Funeral Costs

[dmccarty]

We have family members who bought a plot many decades ago. They have died but their ashes are at a relative's house because they wanted their ashes handled differently than put in that plot they bought. Not sure the people holding the ashes will handle the ashes as requested due to health issues and I suspect I will be left with the cremains and the unused plots.

The funny thing is that most of the family used to live near the cemetery but almost EVERYONE in the family has moved to other states, far, far away.

I suspect I will put the cremains in that plots someday or have to sell of the plots.

Another family member is buried in a family plot in a very small town, in different state, with only a few very distant family members left in the area. Some family members made it a point, when sorta traveling near by, to take fake flowers to the cemetery once a year but as their health declined the visits stopped.

My wife's family has been in one area for many generations and has a large family plot in a cemetery. Recent deaths have not been buried but are still at "home" while others had the cremains buried on the family land.

Read this the other day and it stuck with me since it is sooooo true and I have seen it over and over and over.

All Graves Go Unvisited In The End

 

[bmg88201]

I always wondered what happens to empty plots that go unfilled. I have very very distant kin folk that have plots near me. They have all moved away decades ago and are buried in other states. So do those empty plots that they owned here stay empty forever ?

 

[bmg88201]

I plan on getting cremated, why spend all that money on a plot, casket and funeral arrangements. That money could go to family to use in a more useful way. I told my kin folk to take my ashes out in the desert back home in Roswell NM and spread them over the jack rabbits, tarantulas and cactus.

 

[3Ts]

On the pre arranged and paid for funerals - be sure someone knows where the paperwork is. My uncle pre-paid his funeral and showed it to his sister, but kept the paperwork somewhere. He had no kids and his sister did not know where the paperwork was, the funeral home denied that he'd pre-paid and since she didn't know where the paperwork was, they had to pay again.

 

[Fuddyduddy1952]

My grandfather passed in 1985, wanted to be cremated, ashes scattered on his farm.
He was cremated but grandmother didn't like the scattered ashes idea so she had the urn buried! That was expensive because of excavation, a concrete vault, headstone.
She's buried next to him in a vault and coffin.
I wish I could just crawl off into the woods!

 

[ultrarunner]

Engraving the existing urn is a monumental stumbling block not even on my radar...

It took 11 weeks and had to be sent out where for 70 years it was done in house so Dad had to come out, etc.

The problem is by week 10 all the grandchildren had left for college and mom's priest who she really liked retired and moved back to Ireland and family that was coming no longer could.

Incomprehensible to me how a few letters could be so disruptive... and it was all paid on the spot at $35 per letter...

 

[Alan W.]

At my great aunts funeral which I arranged according to her wishes she sprang a leak.
The funeral home quickly shut the casket and the service was abbreviated.
That funeral didnt cost much at all after our talk.
The very old cemetery at our church has lots of gravesites marked with sandstone rocks. No one knows if they were gravestones for those that couldnt afford better or simply a plot marker.

 

[Fuddyduddy1952]

I had a panic attack at my friend's grandmother's funeral. He chose me as one of the pallbearers, all five of us were 6ft+ except one 5ft little Irish fellow. Of course I was in the back across from the Irishman.
The grandmother was quite "hefty". It had rained and the gravesite was downhill and I had on a suit and flat-sole dress shoes.
We pick up the casket...Irishman and all.
I'm going down this embankment sweating bullets, heavy weight, walking on ice remembering all the sleigh rides my friend and I had as kids and this will be a doozie!
Somehow we made it though, although I think my left arm is longer than my right to this day.

 

[bmg88201]

I know everybody is different when it comes to funerals and how to treat the dead. But it seems such a waste of money to spend thousands on a casket that will just rot anyway. Or in an over priced tomb, like that’s going preserve someone. And then there is the high dollar granite tomb stone that costs thousands. A century or two from now everybody that even knew that person is now dead and that fancy stone is covered with moss and bird poop.

But I do get it, for a lot of folks the Funeral service is for closure.

 

[Fuddyduddy1952]

I know everybody is different when it comes to funerals and how to treat the dead. But it seems such a waste of money to spend thousands on a casket that will just rot anyway. Or in an over priced tomb, like that’s going preserve someone. And then there is the high dollar granite tomb stone that costs thousands. A century or two from now everybody that even knew that person is now dead and that fancy stone is covered with moss and bird poop.

But I do get it, for a lot of folks the Funeral service is for closure.

Good points, and the bad thing to me is the survivors are upset then the funeral home naturally tries selling the "really nicest casket/flowers/funeral/tombstone" for the dearly departed. "Of course you want the best for your spouse, sibling, child, parent".
Others may think we're wrong...but my wife & I never once visited our relatives grave, put flowers on it, etc. Not one time.
To get to our place the first road turnoff is a very, very large cemetery that even has a pet section. Acres of graves and a mausoleum.
We have neighbors & friends who's parents are laid to rest there and we see them all the time placing flowers there and talking "to them"! Their (parents) are not there! The remains are but they've moved on! Then we see this huge and I do mean huge pile of flowers in dumpsters because the cemetery workers take them up throwing them away.
Tonight passing by it's just getting dark and there are solar lights everywhere people put on graves!
Why?
Be nice to people while they're alive!