To fly...leaving Luddism behind

[knucklehead]

I am going to Florida in a week. Not an unusual or even mildly noteworthy statement to anyone.

Except I've never flown.

Not an unusual or even noteworthy statement to anyone in my family, except my hot shot I.S. brother who is neck deep in tickets to exotic and dangerous places like Washington, DC, where I just know he is helping to wire up Big Brother in an increasingly bothersome attempt to add efficiency to bureacracy. You may remember that the only thing protecting us from bureacracy is INEFFICIENCY...and the last efficienct bureaucracy we had was the Third Reich.

But I digress - somewhat.

I'm not afraid of flying, it's just never been the best option. We even drove a pickup out to get my aforementioned bro from college upon graduation in Illinois. Lay off the Beverly Hillbilly stuff - it was the early 80's and he had a lot of junk. It's hard to check a student desk and a large trunk full of accumulated academic errata through at the terminal.

I have a receipt, or at least a large multi layered sheet of unintelligible yet crucial information such as my connecting flight in Atlanta, and some sort of ticket, which looks like the old IBM punch cards we used in the old mainframe days. Upon closer inspection, I note that this ticket (labelled "Passenger Ticket and Baggage Check") also informs me that it is "not valid for transportation", that it is a receipt and not a ticket, that I should retain this document/ticket-yet-not through my journey and that I should not subject it to prolonged periods of excessive heat or light.

Heat? Light?

I just read the back for the first time, too. I'm pretty sure I am not going to get tangled up in the Warsaw Convention between Maine and Florida (at least since we got Bush in the White House), but I am concerned that the information our secretary gave us did not contain the "important legal notices" spelled out on the back; specifically the "Conditions of Contract", the "Notice of Incorporated Terms", the "Notice of Baggage Liability Limitations", or the "Notice of Overbooking". Further, it is alluded that this document, my ticket/receipt/not valid for transportation/heat sensitive document may (or may not) be issued for services other than air travel. Really?

I have a question. Several, actually.

First, what are the real chances that I am going to wake up on a slave galley in the middle of the Indian Ocean if I don't obtain and thoroughly study all of the aforementioned legal documents?

Second, is anyone driving from New England to Florida in the next week?

Third, although a rigorous schedule of AutoCAD training is scheduled, is there any of the TBN bretheren reasonably close to Melbourne, assuming I am not subjected, by circumstances beyond my control, to violations of the Warsaw Convention or subjected to excessive heat and/or light?

 

[OkeeDon]

I live about 60 miles or so South of Melbourne (in Port St. Lucie), but my land and tractor are a further 45 miles inland just West of Okeechobee. Also, I may be Out There as well, having just learned that, subject to the same caveats as you mentioned, my land improvement contractor will finally be starting the pond/drainage/grade raising/etc. on Tuesday, which will take a week or so. It should be fairly exciting (at least for TBN'ers) with a 53' track hoe, dozer, dump trucks and probably a loader all running around on 5 acres, but my guess is that a 220 miles or so round trip is probably a stretch given the types of schedules those seminars usually invoke. I'm not going to miss a minute of it, so, as much as I'd like to show you some good ol' Florida hospitality, I won't be able to come your way.

Flying's not so bad, as long as you don't get near any seriously fat folks or squalling kids. If you decide to drive, there's a dump truck in Mass. on Ebay that I've been looking at...

If you are ********* enough to want to drive out to Okeechobee, let me know and I'll give your easy directions and paint the shell rock red in lieu of a red carpet.

 

[MossRoad]

Hee hee. Here's a tip... take slip on shoes and check everything so you won't be subject to much personal searching. Also, leave the little pocket knife at home or you'll never see it again. Also, take your credit card to buy some clothes if they lose your bags. Have fun! /forums/images/graemlins/tongue.gif

 

[BB_TX]

Mark-Sounds like you got a packet from a travel agent. I suspect the <font color="blue"> "not valid for transportation" </font> just means you have to go to the ticket counter since you have to do that to get a boarding pass to actually get on the plane. I have to travel a lot for work and we use to use a travel agent that would give us such a packet. Now our company encourages us to make our reservations on line to save the travel agent fees. Now all I get is an e-mail saying I have a reservation. Heat and light have not hurt my e-mails (yet). /forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif If you want to find out all the rules and restrictions, you have to go hunt for them. /forums/images/graemlins/confused.gif

 

[MikePA]

MossRoad already mentioned some of this, but I think it bears repeating.

1. Review everything you usually carry in your pockets...if it vaguely looks like a weapon, e.g., Leatherman, leave it at home or put it in your luggage.

2. Slip on shoes in case you are asked to take them off.

3. When I travel I usually do not carry my wallet. I take out my drivers license, the ATM card and a credit card. I put all them in my front shirt pocket, with the drivers license on top. These are the only cards I carry with me.

