Honesty

[Maxify55]

To be honest:
I don't DO funerals.
I don't even want to go to my own!

 

[JethroB]

To be honest:
I don't DO funerals.
I don't even want to go to my own!

I've always been late. School, work, doctors appointments, etc. I hope to continue the habit to the grave.

 

[Maxify55]

I was the first born to my parents.
I've now buried them as well as all of my siblings.
I'm all funeral'd out.
All that's left is the Mrs. & I.
I don't go to funerals anymore & there won't even be one for me at my request.
Just a cremation and a party.
Simple, just the way I like things.
No hoopla, just get things done and move on.

 

[tallyho8]

I need to get my eyes checked. Three times I read this and wondered what good a cattail would do in a barrel Stove wouldn't it just burn up?

Barrel making facts: It is the galvanized steel hoops that hold the barrels together there are no nails or screws as these could contaminate the contents. The aforementioned rivets only fasten the hoops, they don't attach to the barrel.
The staves fit so precisely they are liquid tight, very similar to a wooden boat. If leaks are found they are repaired with wait for it cattail stalks! Yep, the barrels are partially disassembled and cattails are used to caulk any leaky barrel seams.

 

[tallyho8]

Der a Rule bout not sayin name of cattail used to calk between barrel staves? What you sposta say fer I'm in a r*** ?
Loveable little fuzzball OK?
What about we r***ed thru dinner so could get Waldo to LaCrap game on time?
Where da list of what not permitted sayable?

Give me a hint of what r*** and r***ed could be???

 

[user.69169]

Cuttin R*** in fall fed many mouths back years. Pretty much diein business time I come along. Best I recall all barrels fer pickles get calked, somethin bout brine.

Lot of barrels get calked fer de second use too cause dey don't tighten back up after sittin waitin fer second use. Lot of calkin on wood cooler kegs fer beer too dat got water coil inside to keep beer cold. Not sure you can even find a cooper any more can repair.

Far as de fuzzball fellow, seems de loan got called fer Talent on loan from God by some evil banker. Heard Katherin on radio deliverin de news to de world. One strong lady fer sure. Man who invented new industry and launched many into de business married one tough lady. She walked over beeper fer network break, and network let it happen. Man who reminded America fer 30 years it OK to not conform lived fine life.

All men die, many never live. Rv$# lived.

 

[Hay Dude]

Cuttin R*** in fall fed many mouths back years. Pretty much diein business time I come along. Best I recall all barrels fer pickles get calked, somethin bout brine.

Lot of barrels get calked fer de second use too cause dey don't tighten back up after sittin waitin fer second use. Lot of calkin on wood cooler kegs fer beer too dat got water coil inside to keep beer cold. Not sure you can even find a cooper any more can repair.

Far as de fuzzball fellow, seems de loan got called fer Talent on loan from God by some evil banker. Heard Katherin on radio deliverin de news to de world. One strong lady fer sure. Man who invented new industry and launched many into de business married one tough lady. She walked over beeper fer network break, and network let it happen. Man who reminded America fer 30 years it OK to not conform lived fine life.

All men die, many never live. Rv$# lived.

:thumbsup:
AMEN

 

[bcp]

r*** = rush


Bruce

 

[MossRoad]

I was often asked to be an alter server at funerals...

As a kid it was an eye opening glimpse into another world...

Some funerals were celebrations and some non stop crying.

Gratuities sometimes followed as did hand written thank you cards

Never thought of it as a burden and often the family received great comfort...

Gratuities never expected but being 10 and getting a $20 was a big deal...

I think I was in 7 or 8th grade. Some adult came into the classroom and said something to the teacher. She immediately stood up and asked me and my friend to come with her. We didn't know what was up. She took us out into the hall and told us the father of a girl in our class was killed in a car accident a few days earlier and they needed us to serve at his funeral. We knew it had happened, but for some reason we never thought we'd be asked to serve at the funeral. And only a few minutes notice was not normal. They'd usually tell us in the morning we'd have a funeral at 10 and we'd just leave class at 9:30 to prep. It was quite strange to be up there on the altar and looking out at the people in the pews and seeing one of my classmates sitting in the front row crying with her mom and sister. The whole school came to the funeral besides all the family and friends. Makes it feel different when it's someone you know, yet you do everything exactly the same for the folks you don't know.

What I remember most, though, and this sounds weird, but that's the way it was...

It was a beautify sunny day. Cool air. No leaves on the trees. Riding in the lead limo with the funeral home guys, the priest, and the other alter boy, the priest points to the car in front of us, not in the funeral, and says something like hey, look at that license plate.

10SNE1

Tennis anyone?

It was the first customized license plate I ever remember seeing. We were all impressed and shot the bull on the ride to the cemetery.

It was so weird. All business in the church. Guy talk in the car on the way to the cemetery. Back to all business at the cemetery. Back to guy talk on the way back to school. Put away all the items from the mass and funeral, hang up the garments, etc... and back up to class.

