Resonsibilty for your step kids?

[newbury]

If you would do it for your biological kids do it for your step children.

Agree

I think if you are 28 or 32 and you want to go back to school it should be on your dime, not your parents or step parents. If you do this, what will it be next? Car? House? etc, etc.

Is the expectation they will pay you back somehow?

If you are so inclined, have them take out loans and as they successfully complete a class or semester help with the loan payment. that way you know they are following throug and you aren't stuck with wasted upfront tuition.

I give loans to our children at rates I could get in a savings account. Thus the interest for the last decade has been about 0.

At age 28 and 32 they are will into adulthood. Let them work and go to school part-time. They only have two years of credits to earn.

Enough of the "parents should support me" at age 28 and age 30.

Depends, is it supporting or giving a leg up?

Perhaps cosign a loan for them?

 

[riptides]

I came out of retirement for insurance and college costs.

I don't expect anything from the monies that went to either.

I can only hope, that when I am "drooling" that one of those kids will be around for me. I doubt the insurance will.

I don't hold any labels to the kids/adults of second marriages, they are your kids/adults now.

 

[tcreeley]

Talk it over with your wife. Decide for yourself. Remember- helping them out does not mean you own them. This economy sucks. It is good to get the education when you can. Older students are usually more mature than younger students. You may enjoy helping them - but just like going to the casino- only stake the amount you don't mind losing. Loans within family don't usually get paid back. If you do give them the help, be specific and clear what you expect. It will help them with their planning. Find out how much they will need - might be more than you think. Get it itemized. School is 10x more expensive than it was when we were kids - and now that the government is tapping into SS payments to pay off old school loans - helping people out means all the more.

 

[Retiredguy2]

I came out of retirement for insurance and college costs.

I don't expect anything from the monies that went to either.

I can only hope, that when I am "drooling" that one of those kids will be around for me. I doubt the insurance will.

I don't hold any labels to the kids/adults of second marriages, they are your kids/adults now.

SO WELL expressed on your part....know what? I do not have any children of my own because my first wife could not bear kids and love what you say about "labels" as regards second marriages. I told my second wife at the altar "I will love your children like they are mine...."

Thank you for making me remember that !!

 

[Bentru]

Something you might consider: When I went to college straight out of HS, my parents worked out a deal with me. They paid a portion of my tuition each semester based on my GPA from the previous semester. If I got a 4.0 (never did) it was paid in full. I was more of a B student so 3/4 = 75% of tuition paid. It inspired me to work hard.

 

[Retiredguy2]

Something you might consider: When I went to college straight out of HS, my parents worked out a deal with me. They paid a portion of my tuition each semester based on my GPA from the previous semester. If I got a 4.0 (never did) it was paid in full. I was more of a B student so 3/4 = 75% of tuition paid. It inspired me to work hard.

Good point..my parents basically did the same thing back in 1970. But did I care back then then about a 4.0 average...bleep no !! Just saying here that for newbie here on TBN you make an excellent observation and I thank you for your input. BTW I was a "C" student in college....

 

[Shaneard]

SO WELL expressed on your part....know what? I do not have any children of my own because my first wife could not bear kids and love what you say about "labels" as regards second marriages. I told my second wife at the altar "I will love your children like they are mine...."

Thank you for making me remember that !!

Remember, loving your children and enabling them are 2 different things.

 

[riptides]

Remember, loving your children and enabling them are 2 different things.

Yes, but that enablement can lead to the best of things. It's a slippery slope, and every person is special.

 

[turnkey4099]

If you would do it for your biological kids do it for your step children.

A 28 and 32 yoa should be out on their own. Be nice to help them ouit but it should be by a signed loan agreement. We aren't talking aobut dependant children here.

 

[Retiredguy2]

A 28 and 32 yoa should be out on their own. Be nice to help them ouit but it should be by a signed loan agreement. We aren't talking aobut dependant children here.

Just saying here that my spouse goes way out of her duties here to take care of the grandkids for one of her daughters. And it reminds me that when I was 30 years old, my dad tried to help me with rebuilding my house. Tell me...the older I become, the more I realize how much many of today's children actually NEED financial help in many ways. What actually determines dependency? BTW my wifes daughter has 3 kids to care for and I do not in any way try to run nor influence her daughter's life. If I can help, so be it.

 

[JerryK]

No one could make that decision for you. I wouldn't. But you are dm'd if you do or dm'd if you don't.... you can't win either way. So go with your heart..... I'm surprised some one that age would even consider asking....

 

[RNeumann]

Just saying here that my spouse goes way out of her duties here to take care of the grandkids for one of her daughters. And it reminds me that when I was 30 years old, my dad tried to help me with rebuilding my house. Tell me...the older I become, the more I realize how much many of today's children actually NEED financial help in many ways. What actually determines dependency? BTW my wifes daughter has 3 kids to care for and I do not in any way try to run nor influence her daughter's life. If I can help, so be it.

