Dealing with an elderly parent or relative.

[Pete Judd]

I have to build a 32 foot long wheel chair ramp on Sunday, for my MIL that lives on our property. I am also disabled, so moving the pier blocks around is a pain. I will be using a air framing nailer to make it a little better, but she is now in her 70's and the screws that were put in her spine years ago are starting to pull out. She has lost the use of her left leg, and my FIL is having a heck of a time getting her up the steps into the house. She is also getting a little to a lot more nuts, but I think that it mostly due to all the meds that she is on. Will have to install a hoist in the bathroom to get her on the potty, and have to see what the insurance will pay if she needs full time nursing. Might have to move both of them to some kind of assisted living. Tough on my wife.

 

[QRTRHRS]

I have to build a 32 foot long wheel chair ramp on Sunday, for my MIL that lives on our property. I am also disabled, so moving the pier blocks around is a pain. I will be using a air framing nailer to make it a little better, but she is now in her 70's and the screws that were put in her spine years ago are starting to pull out. She has lost the use of her left leg, and my FIL is having a heck of a time getting her up the steps into the house. She is also getting a little to a lot more nuts, but I think that it mostly due to all the meds that she is on. Will have to install a hoist in the bathroom to get her on the potty, and have to see what the insurance will pay if she needs full time nursing. Might have to move both of them to some kind of assisted living. Tough on my wife.

We did have nursing help coming to the house that my mothers medicare advantage plan did cover. All good and well during regular hours but not much help for the other sixteen. My mother had decided that she needed to go to the hospital then while she was in there, a bed opened up at a home we had been looking into so it all worked out that way. One of those walk-in tubs would have been a big help for awhile but in the end, it got to be too much because my mother was heavy and could not help herself at all. My wife has severe back issues and I work two on, two off so I am away from the house to often.

If you have read all of this thread, you may have picked up on what I found out at least for where we live. Medicare will pay to 100 days in a home only if the patient is participating in and improving through therapy. Else, it goes to private pay regardless of time in the home. In my mothers case, had she lived, it would have meant taking the bulk of her SS check. I would suggest that you do some checking to see what homes are available and what your parents insurance will pay.

Meanwhile, I will be seeing the judge in the morning to get a court order to have my mother's remains cremated because my brother would not sign off.

 

[Pete Judd]

The ramp is built, I hurt all over, had the Eagle Riders (motorcycle club)come out on Sunday and give a great hand on the project. I only have to pour about 15 bags of cement on Thursday, and she will be able to use it on Friday. Did it with about 800 bucks in materal, Lots of labor from the club. Also found out that the FIL is down to under 30 percent on the kidneys. So he may not be around too long.

 

[Dick]

Am I having a huge number of deja-vu instances?
My 95 yo mother had same tantrums, delusions, and difficulties toward the end. She would scream at my wife and I when we visited (daily) accusing us of anything under the sun. Then when we left she would tell her roommate how wonderful we were. It got to the point where I had to see the doctor for my stress problem. he gave me happy pills and I came to understand that there was nothing to do except to calm her as best we could and let nature take its course. Don't get upset when the parent rants and raves, you have to understand that it's a way some of them are going to react to what will soon be their passing.

 

[2manyrocks]

A couple of observations--UTI's can make an elderly woman act very oddly-almost crazy. The good news is it is easily diagnosed and treatable with simple antibiotics. A friendly nurse gave me better information than the doctors on this one.

A change of surroundings can trigger dementia. The Docs will tell you to put a loved one in assisted living for 24 hour care, but they won't tell you than changing their surroundings can send them over the edge. Found that one out the hard way.

All you can do is take one step at a time and try to do what's right.

 

[farmfun]

Readers heed the hints provided within.

On a personal note, I wish this thread was around in 2001...

That and don't promise to keep your parent(s) out of a home, because no matter how hard you try the deck may be stacked against you.
The head may know you did your absolute best, but hearts don't often listen to reason very well.

And creditors care NOT, lest we forget it's not in the business model.