Resonsibilty for your step kids?

jack707 · Jan 7, 2017

Just got my pension statement from the Boilermakers construction union a few days ago and it said that if I was to retire single I get a higher pay then being married which will be significantly lower

ovrszd · Jan 7, 2017

jack707 said:
Just got my pension statement from the Boilermakers construction union a few days ago and it said that if I was to retire single I get a higher pay then being married which will be significantly lower

What's your point???

jack707 · Jan 7, 2017

ovrszd said:
What's your point???

Don't get married! Or get her to sign off.

beowulf · Jan 7, 2017

jack707 said:
Just got my pension statement from the Boilermakers construction union a few days ago and it said that if I was to retire single I get a higher pay then being married which will be significantly lower

That is probably because if you are married there would be a continuation of benefits at some percentage to your wife. If she is younger, then the pension would expect to have to pay out longer and thus benefits for the longer duration would be less.

RNeumann · Jan 7, 2017

ovrszd said:
What's your point???

Huge point. OP married later in life and possibly after retirement. Pensions are nice because they provide a "defined benefit". However this defined benefit ends and nothing further is paid to anyone. Typically when you retire you choose what that benefit is. For round numbers I'll give an example- party receiving benefit could get 70k/year for his or her life or 60k/year of his or her life plus the spouse's life. If OP chose a benefit for just himself and he passes the spouse is left with zero. This typically can't be changed once you choose it.
A non pension type retirement where you build a nest egg and live off the interest or investment would continue on after you pass as it does not end.
Just trying to walk this out with OP so he is aware of ramifications of giving away a large percent of his only savings (that he has shared with us) of 100k. The 100k in a 457 (deferred comp) is taxed when it is taken out. So his healthy retirement puts him in at least the 25% bracket so he really only has 75k.
With a retirement that could end when he passes and an unknown situation to leave his spouse with I thought it prudent to verify what the status. The interest off of 100k is 10k/year at 10% return..not enough! And giving that away now only makes it worse. OP states his spouse has no money.

kenmac · Jan 7, 2017

''If you were me, would you help them ?'' Pay for college ? No, I would not pay for college. I would help them though. If the one with children needs help with babysitting, etc, I would help. If their vehicle needs oil changes , etc. I would help with that.

I paid college for two sons. My youngest son wanted to continue on to grad school. He got married. I told him I paid for 4 yrs that he was on his own for grad school.He took out loans to pay for grad school.

ultrarunner · Jan 7, 2017

Most of my friend either took the payout or higher amount for their lifetime...

So far they have all greatly outlived their spouses so have come out way ahead.

The one that took the lump sum have also done well... mostly controllers, accountants, etc... figuring the pension would stop the moment they had a heart attack and died but the hundreds of thousands in lump sum would be theirs...

Don't have the same concerns as no pensions or lump sums on my horizon.

kenmac · Jan 7, 2017

ultrarunner said:
Don't have the same concerns as no pensions or lump sums on my horizon.

Being self employed, I was/ am in the same boat. I had to fund my own retirement with IRA's, and the $ I got for selling the business

ultrarunner · Jan 7, 2017

Doing it all over again the self employment track is the one I should have continued... I had 10 good years setting up the rentals which has worked well...

No Step Kids in the family so I'm looking from the outside in... everyone stayed married to their spouses so far.

jerrybob · Jan 8, 2017

So......Retriredguy..........what did you decide??

Gunny · Jan 8, 2017

Then you have to consider, they were part of the package deal when you got married.

Retiredguy2 · Jan 8, 2017

Gunny said:
Then you have to consider, they were part of the package deal when you got married.

You took the words right out of my mouth, only you said them better. :thumbsup:

lennyzx11 · Jan 8, 2017

Gunny said:
Then you have to consider, they were part of the package deal when you got married.

Yes. But they are adults. I think they should be accepted as adult family members and not dependents.

Don't get me wrong. I got a tearful cry from my 32 year old stepdaughter(I'm remarried 8 yrs now) whom we never spent any time around. Wanting out of a bad relationship. He was holding purse strings as a way to keep her and the then 1 year old daughter under control.
So I did. I've paid for the contested divorce, the rent for an apartment, daycare, and lately the child support/custody fight. Along with letting her use my wife's new car. She's got through the first year of nursing school and working while attending our second year now.

