MossRoad
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Sorry for you and your wife's loss. Hopefully he's at peace now.
Parents with dementia, how dealing with that has gone.
OP
ArlyA
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Taken during Ray's last week with us.
ruffdog
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Keep the good memories forever.
Richard
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My heart goes out for all of you who went through the dementia situation.
My mother went that route... was in a long term memory care facility so her decline & passing was under safe conditions. (she had me as her POA and trustee of her trust so it was in my self interest to take good care of things!) Same thing with my Aunt, her sister.
Dad passed away just last week. Another "good" scenario... he was 95, not taking (not needing) any medications. On his third wife, younger. I figured she'd bail when the road got rough but to her credit, was there to the very end.
She kept him at home (hospice) and doted over him.....finally letting us know she felt he needed to go to a formal hospice location. Took him there on Monday and he passed on Friday.
I had driven down Friday morning, the place was very new, VERY nice, only holding up to 8 hospice patients. Was evening, so I got blanket, sat in chair and decided I'd just stay with him.
She had been there every day (for several months). He was now either "sleeping" or more likely in a light coma.... just as peaceful as could be. I curled up under the blanket as best I could sitting in a chair trying to note his (loud) breathing.... did I drift off to sleep? Did his 20 second pauses between breaths suddenly stop and I noticed?
All I know is it was silent in there, I waited for him to take another inhale....didn't happen. Checked his pulse, didn't feel one however, I'm not qualified to do that.....got the nurse and he was gone.
Funeral is this coming Monday. Knowing how hard this relatively peaceful situation is on us, really brings it home to me for what some others are experiencing and my heart goes out to and for you.
I tried to look at the bright side when I'd pick Mom up at the memory care facility... she'd grab my arm and ask if I was her date??? I said "Mom.... I will be whomever you want me to be!!!"
In fact, when we were at Waffle House (one of her favorites), we were in line to pay. I got tapped on the shoulder. I turned around and a gal of foreign origin (was she a legal citizen or was she illegal? I don't know)
Anyway, she said she wanted to thank me.
??? Thank me? For what?
She went on to say that she had never seen someone in this country treat their parent (ostensibly) as well as I had. Back in her country, wherever that might have been) There is high reverence for the older generation(s) and she wanted to thank me for treating my mother like that.
(inside, I'm thinking really? She's my mom.....how would you expect me to treat her???.....but I have no idea of what this gal had experienced, so took it at face value)
My mother went that route... was in a long term memory care facility so her decline & passing was under safe conditions. (she had me as her POA and trustee of her trust so it was in my self interest to take good care of things!) Same thing with my Aunt, her sister.
Dad passed away just last week. Another "good" scenario... he was 95, not taking (not needing) any medications. On his third wife, younger. I figured she'd bail when the road got rough but to her credit, was there to the very end.
She kept him at home (hospice) and doted over him.....finally letting us know she felt he needed to go to a formal hospice location. Took him there on Monday and he passed on Friday.
I had driven down Friday morning, the place was very new, VERY nice, only holding up to 8 hospice patients. Was evening, so I got blanket, sat in chair and decided I'd just stay with him.
She had been there every day (for several months). He was now either "sleeping" or more likely in a light coma.... just as peaceful as could be. I curled up under the blanket as best I could sitting in a chair trying to note his (loud) breathing.... did I drift off to sleep? Did his 20 second pauses between breaths suddenly stop and I noticed?
All I know is it was silent in there, I waited for him to take another inhale....didn't happen. Checked his pulse, didn't feel one however, I'm not qualified to do that.....got the nurse and he was gone.
Funeral is this coming Monday. Knowing how hard this relatively peaceful situation is on us, really brings it home to me for what some others are experiencing and my heart goes out to and for you.
I tried to look at the bright side when I'd pick Mom up at the memory care facility... she'd grab my arm and ask if I was her date??? I said "Mom.... I will be whomever you want me to be!!!"
In fact, when we were at Waffle House (one of her favorites), we were in line to pay. I got tapped on the shoulder. I turned around and a gal of foreign origin (was she a legal citizen or was she illegal? I don't know)
Anyway, she said she wanted to thank me.
