Ever put your foot in your mouth?

[bigtiller]

I swear..... I think I could walk into a room of 10 people, tell a jovial joke to lighten the atmosphere, and 7 of them would get mad.

 

[tractorshopper]

Asked my 5th grade teacher when she was due on the first day of school. She wasn't pregnant. Was a long year.

 

[drssg]

Asked my 5th grade teacher when she was due on the first day of school. She wasn't pregnant. Was a long year.

I follow the Dave Barry principle. Unless you see a baby’s head sticking out of the woman, NEVER assume she is pregnant!

They get particularly testy if you ask about the due date shortly AFTER she gave birth.

 

[turnkey4099]

Four of us NCOs including the chief were standing outside on smoke break. Conversation was discussing the office secretary who was, to put it mildly "hot". Started back into th office and as first guy opened the door (secretary sat just inside it) our illustries leader said "And her legs go all the way up to her ....". Secretary didn't bat an eye as the the chief passed her desk "Most girl's do, Chief".

 

[drssg]

My wife and I used to live in a subdivision, and I never got around to getting to know the neighbors. One day, there was a large moving van backing into the cul de sac, and a man who looked like the new home owner was walking next to it.

I was in the front yard, and I decided to start off on the right foot. I marched over to him, stuck out my hand, and introduced myself. He looked at me a little funny, but he shook my hand and said, “We’re moving out,”

That’s why I don’t try to talk to people.

 

[Mace Canute]

I once asked a married woman whom I had know for a long time but hadn't seen in a while if she was pregnant or just fat. Turns out she wasn't pregnant.

turnkey4099, some girls' legs go up to meet their derrieres and some girls' derrieres come down to meet their legs...

 

[drssg]

You can’t win either way. I once knew a heavy set woman who was well along in her pregnancy. She became offended because a friend did NOT notice she was pregnant.

The reality was that she was fat enough that a baby didn’t cause a noticeable change to her figure. It probably wouldn’t have helped to explain that to her, either.

 

[Fuddy1952]

Dad had sooooo many good ones since he was Sears service manager.
Like the day he had a tremendous gas pain, so he backed into a stock room to let it go.
Then he heard a cough, turns around and a secretary was eating her lunch.
Then Dad was putting stock on shelves in the warehouse, a worker walks back with a hacksaw...Dad asks "Bill what are you doing here?" Bill replies "Some stupid son-on-a-bit*h wants to buy half a section of flue pipe!" Bill turns around...and the customer was right behind him!!!!!
Bill says "And this gentleman wants to buy the other half!".

 

[Industrial Toys]

Sad, most people care so much what others think. The world would be a better place if people just spoke their mind. Kind of like the pres!

 

[the old grind]

I complained to a neighbor that a good friend (at the time) handed over his pants the day his wife chained him to a smart phone, calls him at work, and had him put his $50k/year plumbing biz in limbo to not pay $150/wk day care for a preschool nephew they'd become guardians of. Not his plan but his duty despite frequent grumbling about it.

He was in the driveway and seen that I'd stopped next door, heard what I said and ran to tell her. Now she's had him block my number and he's no longer allowed to speak to me or wave back when he drives by picking up the kids from school.

btw, he's working again, but has to be home early every day to be that chauffeur & keep the kids from riding the school bus.