I'm glad I did help and would never say a word where her "family" blowed her off, but I do piss and moan to myself about the money. I told her and my wife this was my decision after I made it so no one to blame but myself if it went south.

Is it worth it? Yeah to me. For the quality of life for the baby and her mom.
But I still "SECRETLY!" call that little girl "my long gone new bass boat" under my breath occasionally I gotta admit!

RSKY · Jan 8, 2017

Retiredguy2 your comments about them being hard working made an impression. THAT and the fact that you implied you were in not so good health. That makes me change to leaning toward helping them. I don't know if you have children of your own and if this would be taking from their inheritance. If so it might should be discussed with them. And I would still try to get them to get something from the non-step-dads. Just don't put yourself too far at risk. Do it a little at a time and make it count.

RSKY

RSKY · Jan 8, 2017

And lennyzx11, I would rather have that little one than any bass boat or yacht. I have three grand daughters myself and finally a grandson.

RSKY

Retiredguy2 · Jan 9, 2017

RSKY said:
Retiredguy2 your comments about them being hard working made an impression. THAT and the fact that you implied you were in not so good health. That makes me change to leaning toward helping them. I don't know if you have children of your own and if this would be taking from their inheritance. If so it might should be discussed with them. And I would still try to get them to get something from the non-step-dads. Just don't put yourself too far at risk. Do it a little at a time and make it count.

RSKY

Thanks for input. Have no kids of my own (first spouse could not have them) and the dads of my step kids have never been worth a darn and never will be. Hoping to be the fist guy in my family to make it to 70 years old...:laughing:

CADplans · Jan 9, 2017

Retiredguy2 said:
Hoping to be the fist guy in my family to make it to 70 years old...:laughing:

WOW,, I had not thought about the men's maximum age before,,,
on my dad's side,, they were all gone by 55,, mostly due to alcohol,,,
on my mom's side,, they all made it past 90,,,

So,, I am in "wait and see" mode,, having made it a decade past my dad's age,,
and I am right at 3 decades younger than my mom was when she pasted,,,

My brother just turned 80,,, I guess that is a good sign,,, :confused2:

Travelover · Jan 9, 2017

Just read the whole thread and my thoughts are:

Never, ever, loan money to family. They probably won't pay you back and your blood will boil every time they spend money on anything you consider a luxury. It will ruin the relationship. Consider any money paid a gift, and a miracle if paid back.

Never give money where the recipient has no skin in the game. "I'll match your tuition payments" is so much more powerful than "I'll pay the whole thing, now try to apply yourself".

Are you sure you can really afford this? Are you both covered for long term care and do you have enough for emergencies in retirement? Are you sure you really have enough for your full retirement, accounting for future inflation over time? If your COLA doesn't meet inflation, you'll need your savings to make up the difference.

Steppenwolfe · Jan 9, 2017

Travelover said:
Just read the whole thread and my thoughts are:

Never, ever, loan money to family. They probably won't pay you back and your blood will boil every time they spend money on anything you consider a luxury. It will ruin the relationship. Consider any money paid a gift, and a miracle if paid back.

:thumbsup: We do not loan money either, kids need help, we are there. No step kids, so not sure how I would handle that.

RSKY · Jan 9, 2017

Well......after much consideration and a little bit more information and a lot of thought..... This thread has really bothered me. My initial impression was that you were being taken for a ride. I have seen it happen many times and I thought the steps might see somebody with a little money and might be fishing for some. But as I understand your situation better, and I may be wrong, it might be in your best interest to give them some help. After all you can't take it with you. And they might just be the ones taking care of you in your old age.

Gotta be careful about what I say though I don't think anybody in my family reads TBN and posting this could cause some hard feelings. But my girls have promised to take care of some relatives who do not have children. The relatives are younger than my wife and me. He has a brother and sister and nephews but it will be my two taking care of them. And they will do so come heel or high water. Because that's the way they were raised and if they don't then nobody will.

Something to think about. And maybe mentioned when you write out that check.

RSKY