Walking into a classroom late and not having to explain anything to the teacher as to why, the class always would give you a look. But that day we walked into the classroom and the room got really quiet. The teacher thanked us, and the entire class just sat there looking at us, all of them silent. We took our seats and nothing more was said.

The girl who's father passed away came back a week later. She was never quite the same after that.

 

[MossRoad]

He grew up in Cape Girardeau, MO. It痴 roughly 1-1/2 hours south of St. Louis.

MoKelly

My wife and I walked into the casino at Cape Girardeau a few years ago, signed up for their membership card. It was 7:15 or so. They said if we got 30 minutes of play we'd get free buffet dinners, but the restaurant closed at 8. And we each got free $10 of play. So we each put $10 in a machine. I'd play once. Then she'd play her machine once. Then I'd play. Then she'd play. We'd only play about 2 rolls per minute. At about 7:46 we had won about $20, quit, ran to the service counter, they had bid eyes that we each got 30 minutes of continuous play that quickly, had a good laugh with us, gave us our meal vouchers, and they had steak and shrimp on the menu that night. :laughing:

So $20 free dollars and a free steak dinner. Not bad, but I still get their email weekly to this day! :laughing:

 

[MossRoad]

????????? no entiendo lo que escribes

De crotches what bigger whumpas doin tha squaller like screeches at night I breakfast all day tea & biscuits flush well but the eggplant over there.

 

[Frankenkubota]

I was gonna go to law school, been accepted, no $. My dad told me to go talk to some lawyers, lawyers that we did not know personally.

One lawyer told me the first thing you must learn is everyone is a liar. You mother is a liar, you father, grands, minister, politicians, wife, husband, EVERYONE. I honestly believe we are predisposed to be deceitful, it's in our biology.

Later i had another lawyer tell me there is .....his truth, her truth and the truth.

To quote Steve Forbert..............to tell the truth, i sometimes lie.

 

[Hay Dude]

Sanford & Son.....
I got my son to watch a couple episodes with me and he thought it was hilarious.
I think Red Foxx was in my Mt Rushmore of comedy actors. :laughing:

 

[Hay Dude]

Colt 45 Commercial (Redd Foxx & Billy Van, 1976) - YouTube

 

[2LaneCruzer]

Colt 45 Commercial (Redd Foxx & Billy Van, 1976) - YouTube

I tried that stuff over 50 years ago...gave me one of the worst headaches I ever experienced.

 

[Fuddy1952]

About 20 years ago my best friend's grandmother died and I was asked to be one of the pallbearers. All of us were over 6 ft. tall except one, an Irish fellow about 5ft 4".
We all paired up, I was at the coffin back left. Guess who I was paired with? Yep...the Irishman.
From hearse to gravesite was downhill and wet with ice. Grandmother was not lightweight.
We grabbed the coffin bar, lifted and I believe I saw saw the little fellow come off the ground. Downhill we went, and it was steep. I was praying the whole time lord please don't let me slip!
Somehow we made it but to this day my right arm is longer than the left.

 

[user.69169]

The era of party records by folks like Red Fox, Jackie Mabley and others whos names are lost in the drawers of my memory was definitely de point element of de new American vocabulary to come in de 70s. Dey stood on stage & shocked people so dey could stand in theater entrance and sell record of what dey said on stage. People drove 4 towns over to see de show and hoped nobody saw dem and recognized. Always told same story after when ran into somebody saw dem at show too, "I had no idea what that show was going to be about, and I would have walked out but I didn't want to create a scene". OK sure sweety, and yer momma crocheyed you and you and you and Bubba got 6 kids on accident too.

Do wonder time to time how many shiploads of copy paper were used in 70s & 80s to run off copies of latest. Rd Fox was one day a man wid 4 million in de bank den IRS came and Red a man widout a penny to his name. Definitely saw de world from a different angle and made lot of money tellin what he saw.

 

[user.69169]

About 20 years ago my best friend's grandmother died and I was asked to be one of the pallbearers. All of us were over 6 ft. tall except one, an Irish fellow about 5ft 4".
We all paired up, I was at the coffin back left. Guess who I was paired with? Yep...the Irishman.
From hearse to gravesite was downhill and wet with ice. Grandmother was not lightweight.
We grabbed the coffin bar, lifted and I believe I saw saw the little fellow come off the ground. Downhill we went, and it was steep. I was praying the whole time lord please don't let me slip!
Somehow we made it but to this day my right arm is longer than the left.

Dat little problem been solved by modern morticians. Now dey got off road cemetery trucks wid pneumatic tires and some even wid tandem X to save de bearer sinkin into de grass. Cart even fits in pickup van so it can ride to graveyard ahead of need and ride back. Don't even gotta be nice to 6 people to carry you no more, Undertaker has list of retired guys who own suits and can carry who work cheap to get out of house.

 

[Hay Dude]

I tried that stuff over 50 years ago...gave me one of the worst headaches I ever experienced.

That’s funny as **** :rotfl:

 

[2LaneCruzer]

That’s funny as **** :rotfl:

Like they say, once was enough. I learned my lesson well.