Your future?

300UGUY · Dec 19, 2012

I was doing some work outside today, cutting down some scrub trees and turning them into firewood. My Kubota sure came in handy. I got to thinking about how fortunate I am, to have the toys to do this kind of thing, and the health to go with it. I got to thinking about the future for my wife and I. I am 57, she 50. We are in good health. Financially, we are doing pretty good. Not in the 2%, but that doesn't bother me. We don't have any kids. And I am thinking about where we will be in 10, 20 or 30 years. My folks are in Florida, in decent health, but closing in on 80. I am the only one who visits them or phone regularly. They want me to move there, but my wife doesn't want to. Her family is mostly here in Michigan. Her folks are about the same age, but her dad's health is poor. I guess I could be happy anywhere, but I want to make some decisions soon, mostly about investing more into my house, making my barn into a shop, and possibly buying some neighboring property.

Anybody else having similar thoughts?

RobertN · Dec 19, 2012

We bought our property with two house, on for the Granny(MIL). Unfortunately, after a stroke she is beyond home care, and in care home. Was a great solution for 18 years though. She helped care for our son instead of day care and sitters, which was nice. The Granny flat was on an opposite side of the property, so all of us had privacy too.

Steppenwolfe · Dec 19, 2012

Pretty much feel the same way, same age, 54. I think this is what happens to us when we mature and have two minutes alone to process a thought. We moved from our home of twenty years on a golf course in South Carolina to 80 acres in rural SW Virginia. Got a big house for the kids to visit, and a guest house for longer stays. I also enjoy "working" on the land with my Kubota and can't believe how fortunate I am. I think your sense of contentment probably comes from 30 plus years of busting your butt to get where you are. Enjoy the moment. And as my Granny used to say " Count your blessings every day ".

Gator6x4 · Dec 19, 2012

300UGUY said:
I was doing some work outside today, cutting down some scrub trees and turning them into firewood. My Kubota sure came in handy. I got to thinking about how fortunate I am, to have the toys to do this kind of thing, and the health to go with it. I got to thinking about the future for my wife and I. I am 57, she 50. We are in good health. Financially, we are doing pretty good. Not in the 2%, but that doesn't bother me. We don't have any kids. And I am thinking about where we will be in 10, 20 or 30 years. My folks are in Florida, in decent health, but closing in on 80. I am the only one who visits them or phone regularly. They want me to move there, but my wife doesn't want to. Her family is mostly here in Michigan. Her folks are about the same age, but her dad's health is poor. I guess I could be happy anywhere, but I want to make some decisions soon, mostly about investing more into my house, making my barn into a shop, and possibly buying some neighboring property.

Anybody else having similar thoughts?

Used to the weather? All your friends live where you live now? Most important where does your wifes friends and family live? Like the neighborhood? Neighborhood not changing? Close to, shopping, medical, etc? Stay and enjoy. Florida is a nice place to visit. I try to get there in late spring and in November each year. I don't think I would like to live there all the time.

Bigfoot62 · Dec 19, 2012

I feel for you. You and the Mrs. will have to make the best decision for you. Good luck and God bless.

For us, it's a little easier. We live on my family farm. So does my mother, and she is the only living grandparent of our children. The kids are both still at home. (college age commuters) And, they are Mom's only grandchildren.
When my in-laws were still alive, they only lived 15 minutes away, so that wasn't an issue either.

dave1949 · Dec 19, 2012

I don't think there are any perfect choices. It's tough having a parent or parents far away. They probably wouldn't be happy in MI, and you aren't ready for FL :laughing:

Living in a northern area, it's also hard to take off for several weeks or a month in the winter, unless you can winterize your house, or have someone looking after it while you are gone. I visit my Mom in Ohio once per year for a week or two, but not in winter. She never thinks that is enough, and my wife usually stays home, which is also some sort of sin :laughing: My brother and his two kids live in the same town as my Mom, another brother in Kansas visits a couple times a year, and a niece lives 1/2 hour away, so she gets visits, phone calls and emails. My Mom is 86 and still driving, so that makes a big difference too.

In another 5 or 10 years, you might look at living in FL more favorably. I think that is fairly common as folks age to want to be done with winter cold, slippery driving and walking, arthritis pains, being trapped inside by the weather a lot, etc. If that is a possibility, then you wouldn't want to over-spend on your current location so it would be perfect about the time you are leaving it.

jerrybob · Dec 19, 2012

You've got to do the things you enjoy and love.....otherwise....life is not worth living. Once you figure out why you're here......the answer you seek will become clearer. Whatever you decide......I wish you the best for a healthy and fulfilling life.......especially if it involves riding a tractor.