??? Thank me? For what?
She went on to say that she had never seen someone in this country treat their parent (ostensibly) as well as I had. Back in her country, wherever that might have been) There is high reverence for the older generation(s) and she wanted to thank me for treating my mother like that.
(inside, I'm thinking really? She's my mom.....how would you expect me to treat her???.....but I have no idea of what this gal had experienced, so took it at face value)
Sigarms
Super Member
Arly
Losing a loved one is never easy, but try to take comfort in the fact that Ray was loved.
My father was around 5'2, and his "fighting weight" was always around 135 lbs.
When my dad was in his early 80's, he got down to around 100 lbs. The last 4 years of his life living with us he was around 85 lbs. Living with us those last 4 years, I took him to the VA for all of his check ups (and he would go in for regular check ups living by himself up in Pa to the VA). Basically what everyone told us is that due to his age, his appetite slowly decreased and thus the reason why he was losing weight slowly over the years.
It wasn't until he fell and broke his femur and I took him to the emergency room that the medical staff was asking me about his weight. They took him and did some tests on him where they filmed him chewing and his digestive process and showed me the images/film.
Long story short, not certain when it happened years ago, but my father wasn't getting all the food he was chewing in his stomach. I took him in Sunday around noon, and he passed around 4:30 AM Tuesday, and I was with him the basically the whole time and it was a world wind of emotions, and after talking with the doctor Monday asking hard questions and realizing he wasn't going to make it (question only on how long really), so I really don't remember the condition my father was having chewing and digesting. Looked online and I couldn't seem to find anything.
Only point to those with parents who have seemed to lost weight after the years, there may be an actual medical reason. That said, from what I remember being told, the option would to feed him intravenously, which I know my dad would have said no to anyways. Just find it irritating with all the trips to the VA that no one took the time like these civilian doctors did to find what was causing the issue.
Losing a loved one is never easy, but try to take comfort in the fact that Ray was loved.
He's lost much weight in the past 6 months.
My father was around 5'2, and his "fighting weight" was always around 135 lbs.
When my dad was in his early 80's, he got down to around 100 lbs. The last 4 years of his life living with us he was around 85 lbs. Living with us those last 4 years, I took him to the VA for all of his check ups (and he would go in for regular check ups living by himself up in Pa to the VA). Basically what everyone told us is that due to his age, his appetite slowly decreased and thus the reason why he was losing weight slowly over the years.
It wasn't until he fell and broke his femur and I took him to the emergency room that the medical staff was asking me about his weight. They took him and did some tests on him where they filmed him chewing and his digestive process and showed me the images/film.
Long story short, not certain when it happened years ago, but my father wasn't getting all the food he was chewing in his stomach. I took him in Sunday around noon, and he passed around 4:30 AM Tuesday, and I was with him the basically the whole time and it was a world wind of emotions, and after talking with the doctor Monday asking hard questions and realizing he wasn't going to make it (question only on how long really), so I really don't remember the condition my father was having chewing and digesting. Looked online and I couldn't seem to find anything.
Only point to those with parents who have seemed to lost weight after the years, there may be an actual medical reason. That said, from what I remember being told, the option would to feed him intravenously, which I know my dad would have said no to anyways. Just find it irritating with all the trips to the VA that no one took the time like these civilian doctors did to find what was causing the issue.
Runner
Elite Member
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It might be dysphagia, my MIL has it and it is no fun.
Dysphagia - Symptoms and causes
www.mayoclinic.org
Sigarms
Super Member
Could have been. Out of all the symptoms listed, the only issue from time to time (and not all the often) was a feeling of food being stuck in the throat (I remember that when the doctor mentioned it as to why he would feel that way and my father mentioning it from time to time). Dad was blessed I guess in the fact it was a slow process for him and nothing stuck out like a sore thumb like having pain when swallowing.It might be dysphagia, my MIL has it and it is no fun.
My prayers go out to all of you. Have been there myself.Dysphagia - Symptoms and causes