, you guessed it, BMW's.
David from jax
I live on 2.5 acres, with a 2.5 acre wooded lot next door to me. Nothing on it, but I talked to the owner of it, right after I moved in and told him if he ever decided to sell, let me know. He sold, never said a word. I contacted the new owner, told them the same thing. Then a couple years later, a very small 4sale sign pops up. I immediately called, asked how much, told them who I was, etc. They put the sign up, then sold another piece of land elsewhere and couldn't sell that one due to tax problems(capital gains?). They took the sign down within a week. I had my Mom call, just in case they had something against me, with an offer. They told her the same story, so she gave them her phone number and said call her when they were ready. I came out of the house one day and there is two guys with machette's in one hand and a beer in the other right next to my fenceline. I asked what they were doing, and they said they were trying to give the owner an estimate for clearing the property. The owner's name wasn't right(so I thought) so I called the number they had, and sure enough, the property had sold. They cleared it completely, left about half a dozen trees on the entire property, and those are 5" or less. Then they build a house in the lowest part of the property, exactly 15' from my fence, right across from my garage/shop and the eyesore that is my junkyard. They built a 5500 square foot house, and have almost $600,000.00 in it, so far, and they aren't done. Still have the pool, 2.5 acres of sod, and a fence to go that I know about. Since they built it so close to the property line, there isn't room to channel the water around the house, so that has become a problem. I started stockpiling dirt to be ready when they are done, to prevent his elevation changes from affecting me. The new owner is a little cocky, telling us he was going to "overbuild" the neighborhood.
I do tractor work for all the neighbors when they need it, no charge, but when he asked me about it, I told him I normally charge $60 an hour, but since he was a neighbor, $40 would do it. He had me bush hog the property so they could get to the back of it. They purchased it without ever walking more than 30 feet into it, and it is 630 deep. I wave, but the requests to borrow my truck and skilsaw didn't get noticed in time for him to use them.
By the way, he is a car salesman, and sells... yep, you guessed it, BMW's.
David from jax
Podunkadunk
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sandman2234 said:
Bravo...I got a good laugh out of this story!
RobJ
Elite Member
Red55 said:
Yep just play it cool, you may have lost him as a friend but you like to keep others if possible. We had some folks build across the road from us at the same time (can't see their cabin). They stopped by one day and the first thing they said is they were going to build their "big" house right out in front of ours. I just said great man you can keep an eye on our place. Well they have since proven to be XXXX with everyone, once asked their other neighbor if they could put their fence on HIS side of the creek (the line goes down the middle of the creek). Of course he said no. I've gotten in with all the locals nicely. Borrow a tractor, hunt, fish on their place, ride atvs on there place. When the phone company came out to put in a phone they parked behind the house, they were greeted by my neighbor with a rifle sticking out the window. He suggested they park around the front and they moved their truck. On the other hand if my neighbors house was burning, we'd all help by grabbing a coathanger and some marshmellows!!
