This is a test... This is only a test...

gsganzer · Sep 23, 2006

Well, this weekend is my big test. The wife needed time away from the trials and chores of raising a six month old and 2.5 year old. Hunting season is fast approaching when I'll start to disappear for multiple weekends, so it's only fair that she gets to take off for some R&R.

All of you guys that have been down this road, know what this weekend is really about. This is the test to show us men that:

We're not worthy of the efforts our wives make, when they stay home to raise the kids
We could never handle the schedule that our wives work through the day
We will fail miserably when left unattended with the kids

I'm here to tell you that failure is not an option. The entire well being of the brotherhood of men is at stake in this test.

I think things will go smoothly. If it doesn't, there will be no evidence of the misfortunes by the time she returns on Sunday night.

So far, things are going pretty well. It appears that they both like beef jerky, although the youngest seems to have a little trouble chewing it without any teeth. The pressure washer has done a great job cleaning their little behinds (use the lowest pressure you can, and keep the nozzle at least 10 feet from their butts). Burlap grain sacks haven't been a good alternative to diapers, the canvas tarp material appears to be gentler on their delicate skin. Working with power tools appears to be a suitable alternative to playing with blocks (it's best to re-install the safety guards if you still have them).

I'll let you know how we did on this test after the wife arrives home on Sunday. So far, it's been smooth sailing.

PS. I found a great time saver. When giving them a bath, you can save time if you wash their hair first. That way you can use the electric blow dryer to dry the hair while you're still washing the other parts. (It's best if you avoid letting the cord dangle in the water).
The other alternative is to use the leaf blower after you've finished bathing. One or two passes is all it seems to take.

EddieWalker · Sep 23, 2006

Gordon, you got it all wrong. You don't give them bath's you let them play in the dirt and mud. You let them eat all sorts of junk food and stay up late. You pull all their toys out, plus the pots and pans and make HUGE forts in the family room.

When she gets home, she'll really feel apreciated because you couldn't control or handle the kids!!!!!

If you do a great job of taking care of them on your own, she'll not only expect it of you, she'll feel less needed and loved.

Think of your wifes feelings here!!!!

Eddie

PS Just kidding

Bird · Sep 23, 2006

I thought that was very well said, and right on, Eddie, until you ruined it when you added that "PS Just kidding".

mjarrels · Sep 23, 2006

Don't forget to ruin a couple loads of laundry... never have to do laundry again.

mark

Farmwithjunk · Sep 23, 2006

EddieWalker said:
Gordon, you got it all wrong. You don't give them bath's you let them play in the dirt and mud. You let them eat all sorts of junk food and stay up late. You pull all their toys out, plus the pots and pans and make HUGE forts in the family room.

When she gets home, she'll really feel apreciated because you couldn't control or handle the kids!!!!!

If you do a great job of taking care of them on your own, she'll not only expect it of you, she'll feel less needed and loved.

Think of your wifes feelings here!!!!

Eddie

PS Just kidding

I read the original post almost an hour ago. The chills running up and down my spine have ALMOST subsided.

Oh, how I remember MY "test".

Let's see, there was a 4 year old boy and twin 2 year old girls. Just how weak did my wife think I was? I can do 3 days of this standing on my head!

YEAH RIIIIIIIIIIIGHT!

I was doing just fine. No problems at all. I have it all together. Then she backs out of the driveway. OH MY! I'm on my own. I have to do what any sane man would do in a situation like this. I called my younger sister. She's out of work and needs money in a bad way. She'll bail me out!

And that she did. In fact, she cleaned the house, took care of the kids, caught up all the laundry, did the grocery shopping for the next week, and saved my butt.

Or so I thought.

One the 4th day, my wife comes home. I immediately knew SOMETHING was wrong. Seems she took it personally that I "didn't need her" for 3 days and nothing was wrong. There was about 4 hours of pouting over that.

Then I did what any (in)sane man would do (again) I spilled my guts.

That was 26 years ago. I'm reminded of it at least once a day STILL.

In retrospect, the best thing I could have done was to wait one hour after she left, then called 9-1-1, let the house collapse around us, destroy the kitchen, flood the laundry room, and be laying in the front yard, babbling like a fool when she returned.

That's what they want. That's what they expect.

You know what happens when momma doesn't get what she wants.

Highbeam · Sep 25, 2006

What the heck, 3 years old is old enough to teach them how to shoot.

I have a one year old and this 3.5 year old and I just stall until mama comes home. So yes, I passed the test. We eat ice cream (one year old gets brain freezes) and watch TV to pass the time. After the test I escape to do something manly to make up for it.

What you really want to do is look like you failed to mama, but then have such a great time with the kids that they think you are a hero.

RobJ · Sep 25, 2006

www.nannysformenwhoneedhelp.com

hazmat · Sep 28, 2006

A couple months ago my wife went on an overnight sail for a bachelorette party with her girlfriends. Of the three ladies that had children, every single one of the guys spent the weekend at their mother's house

Everybody wins - Dad gets some help, Grandma & Grandpa get to see the grandkid(s) and Mom feels appreciated.

gsganzer · Sep 28, 2006

I'll have everyone know that I passed the test with flying colors!

Meaning that when Shellie arrived home, toys were scattered from one end of the house to the other and the kids were crying uncontrollably. This means that I was obviously unable to handle taking care of the kids on my own and "mommy" was still needed.

So in our household, the universe remains as it was intended. With two wonderful kids; a loving and appreciative husband; and a superstar for a wife and mommy.