4. Take something to read, both on the plane and in the airport.

5. Don't worry about reading all the stuff that comes with the tickets. Just hand the person behind the counter the things that are stapled together. They will give you back what you need.

6. Do not lock your suitcase.

7. If you decide to have a carry on bag, make sure it doesn't contain anything suspicious since the bag gets scanned. One friend used the same bag as carry on that he takes to his hunting camp. He forgot he had some .22 ammo in one of the pouches. Neither he, nor any of the airport security folks discovered it until he landed in LA, even though it was in a Baggie in a mesh pocket. When my friend discovered it, he dumped it into a garbage can.

8. I usually carry some $1 and $5 bills for tips.

9. Some of the airlines charge for meals (US Air does). The only free food on my trip to San Francisco in September were sodas and pretzels. The meal was $10.

10. Always use the rest room before boarding the plane.

11. Take your own headphones then you don't have to buy a pair from the airline at $5 for watching a movie.

12. Be pleasant when going through all the security checkpoints.

13. See Item 3. Have your id and your tickets/boarding pass handy.

14. The arm rests go up and down, except for the seats on the aisle on some planes.

15. The head phone jack is on the armrest as is the button to return your seat back to its fully upright position.

16. Aisle seats are best, followed by window. Worst are the ones in the middle.

17. On many planes, 'cept the wide bodied ones, there's a center aisle and three seats on each side. Seats A and F are the window seats. Seats C and D are the aisle. If your seat is a B or an E, you're in the middle seat.

18. Keep your seatbelt fastened no matter what the sign says, except when you're heading to the bathroom, of course. /forums/images/graemlins/smile.gif

19. Take gum to assist swallowing for clearing the ears on take offs and landings.

20. Each seat has its own light and AC nozzle. The light is usually a push button and the AC is a nozzle that you turn to increase/decrease the air flow.

21. Make sure your baggage has a name tag on the outside and inside.

22. If you want to use express/self service checkin, you will need a credit card, or some other card that has a magnetic strip on the back that identifies you. The terminal has a reader similar to an ATM that reads your name off your credit card, looks you up in the ticket database and then presents this info to you. You are then asked to indicate the number of bags you are checking in (1 or 2), press OK. Poof, a few seconds later, your boarding passes are printed for you and the luggage claim tags are printed out behind the counter.

23. Perhaps this applies to people who fly more often but...I always have a laptop bag with me. So, I always pack some items just in case my luggage doesn't arrive at the destination with me or if, as did happen to me, my luggage was checked and my flight was canceled due to bad weather. The airline did a nice job of putting us up overnight, fedding us, etc. but there are some things they could not supply. There are some things I will wear 2 days in a row, and there are somethings I wont. /forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif /forums/images/graemlins/blush.gif This emergency kit contains a toothbrush, toothpaste, deoderant, medications, etc.

Any other questions, just ask.

 

[knucklehead]

Bingo! We do use a travel agent! Why are they called agents? Do they have numbers, like 007? Do they go with you and protect you?

/forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif /forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif

 

[OkeeDon]

One question - if you're leaving luddism behind, when you return and become a luddite again, how are you going to benefit from that AutoCad training? Or, do you have to go out-of-town to use it? I always did hear that Maine is backwards...but Susan Collins is cool, even if she is in the wrong party...I love her voice.

 

[knucklehead]

Don - I was thinking about you when I wrote that. Thanks for the invite.

You appear to be interested in old stuff...no? There's a neat photo classified section on the Dodge Power Wagon website. I've attached a dump in NY I've been drooling over. Note the front driveshaft.

I think my exploration will be limited to the local restuarants, although I would love to sneak off and check out the terrain.

 

[knucklehead]

Susan....AutoCAD....backwards....tauntin' mutha, ain't ya? Izzat deadpan?

Yeah she's in the wrong party, and her little friend Olympia, too. I've respectfully let them know it on many occaisions. Up here, we may not know much, but we know our wants from our needs. Watch the casino question...I'm hoping we do the right thing. If all we can manage for jobs up here involves half naked feathered ladies and lackies plying retirees with drinks as they stuff quarters into the slots, maybe we'd better take another look at our reason for being. The State told us the lottery was going to make us rich almost 20 years ago.

Feathers might be nice, though. I heard they're thinning.

 

[knucklehead]

Mike - I'm printing that list out!

My flight down does not specify seats (did I have to ask for them? Do I have to stand, then?). I'm going Delta. The return flight specifies both flights' seats as xxC, so you're making me happy so far.

Everyone tells me to take gum - are there that many holes in the hull? And one question you did not specifically address: is the rope I hold up my overalls with gonna be a problem?