</font><font color="blue" class="small">( John,
I pray to God that neither you nor Cliff are serious. )</font>
That's why I said I knew I was quoting out of context. I just had to read it a second (or third) time because my mind kept putting the comma in the wrong place in the sentence. I understood what the original poster was saying, but my initial reading came up with something that struck me as funny.
This suffixed Army definition of pipe has been floating around the internet for years and I thought of it when I read the post.
Cliff
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Army Pipe Specification
All pipe is to be made of a long hole surrounded by metal or plastic centred around the hole.
All pipe is to be hollow throughout the entire length - do not use holes of different length than the pipe.
All acid proof pipe is to be made of acid proof material.
All pipe is to be made of the very best quality, preferably either tubular or pipular.
Gaskets are to be made of metal, rubber, plastic, paper or some kind of goop...Do not use cow or sheep manure, it cracks when it dries.
***The ID (inside diameter) of all pipe must not exceed the OD (outside diameter) - otherwise the hole will be on the outside.
All pipe is to be supplied with nothing in the hole, so that water, steam or other stuff can be put inside at a later date.
All pipe should be supplied without rust; this can be more readily applied at the job site.
All pipe is to be cleaned free of any covering such as mud, tar, barnacles or any form of manure before putting up, otherwise it will make lumps under the paint.
All pipe over 500 ft in length should have the words "LONG PIPE" clearly painted on each side and end, so the contractor will know it's a long pipe.
Pipe over 2 miles in length must also have the words "LONG PIPE" painted in the middle so the contractor will not have to walk the entire length of the pipe to determine whether or not it is a long pipe or a short pipe.
All pipe over 6 ft in diameter must have the words "LARGE PIPE" painted on it, so the contractor will not mistake it for a small pipe.
Flanges must be used on all pipe. Flanges must have holes for bolts, quite separate from the big hole in the middle.
When ordering 90 deg. or 30 deg. elbows, be sure to specify left-hand or right-hand, otherwise you will end up going the wrong way.
Be sure to specify to your vendor whether you want level, uphill or downhill pipe. if you use downhill pipes for going uphill, the water will flow the wrong way.
All couplings should have either right-hand or left-hand threads, but do not mix the threads, otherwise, as the coupling is being screwed on one pipe, it is being unscrewed from the other.
All pipe fittings are to be made of the same stuff as the pipe.
All pipe closers are to be open on one end.
No fittings are to be put on pipe unless specified. If you do, straight pipes become crooked pipes.
All pipes shorter than 1/8 in are very uneconomical in use, requiring many joints. They are generally known as washers.
Joints in pipes for piping water must be water-tight. Those in pipes for compressed air, however, need only be air-tight.
Lengths of pipes may be welded or soldered together. This method is not recommended for concrete or earthenware pipes.
Other commodities are often confused with pipes. These include: Conduit, Tube, Tunnel and Drain. Use only genuine pipes.
