You Know You Are Old When

[WinterDeere]

My grandfather was a physician. One patient he said had an elephant head tattooed on his chest and the trunk was his ****.

Why not get something useful, like... "Dear embalmer: Please try CPR, one last time."

 

[Fuddyduddy1952]

Why not get something useful, like... "Dear embalmer: Please try CPR, one last time."

He had lots of great stories like the elderly couple that saw him because they were constipated so he gave them rectal suppositories. The next day they came back saying not only they didn't work they were also painful. Grandfather checked them and said first you have to take them out the foil wrapper.
Then the old guy with prostate trouble kept dripping pee, so Grandad put a rubber band around it and guy calls a cab. A while later comes back, his pants all wet. He said "halfway home the rubber band broke. Can I have another one?".
Another patient was upset having wooden legs. Grandad said "look on the bright side, you can hold your socks up with a thumbtack".
My Dad had him remove his hemorrhoids in his office downtown. My grandfather put a kotex on Dad to stop the bleeding. Dad was walking to his car and saw a guy leaning up against the building chewing tobacco when Dad felt kotex slipping. Dad said when he shook it out onto the sidewalk the guy swallowed his chew.

 

[airbiscuit]

Or like the guy that had Hemorrhoids, and his Dr gave him a box of suppositories. He came back for a follow up, later and said he had been taking them for two weeks and they didn't work at all. he said "for all the good they did, I might as well have shoved em up my a$$".

 

[jjeff]

You are perfectly content, relieved, and happy taking your wife to a concert that starts at 1730. And so is she.

 

[masseyrider]

YKYO when you're up at 3:37AM because you're taking a pee. Not because you just got home from a night out with the guys and have to get up at 6:30AM to go to work.
On a Wednesday.

 

[WinterDeere]

YKYO when you're up at 3:37AM because you're taking a pee. Not because you just got home from a night out with the guys and have to get up at 6:30AM to go to work.
On a Wednesday.

I’m up to twice per night, now. But I do drink coffee all morning and a cocktail or two in the evening, usually followed by an attempt to rehydrate with several straight glasses of water in the evening, so…

 

[Pixguy]

I’m up to twice per night, now. But I do drink coffee all morning and a cocktail or two in the evening, usually followed by an attempt to rehydrate with several straight glasses of water in the evening, so…

Twice? At only 50?
Time to cut back on that liquid intake after 7pm.

 

[jjeff]

Ok, on previously mentioned concert or any other public social gatherings you try and get a seat near an aisle, before sitting, you recon where the rest rooms are located. Even the slightest urge to take a leak while driving will preemptively make you pull into a rest stop or gas station. And Of course there always seems to be a line of folks needing to take a leak especially at gas stations with single occupancy bathrooms when you need to go.

 

[airbiscuit]

A guy is golfing with two of his buddies. The first one complains that he has to get up at 6:00 AM to pee. His friend chimes in that he has to get up at 5:00 AM to poop. The third guy bemoans that he doesn't wake up until 9:00 AM. His friends say, what are you complaining about - That's great. Their friend says, well I pee at 7:00 and poop at 8:00

 

[Jstpssng]

Twice? At only 50?
Time to cut back on that liquid intake after 7pm.

When I was 50 it was several times per night.