R.I.P crash325

[ultrarunner]

I know two people that attempted to connect with a bio father through DNA

One was truly surprised but open to it… and learned she had half brother and sister who were also receptive.

The other was told to never make contact again… she was crushed all over again and to this day it affects her.

The mothers of both girls had passed when they decided to find their bio father…

 

[tradosaurus]

I know two people that attempted to connect with a bio father through DNA

One was truly surprised but open to it… and learned she had half brother and sister who were also receptive.

The other was told to never make contact again… she was crushed all over again and to this day it affects her.

The mothers of both girls had passed when they decided to find their bio father…

A man that goes through a divorce where the wife uses the kids as financial leverage, as well as turning the kids against the father, can create a long lasting hatred of not only the wife but the kids (through no fault of their own). Especially if the man is ruined both emotionally and financially.

Theres always another side to every story. And I wonder what curve balls James Earl Johnson encountered in his life?

 

[ultrarunner]

Very true…

The ones I know had zero contact with bio fathers and I just remembered my brothers high school girlfriend only had a name on her birth certificate to go on and brother and girlfriend while in high school tracked him down and her mother was furious…DNA was not really a thing then and it caused lots of ripples because mom said he was most likely the father and couldn’t believe they drove hundreds of miles to find him and the guy was married with 2 young kids and had never said anything about having a kid to his actual wife… although he did not deny ever knowing the mom he said they were only together twice and when she told him she was pregnant she was dating someone else so he denied it…

 

[Sigarms]

Very true…

The ones I know had zero contact with bio fathers and I just remembered my brothers high school girlfriend only had a name on her birth certificate to go on and brother and girlfriend while in high school tracked him down and her mother was furious…DNA was not really a thing then and it caused lots of ripples because mom said he was most likely the father and couldn’t believe they drove hundreds of miles to find him and the guy was married with 2 young kids and had never said anything about having a kid to his actual wife… although he did not deny ever knowing the mom he said they were only together twice and when she told him she was pregnant she was dating someone else so he denied it…

It still amazes me that in "todays times" that people who adopt, particularly babies, will refuse to tell their children that they were adopted.

Since our two boys came from two different families, and were put in the foster care program in their early years, of course they knew they were adopted.

That said, we never stopped any communication with the boys and their biological families if they actually had questions or wanted to reach out (generally a moot point on their end).

Our one son however had a baby sister that was adopted as an baby where the biological mother gave her willingly up for adoption. The adoptive parents decided that the child would never know she was adopted and didn't want any ties what so ever to the biological family. I honestly believe they are going to be in for a rude awaking when sooner or later that child figures out they were adopted and they didn't say anything.

When we had a going away party for our one boy going into the air force, he had his biological brothers come. One in particular has been a positive influence in his life.

 

[ultrarunner]

I’ve been following several DNA match ups where the person or persons that knew never said a word and only through DNA did it all unravel…

One was the oldest child and a younger sibling thought it would be fun to check DNA ancestry… it came as a shock to all siblings the oldest was not full sibling…

The mother originally said it was a mistake and then said why do this…?

Mother became pregnant by a American overseas and he was gone before she knew she was with child… a military man married her and adopted the newborn and the family settled in America 35 years ago with no one the wiser…

She said her adopted father was nothing but wonderful and aside from different features she never questioned it…

Someone in another country was looking for his bio dad and the half sibling thing came up and turns out there are several as the bio dad was active… mothers never had contact info or follow up… mothers did not have any means to help.

All learned through DNA… and the trail led to several countries…

 

[Crash325Daughter]

Thank you, Sigarms. I've read his posts, and yes, I expect to have some closure now. I'm sorry he died, but for me, that tiny splinter in my mind that wondered where he was and if I would ever hear from him again is removed. I had the good sense to realize he and I would never have a real relationship in 2006, and especially after having my child. I understood that something in him was broken because, in my values, a good parent would always want to know their child was ok and be available to help when they are not. When my mother passed away, I had a great sense of relief that my job was done as her daughter; she never had to go through the loss of losing me, and I hope my son can complete the same job. Jim, on the other hand, didn't have any interest in whether or not I lived or died.

 

[Sigarms]

When my mother passed away, I had a great sense of relief that my job was done as her daughter; she never had to go through the loss of losing me, and I hope my son can complete the same job. Jim, on the other hand, didn't have any interest in whether or not I lived or died.

The irony is that without Crash, your mother would never have had you, and no doubt you were a blessing for her along with your own family.

 

[Torvy]

I know two people that attempted to connect with a bio father through DNA

One was truly surprised but open to it… and learned she had half brother and sister who were also receptive.

The other was told to never make contact again… she was crushed all over again and to this day it affects her.

The mothers of both girls had passed when they decided to find their bio father…

Wife's cousin was like that. She was adopted as her bio parents were both cheating. Mom split with her hubby. Dad is still with his wife. He denied even having a daughter.

It really messed the cousin up again, even though she's almost 60.

One of my favorite cousins was adopted. He has zero interest in his birth family. He has had a great life ranching.

 

[Crash325Daughter]

The irony is that without Crash, your mother would never have had you, and no doubt you were a blessing for her along with your own family.

Yes, and my mother wanted me to know that I was born out of love; she loved my father, and he loved her. I know he tried his best to be a family man, but he couldn't do it. I had decided never to have any children until I fell in love with a man who both wanted children and I knew he would never leave a child behind. No matter what. I've got to succeed at what eluded Jim; my son will be an adult next year. Not to say we didn't fail in many ways as parents, but it's all about learning from our mistakes and never giving up. Neither marriage nor child-rearing is for the proud.

Thank you for being so kind here.

 

[tradosaurus]

Wife's cousin was like that. She was adopted as her bio parents were both cheating. Mom split with her hubby. Dad is still with his wife. He denied even having a daughter.

It really messed the cousin up again, even though she's almost 60.

One of my favorite cousins was adopted. He has zero interest in his birth family. He has had a great life ranching.

As it should be. The real family is the one that raised and loved him.