Signs of dementia

   / Signs of dementia #81  
Having to be a caregiver for someone who is very ill is mentally and physically exhausting. Being a caregiver for someone who has dementia is far, far worse. I have seen too many caregivers just worn down to nothing. :( A very difficult responsibility.
 
   / Signs of dementia #82  
Very True^^^
 
   / Signs of dementia #83  
Having to be a caregiver for someone who is very ill is mentally and physically exhausting. Being a caregiver for someone who has dementia is far, far worse. I have seen too many caregivers just worn down to nothing. :( A very difficult responsibility.
That's how it went for my mother in-law. My father in-law had dementia and was still physically fit. She had to keep a constant eye on him. He'd try and get in the car and go places. All the knobs and buttons were pushed. She had to start locking it and hiding the keys. He'd go outside and wander around the yard. He'd get up in the middle of the night and start dancing around the house and singing. He'd sleep all day. Finally around age 92 he stopped moving around so much and then he could no longer follow simple instructions/requests like "please come with me to the kitchen, bathroom" etc. He couldn't remember what a fork was for, so she had to feed him. Couldn't remember to use the bathroom, or where it was. It finally got too exhausting for her physically and mentally, and she was making plans to move him to hospice. We were waiting for a COVID test result (he had to test negative to get into Hospice at the time) when his heart finally gave out. He passed away with all of us by his side. 93. That was 2.5 years ago. You could see the relief on mom within a week. She still misses him, but the strain was too much for her.
 
   / Signs of dementia #84  
That's how it went for my mother in-law. My father in-law had dementia and was still physically fit. She had to keep a constant eye on him. He'd try and get in the car and go places. All the knobs and buttons were pushed. She had to start locking it and hiding the keys. He'd go outside and wander around the yard. He'd get up in the middle of the night and start dancing around the house and singing. He'd sleep all day. Finally around age 92 he stopped moving around so much and then he could no longer follow simple instructions/requests like "please come with me to the kitchen, bathroom" etc. He couldn't remember what a fork was for, so she had to feed him. Couldn't remember to use the bathroom, or where it was. It finally got too exhausting for her physically and mentally, and she was making plans to move him to hospice. We were waiting for a COVID test result (he had to test negative to get into Hospice at the time) when his heart finally gave out. He passed away with all of us by his side. 93. That was 2.5 years ago. You could see the relief on mom within a week. She still misses him, but the strain was too much for her.
We had a family member in her 90's who would escape the house and wander around. On at least one occasion she was found sitting in the middle of the street. It was early in the morning, in a residential neighborhood, so there was little traffic but even then, she could easily have been run over by a car.

Another person we know, and have tried to "support" for decades, has taken care of a family member with dementia. It is killing them. They have money to help get some help with care giving, and even put the person with dementia in a home, but they refuse to do so. The situation has had such a negative impact on them physically, but worse, mentally, that it is really taking years out of their life. I suspect the care giver is also scared witless that they will get dementia and have nobody to take care of them. It is a horrible situation.

Before we built our house, I would work on our land every weekend, and one of the neighbors would drive his tractor to visit with me every few months when he could leave his wife for a short time. He was taking care of his wife and I could see the negative impact on him when he would drop by. It really was obvious. He was going down hill pretty fast taking care of his wife and I was really worried about him. Thankfully, she died before he died or was unable to care of her anymore. He rebounded quickly. He was like a flower that was lacking water and then got some rain. It was amazing how fast he rebounded but I do think he was close to dying taking care of her.

After a year or so he started dating again. The odds were in his favor since there are more men than woman at his age. He eventually married a woman who had been a caregiver for years to her husband so they knew what each person had been through. Both of them had ridden or wanted to ride motorcycles but there deceased spouses did not want too or prevented them from riding. So they went out and took some motorcycle classes, got matching riding leathers and motorcycles after they got married. (y)😁

Then he had to have a back operation and it all went down hill for him. He had several infections that almost killed him. He was in and out of the hospital and rehab for years. Eventually, his wife moved the dining room table, replaced it with a hospital bed and brought him home to take care of him. She took care of him for years while he lived in the dining room which had a big window looking outside so he had a view. I would wave at him when I would drive by. They had kept her house, so they sold his house, and moved to her house and we lost touch with them.

His wife was a saint to take care of two sick husbands, one after the other....
 
   / Signs of dementia #85  
I don't know how to distinguish between normal forgetfulness and dementia. Regardless, I think it would be good for us all to have some contingency in place, in case we aren't mentally able to manage for ourselves.

My FIL has done planning for his estate, but there was nothing to deal with him being mentally not with it. His family is attempting to do the annual required minimum distribution from his IRA, in order to avoid a fine from the IRS, and it has been a problem.

They attempted to get him to sign a required document, and he was having none of that. He thinks he will lose his citizenship, and they just want to take his money and abandon him.

"This tool could help patients start treatments sooner, reduce waiting times and give people certainty earlier."

 
   / Signs of dementia #86  
The great difficulty with dementia, is YOU don't know its happening..
 
   / Signs of dementia #87  
Yes to challenging in spades…

They say your true unfiltered self comes out and I was lucky in that mom remained appreciative and still said thank you into her last days…

I did have to add some room and basement door locks as she would like to empty a closet since we would be leaving for home soon.

Several times I would come and find all the contents of the closet and dresser on the bed in neat piles…

I also had to turn off the circuit breaker for the range and oven and microwave and lock up the toaster to be safe.

She would forget something cooking and ruin some of her best cookware…

Waking me up at 11 pm at night to get ready for noon church services would leave me sleep deprived but it turned out to be a phase…

It’s been a hundred days and her presence is in every corner of her home of 54 years…

Family has asked the time line to clear out the home and get it sold… after 8 years I’m still catching my breath contesting medical bills, paying bills and looking after her place…

Bequests made years ago are being brought up and her bank account tied to social security was blocked when social security pulled back a payment.
 
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   / Signs of dementia #88  
   / Signs of dementia #89  
No one answer…

Many believe dementia removes the filters and your true self comes out…

Medication or combination taken can be the cause just as forgetting to take or forgetting you just took your dosage.

No simple answers but I found sometimes just being agreeable to the outlandish even if it means a white lie can do wonders to put those suffering at ease.

The problem is it can exhaust caregivers…
Yes it can. Both an aunt and a grandmother went this way. And it is rather odd to be with some one that talks about you in the third person. Yet sort of revealing. My Grandmother had no idea who I was, on a visit, but would talk about me. Very strange conversations.
I know a bit of psychology, so the rule is don't try to correct. Let them go, if they are talking and telling a story.
It was the same thing with the Aunt, 10 years later. Its the long goodbye. Alzheimer's doesn't seem to run in the male part of the family. Yet, one would never know it is happening to you. With every mistake, and every missed reference, I wonder and don't want that on any one's plate to deal with. :)
 
   / Signs of dementia #90  
It’s been a hundred days and her presence is in every corner of her home of 54 years…

Family has asked the time line to clear out the home and get it sold… after 8 years I’m still catching my breath contesting medical bills, paying bills and looking after her place…
My mother died about 6 months ago at 96 and my sisters and I are going thru the same thing settling her estate. Just the opposite on her house...since I'm several hours away, I've stayed at the house when I've gone down to help deal with things. Just felt like an empty house, she's gone. She was ready to go, her last couple years you could tell she was tired of being here. My father's been gone over 20 years, and her friends had all passed on too. Other than relatively minor age-related issues, no health problems, certainly no dementia.
My parents bought that house in 1951, I was just a toddler, none of my siblings had been born yet.
 
 
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