Dealing with an elderly parent or relative.

[tcartwri]

Sorry to hear of your loss. My wife and I have lost three of our parents over the last three years. It is a tough time for sure.

 

[Sarazwork]

Sorry for your loss.

 

[mostly_gas]

Sorry for your loss, both mom and brother. Benn down that road with dad and 1 brother and 1 sis. Brother and I reconciled, sis has not. Not an easy road

 

[TripleR]

So sorry to hear of your loss, my mom turned 90 in March and as healthy as can be, but almost died a few years ago when she developed pneumonia; you just never know. Thankfully all arrangements and property were taken care of years ago and all relatins are in tact.

Again, my sympathy.

 

[yelbike]

Sorry for the loss of your mother. That must be a difficult time. I went thru a 3 year period of not speaking to my mother, its been since last christmas that things have started to get better. I understand that your brother didn't speak to your mother, does that really mean you and your brother can't speak? I can tell you life is tooooo short for little things to scabble about.

Good luck, you have my thoughts.

 

[brin]

QRTRHRS, I just saw this about your Mom's passing...So very sorry....I remember getting a similar call when my Mom passed, she too was in a nursing home but passed away in the hospital...When we went to the nursing home ...it was over a week after my Mother passed away due to the funeral, grief etc...someone had stolen her little pouch she kept in a drawer that contained her wedding ring, engagement ring and some other keep sakes...Very sad, my sister was heart broken and I was enraged...nothing we could do...So get to the nursing home and recover her belongings as soon as you can....I had asked my mother to let me keep those things for her and bring them when I visited each day but she wanted them with her and I can understand that...

Again , so sorry for your loss....God Bless.

 

[California]

...someone had stolen her little pouch she kept in a drawer that contained her wedding ring, engagement ring and some other keep sakes...Very sad, my sister was heart broken and I was enraged...nothing we could do...So get to the nursing home and recover her belongings as soon as you can....I had asked my mother to let me keep those things for her and bring them when I visited each day but she wanted them with her and I can understand that...

Re nursing homes, 'trust but verify'. We encountered one drug-addled old RN on night shift in a convalescent hospital who wouldn't give the prescribed pain meds because she was stealing them. She was totally brazen about demanding everyone must flatter her then they just might get theirs.

Mom was near 90 and had a broken hip but she insisted I spring her out of that jail, said she would rather suffer at home without meds than put up with that intimidation. The night shift told me they couldn't release her, and nobody spoke English, so get lost.

Mom was a retired professional social worker, was clear headed, and suggested to me the strategy that would get her out - call in the police on grounds of false imprisonment. I explained that to the staff. Suddenly Mom got her pain meds and her missing meal. Her doctor visited the next day and moved her to a far better facility. Both places looked nice but the first was staffed with underpaid ignorant and just plain mean people, while the second provided the rehab services and care that were needed. Mom recovered well from the hip surgery and lived several more years.

An elder in a convalescent hospital or rest home needs an advocate to assure he/she is getting the care you are paying for.

 

[case245]

i dont agree with a home my mom was gone to put pap in a home i would not let her was raised by him i watched that man in a weeks time go from as strong as a bull to weak as a new born he was 84 when him past on he had bladder cancer IF I WASNT FOR HIM I WOULDNT BE THE MAN IM TODAY he showed how to work my mom didnt teach me nothing i would nt disrespect my grand parents like that my nan died in 2003 of breast cancer to this day if i see an older person trying to do something while im out and about i will offer to help im 34

 

[QRTRHRS]

Sorry for the loss of your mother. That must be a difficult time. I went thru a 3 year period of not speaking to my mother, its been since last christmas that things have started to get better. I understand that your brother didn't speak to your mother, does that really mean you and your brother can't speak? I can tell you life is tooooo short for little things to scabble about.

Good luck, you have my thoughts.

I am going to be blunt here. My father was an alcoholic. Once old enough, the five siblings stayed out of the house anyway we could. We get along but there is no closeness. My brother just does not realize, he is not hurting my mother. He is messing things up for me. With four of five signatures, I have to accompany someone from the funeral home to see the judge next Tuesday to get a court order to have my mother's remains cremated as was her wish. My belief is that once a person passes, the spirit goes to where ever it is destined. It is the thought that my mother's remains sit in cold storage while this is straightened out.

Thanks to all who expressed condolances. My belief is that dying is a part of life. The pain keeps the memories alive. With an older person, it is a mixed blessing and we need to accept that they are going to a better place. A younger person might question our belief in our god. My mother lived a long life. She saw many things. Some good, some not. I hope by starting and sharing this thread, I have helped others facing this situation. Maybe realize that there are things that need to be put in place now not later.

 

[greasemonkeyok]

You are a brave man QRTRHRS to be open about your circumstances, which suggests you are also strong and wise enough to deal with it properly. God speed.