It's not financial help they need. Check out the book "Millionaire Next Door" and Dave Ramsey's main book. If you have a 457 I'm assuming you worked for the government. The typical government employee does well but is by no means rich. Your obligation as a human, and a part of their lives because of marriage, is support- not necessarily financial. The reason this generation "needs help" is because they have been handed everything and believe that someone else will bail them out when times get tough. The schooling they need is to understand that hard work = success. This is the reason for night schools and or night jobs.
Offer babysitting during class and homework, offer a roof over their head for 6 months so they can save or offer to listen as they talk through life goals and how to get there. But rarely in life and almost never with humans is a problem solved by throwing money at it.
Now to be blunt- 100k plus your fixed retirement income isn't very much for you and your spouse. When one of your health fails, or the roof leaks etc etc that will last a very short time. The kids need second jobs- not you and your spouse.
Btw it sounds like your dad had it right- he offered time when you were 30 to rebuild your house- Not money.

 

[hturner12]

I agree with everyone else that at their ages they want to go back to school great but they better learn how to juggle school , work and family so they can pay for it and keep their family going. I have an MBA all my education was done while working full time. Yes I took out loans and grants but that's life

 

[JPRambo]

Are the two 'girls' married/single? Do they have a family income ? My younger son works at a local college and he helps many people get government 'never repay' loans. Have they gone to a school or college to see if they can apply for any 'free' money?

 

[ovrszd]

No flame here. Today it's common practice to accept that adult kids NEED help. That is sooooooo untrue. They WANT help, not NEED help. Doesn't matter what the economy is doing. It's about self reliance. Not sure most young adults can spell self reliiaancce?? Pun intended.

 

[BTDT2]

At ages 28 and 32 continuing education is their responsibility. Yes, that's the same for my biologicals too. I paid for primary and continuing education/trade right out of High School any more is on them.

This could put you out of some serious $ and not go anywhere for them as they have nothing in it.

Right now my retirement is priority.

-R

My thoughts exactly

 

[RSKY]

As the robot used to say, "Danger, danger Will Robinson!"

Damned if you do and damned if you don't.

If you want to take the high road I would sit down with each girl and tell them that you will match whatever funds their natural father gives them. No more, no less. If they cannot get any from their dads you should be under no obligation to help. It is their mom's and dad's place to pay for their education, not the new step dad of three years. If the dad's cannot help you can still come out morally ahead by giving them "some" money to get them started. But you should not pay it all. This cannot be one of those, "I'm gonna quit work, go to school, and when I finish I will get a great job making lots of money" deals either. They must work their way thru. I would also make the checks out TO THE SCHOOL!

I have seen siht like this many times. Seen guys pay off a house for the new wife, pay off the wife's ex-husband's truck, pay for a surgery, pay off credit cards, and so on and then get handed divorce papers the next week. BE CAREFUL!!!!

RSKY

Oh and one of the guys that got screwed over and divorced after paying off the new wife's ex's truck and credit cards helped raise her daughter. He helped put her thru school AFTER the divorce, gave her away at her wedding (instead of the natural deadbeat dad) and has a better relationship with his step-daughter than that that step-daughter has with her mother. You just never know.

 

[RNeumann]

As the robot used to say, "Danger, danger Will Robinson!"

Damned if you do and damned if you don't.

If you want to take the high road I would sit down with each girl and tell them that you will match whatever funds their natural father gives them. No more, no less. If they cannot get any from their dads you should be under no obligation to help. It is their mom's and dad's place to pay for their education, not the new step dad of three years. If the dad's cannot help you can still come out morally ahead by giving them "some" money to get them started. But you should not pay it all. This cannot be one of those, "I'm gonna quit work, go to school, and when I finish I will get a great job making lots of money" deals either. They must work their way thru. I would also make the checks out TO THE SCHOOL!

I have seen siht like this many times. Seen guys pay off a house for the new wife, pay off the wife's ex-husband's truck, pay for a surgery, pay off credit cards, and so on and then get handed divorce papers the next week. BE CAREFUL!!!!

RSKY

Oh and one of the guys that got screwed over and divorced after paying off the new wife's ex's truck and credit cards helped raise her daughter. He helped put her thru school AFTER the divorce, gave her away at her wedding (instead of the natural deadbeat dad) and has a better relationship with his step-daughter than that that step-daughter has with her mother. You just never know.

Say'n what a lot of us are think'n!

 

[tjkubota93]

Make em get loans, then pay off as a graduation present. That way if they slack off its their problem.

 

[jack707]

This should be crystal clear to you now don't do it back away from your checkbook don't do nothing walk away their not your blood.