You Know You Are Old When

[WinterDeere]

My grandfather was a physician. One patient he said had an elephant head tattooed on his chest and the trunk was his ****.

Why not get something useful, like... "Dear embalmer: Please try CPR, one last time."

 

[Fuddyduddy1952]

Why not get something useful, like... "Dear embalmer: Please try CPR, one last time."

He had lots of great stories like the elderly couple that saw him because they were constipated so he gave them rectal suppositories. The next day they came back saying not only they didn't work they were also painful. Grandfather checked them and said first you have to take them out the foil wrapper.
Then the old guy with prostate trouble kept dripping pee, so Grandad put a rubber band around it and guy calls a cab. A while later comes back, his pants all wet. He said "halfway home the rubber band broke. Can I have another one?".
Another patient was upset having wooden legs. Grandad said "look on the bright side, you can hold your socks up with a thumbtack".
My Dad had him remove his hemorrhoids in his office downtown. My grandfather put a kotex on Dad to stop the bleeding. Dad was walking to his car and saw a guy leaning up against the building chewing tobacco when Dad felt kotex slipping. Dad said when he shook it out onto the sidewalk the guy swallowed his chew.

 

[airbiscuit]

Or like the guy that had Hemorrhoids, and his Dr gave him a box of suppositories. He came back for a follow up, later and said he had been taking them for two weeks and they didn't work at all. he said "for all the good they did, I might as well have shoved em up my a$$".

 

[jjeff]

You are perfectly content, relieved, and happy taking your wife to a concert that starts at 1730. And so is she.

 

[masseyrider]

YKYO when you're up at 3:37AM because you're taking a pee. Not because you just got home from a night out with the guys and have to get up at 6:30AM to go to work.
On a Wednesday.

 

[WinterDeere]

YKYO when you're up at 3:37AM because you're taking a pee. Not because you just got home from a night out with the guys and have to get up at 6:30AM to go to work.
On a Wednesday.

I’m up to twice per night, now. But I do drink coffee all morning and a cocktail or two in the evening, usually followed by an attempt to rehydrate with several straight glasses of water in the evening, so…

 

[Pixguy]

I’m up to twice per night, now. But I do drink coffee all morning and a cocktail or two in the evening, usually followed by an attempt to rehydrate with several straight glasses of water in the evening, so…

Twice? At only 50?
Time to cut back on that liquid intake after 7pm.

 

[jjeff]

Ok, on previously mentioned concert or any other public social gatherings you try and get a seat near an aisle, before sitting, you recon where the rest rooms are located. Even the slightest urge to take a leak while driving will preemptively make you pull into a rest stop or gas station. And Of course there always seems to be a line of folks needing to take a leak especially at gas stations with single occupancy bathrooms when you need to go.

 

[airbiscuit]

A guy is golfing with two of his buddies. The first one complains that he has to get up at 6:00 AM to pee. His friend chimes in that he has to get up at 5:00 AM to poop. The third guy bemoans that he doesn't wake up until 9:00 AM. His friends say, what are you complaining about - That's great. Their friend says, well I pee at 7:00 and poop at 8:00

 

[Jstpssng]

Twice? At only 50?
Time to cut back on that liquid intake after 7pm.

When I was 50 it was several times per night.

 

[2LaneCruzer]

You know you're old, when you can say:

I met Bob Wills in person and shook his hand.
I met Fess Parker in person and shook his hand
I met Spanky McFarland in person
I met Red Buttons in person
I saw Glen Campbell in concert
I saw Johnny Cash in concert (twice)
I saw Rob Orbison in concert
I saw Jerry Lee Lewis in concert
I saw Elvis Presley in concert
I saw George Gobel in person

 

[ultrarunner]

You know you're old, when you can say:

I met Bob Wills in person and shook his hand.
I met Fess Parker in person and shook his hand
I met Spank McFarland in person
I met Red Buttons in person
I saw Glen Campbell in concert
I saw Johnny Cash in concert (twice)
I saw Rob Orbison in concert
I saw Jerry Lee Lewis in concert
I saw Elvis Presley in concert
I saw George Gobel in person

I’ve got a few of those and as a kid Fess Parker was the best and Red Skelton just had a way with kids and presented my brother with a charcoal drawing he still has.

Through dad I met a lot of the sports figures especially in boxing/boxing fans but when your 5 or 6 or even 10 it did not make a big impression like Daniel Boone.

In kindergarten playing catch with an Oakland Raider was a big deal to the big kids and not so much for me although his daughter was my best friend in Kindergarten.

Family was from Louisiana and being in California I had never heard a Southern accent.

Funny the things you remember when you are old.

 

[Pixguy]

When I was 50 it was several times per night.

Hmm, I'm 63 and last night it was 0 but most nights it's once. I do drink about 8oz of iced tea at 8-9pm.

 

[WinterDeere]

 

[Oaktree]

Hmm, I'm 63 and last night it was 0 but most nights it's once. I do drink about 8oz of iced tea at 8-9pm.

Guess I'm lucky. Almost 74 and I rarely have to get up & go in the middle of the night. Maybe half dozen times a year.
I do avoid anything with caffeine (including tea) after 3pm or so.

 

[Tinhack]

You know you're getting old - When your great grandchildren are taller than you.

 

[masseyrider]

YKYO... crap! Forgot what I was going to say.

 

[Jstpssng]

Hmm, I'm 63 and last night it was 0 but most nights it's once. I do drink about 8oz of iced tea at 8-9pm.

I had surgery about 7 years ago and have been able to go all night ever since.

 

[goeduck]

I had surgery about 7 years ago and have been able to go all night ever since.

Doesn't your wife need to get some sleep?

 

[Fuddyduddy1952]

I thought he meant for 7 years he wet the bed.