My Father Passed Suddenly

[NoTrespassing]

It is with heavy heart that I make this post. We lost my father January 26th, 2026. As far as everyone knew he was in good health, still carrying mail 6 days per week at age 83. He had taken that Monday off work and had planned to go back on Wednesday of last week. I guess he had been shoveling snow in the front yard to park his route car in front of the house as he had done so many times before. He suffered a heart attack that evening and died almost instantly. EMS arrived within a short time but could do nothing for him.

He was my mother's caregiver as she has early-stage dementia. My 57-year-old sister has made the decision to quit her job and care for our mother at Mom's home. I honestly don't know if it will work or not. My mother does have a long-term care policy that will last 5 years and a lifetime pension from my father as well as multiple life insurance policies. He was a good provider.

Thank goodness he did have a will, but that's about all the planning he did. He left us with quite a job and we're just getting started. We did have a wake and funeral for him last week. We stood and greeted people for 2 hours straight. One of his best friends died 12 hours before him and he didn't even know it. Another very good friend lost his wife on the day of the wake.

My wife lost a close uncle yesterday.

2026 has been a nightmare for our family so far. I pray that it gets better.

Kevin (NoTrespassing)

 

[MossRoad]

Sorry to hear of your father's passing. Please accept my condolences.

 

[Highlandr]

You and your family have my condolences Kevin.

I have stood in your shoes with both my mother and my father & step-mother, albeit slightly different circumstances (aren't they all?)

Now is the time for you and your family to lean on and support each other. I wish you all the best.

 

[GrandpaSmurf825]

Sorry to hear this. The blessing is he didn't suffer but you also never had an opportunity to say good bye. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Praying for better days ahead for you.

 

[duffer]

He sounds like he was a real trooper, and a great Dad. So sorry for your loss.

You're at that age where your parents generation is at life expectancy. Just remember the good times with them.

And utilize the LTC policy for your Mom. That's what its there for...

 

[Thomas]

Sorry for the loss of your father...by the sounds he was heck of good man.

Thoughts prayers to family.

 

[dodge man]

Sorry for your loss, it’s never easy.

 

[Eagle1]

My condolences, never an easy time.

 

[HamishMacCheap]

Sorry for your loss. This is a difficult time.

 

[1 Old Man]

Sorry to hear of this. Your Dad sounds like he was a good man.

 

[Suburban Plowboy]

Very sorry to read this.

If I may be so bold, I had to take care of my dad, and I know a little bit about the process. Even if your sister does her best, you may eventually have to put your mother in an ALF, because caring for a dementia patient is really too big a job for one person. If you do, make sure you visit every ALF in your area first.

Important point: do not tell them you're coming. They will pretty things up for you, and you will learn nothing. Just show up and say you want to look around. If they won't allow it, leave immediately and never go back.

I had a choice between a fancy $7000/month place and a $3000/month place. The people at the cheaper place told me not to make an appointment. They said I should just walk in without warning them.

It was the first place that didn't smell like urine. It was bright and cheerful. They had a dining area that looked like a restaurant. They had special certifications the expensive place did not have, and that is extremely important. Many ALF's here are not certified to feed people, so when residents lose the ability, the throw them out.

When I took my dad to medical appointments, doctors told me how lucky I was to have him in the cheaper place. You can't judge by price.

Also, look into hospice NOW. People think they're supposed to start hospice two weeks before someone dies. That's totally wrong. Many people are on hospice for years.

They will come in and bathe patients. They feed and dress them. They clean their rooms. Even if they only show up a couple of times a week, it will be an enormous help to your sister.

I should also add that I visited a lot of ALF's, not just the two I had to choose between in the end. Most places were very bad.

 

[TractorTYMe]

My condolences, death seldom comes at convenience.

 

[Carl_NH]

Kevin - so sorry for the loss of your father, and so many more in such a short time.

Your dad was prepared and left things in good order that's a blessing, but its never easy and stay strong and as others have said, get help for your sister and mom even a few hours a week helps.

 

[SSCreek]

Sorry for your loss.

 

[orezok]

Back in the early 70’s, my FIL went for his annual checkup. No issues, just a routine checkup. The doctor diagnosed that he had cancer. We were on the west coast and FIL was on the east coast. My wife wanted to see him again while he was still in reasonably good shape. She booked a flight 10 or 12 days after the diagnosis.

I was working and since FIL was still in reasonably good condition I didn’t go. When she got to there, her father had died while she was in transit. Less than 2 weeks after diagnosis.

She called me and I booked the first available flight to be with her.

My mom was visiting my brother in PA and was scheduled to come home the next day. I called her and told her she would have to have someone else pick her up at the airport.

I arrived late in the evening the next day and after a short while, my wife informed me that MY mother had passed while I was in transit.

We lost 2 parents on the same day. That was rough as we were both grieving and the usual spousal support was lacking.

Attended 2 funerals in 2 days.

 

[tacticalturnip]

I'm sorry, I can not express my condolences enough; may the Lord give your family strength, and may this year get better for you.

May your dad rest in peace.

 

[anomad]

Please accept my condolences and may your Dad rest in peace.

If there is any positive thing to say... He went quick, fully ambulatory, and that is a blessing. That is how I want to go.

 

[Mi-Troll]

So sorry for your loss.

 

[2manyrocks]

Truly sorry for your sudden loss.

If your mom has LTC insurance that could provide round the clock care, that might be worth looking into a bit before your sister quits her job. There's a chance that being the sole caretaker could be too much for one person without it really pulling them down as well. Depends a lot on how much personal care your mom needs which could change over time.

 

[Sigarms]

Sincere apologies for your loss.

It's great of your sister to quit her job and care for your mother, but you are blessed that it seems like your father had planned for this possibility financially, so look at the options to help your sister sooner rather later.

My wife's mother and her two sisters cared for their mother after their father passed away for about 2 months. Between the 3 of them, it was a full time never ending job before she passed. Your sister may not say anything, but she could get overwhelmed pretty easy.