MossRoad · Dec 20, 2012

300UGUY said:
I was doing some work outside today, cutting down some scrub trees and turning them into firewood. My Kubota sure came in handy. I got to thinking about how fortunate I am, to have the toys to do this kind of thing, and the health to go with it. I got to thinking about the future for my wife and I. I am 57, she 50. We are in good health. Financially, we are doing pretty good. Not in the 2%, but that doesn't bother me. We don't have any kids. And I am thinking about where we will be in 10, 20 or 30 years. My folks are in Florida, in decent health, but closing in on 80. I am the only one who visits them or phone regularly. They want me to move there, but my wife doesn't want to. Her family is mostly here in Michigan. Her folks are about the same age, but her dad's health is poor. I guess I could be happy anywhere, but I want to make some decisions soon, mostly about investing more into my house, making my barn into a shop, and possibly buying some neighboring property.

Anybody else having similar thoughts?

Sure, I have similar thoughts. I bet a lot of us do. Wife and I are early 50s. My folks are long passed away. Her folks are 85 and 72. They live near us but are fortunate to still be independant. We have two kids, which eats up a ton of money. But we wanted kids and planned for kids and kid expenses, and are fortunate to be debt free for the past 15 years, even with sending them to Catholic school and now one in state college.

I understand you're torn between your folks and her folks and the two locations. Any time there was a conflct between which set of parents would get our attention (although that rarely, rarely happened and both our folks always did the best to coordinate events) and I had to make a decision that King Solomon would shy from, I would justify it with the following bible passage (I was raised Catholic, but am now voting independant :laughing

Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his
wife: and they shall be one flesh.

That means wife's family gets priority if you can't deal with both familys' needs at the same time. Its a tie breaker. Only had to invoke it perhaps a couple times in 32 years. I'd like to think my mom was proud of me when I told her my decision and my reasoning. You should really think about things like this before you get married, but most folks don't as it seems so far away when your parents will get old and before you know it, mom and pops are in their 80s and needing a little assistance sometimes. Wife and I dated for 6 years, so we thought we knew what we were getting into. And surprise... people change over time. :laughing: Forutnately, we remain compatible and her folks treat me like I am their own son and I would do anything to make their golden years comfortable.

I have a brother-in-law that argues with his wife over holiday meals and where they will spend them. Both sets of folks are only 30 minutes apart and you'd think it will kill them to spend time with both sets of parents on a holiday. Its no way to build a lasting relationship with your spouse. Anyhow, have contingency plans should one set of parents suddenly need assistance, and visit both sets as much as possible.

Do your Florida folks have a computer with Skype? We thought sending our oldest to college was going to be hard, by Skype really, really works well for a face-to-face conversation VS a phone call. Just seeing the facial expressions makes things a lot closer. Give it a try if its possible. :thumbsup:

Soundguy · Dec 20, 2012

my mil is about to the point she can't live on her own.

same state, just across the state. so far I make weekly trips over to maintain her house.

gonna be making a decision soon on where she lives.

good luck

dmccarty · Dec 20, 2012

I can see the logic of moving south to avoid the winter up Nawth and if the state of MI is having money issues that might be important regarding a move...

Having said that, there is no way in heck I would move back to FLA. The state has changed too much for me. Too crowded. It is also hot and humid down there for too many months. :shocked:

I still have family in FLA who I had hopped would move to NC but the house market crash stopped the move from happening. I doubt a move will happen until the family members can no longer care for themselves and then they will move to NC. I knew people who moved to FLA after WWII, and when they retired, they moved to NC. :laughing::laughing::laughing: There was a group of a half dozen or so ex Floridians who had retired and were leaving as neighbors up in the NC mountains. They did not know each other in FLA but they all ended up in the same place in NC. The got tired of FLA's two seasons, hot and HOTTER, :laughing::laughing::laughing: so they moved to NC to have four seasons.

The wifey's family is in NC but a few hours away. Their health is ok but declining. One side of the family is living in the country and is thinking of moving back into town to be near family but selling their house is going to be problematic due to the market and their local conditions.

We bought our land and built a house with the idea of never moving. I hope that plan works but they way our county is changing and if we get taken over by the nearby town things could change. I really don't want to buy much less build another house but ya gotta do what ya gotta do. If we had to move we might stay in the same county but move farther out or move to another county. Depending on family I might be tempted to move west though I would be a much older man. :laughing::laughing::laughing:

We plan to build a garage with a MIL/FIL suite. We have various floor plans and we bought extra brick when we built the house. At this point, we don't have the money for the garage/suite and thankfully nobody in the family needs the space....

Later,
Dan