do you loan your trailer out

[Soundguy]

If he turns out to be a decent person.. he will regret that behavior later.

soundguy

 

[patrick_g]

If he turns out to be a decent person.. he will regret that behavior later.

soundguy

I'd bet on finding philosopher's stone and transmuting base metals into gold as a more sure thing. Jerks usually get better at being jerks than reforming.

I am an optimistic realist. I hope for the best, but deal with reality.

Pat

 

[Redbug]

Right on, Pat.

 

[riptides]

A few noters have already touched on this.

Read your insurance policy on the trailer. The truck may have to go with it.

Please read your insurance policy before you decide what to do.

Good luck.

 

[Soundguy]

I'd bet on finding philosopher's stone and transmuting base metals into gold as a more sure thing. Jerks usually get better at being jerks than reforming.

I am an optimistic realist. I hope for the best, but deal with reality.

Pat

Ain't that the truth!

soundguy

 

[gemini5362]

I read the first 5 pages in the post and thought i would just jump to the end to put in my opinion.

1. I dont think you teach any child (no matter what the age) anything by lieing to them. So I dont agree with telling them a neighbor already spoke for it or it has flat tires or bad wheel bearings etc. Tell them the truth. That they cannot borrow it because you dont trust them to be responsible with it and you dont want to have your new trailer damaged. ( My kids and stepkids have been asking to borrow my porsche even the kid that cant drive a standard. They get told no extremely fast)

2. I love my grandkids and the instant that they are used to hold me hostage i stop seeing them. If you let your kids use the grandchildren to get whatever they want they will just want more and more. I have found that when they get mad and dont bring the grandkids over or dont calle me etc. It usually dont take long to need me to babysit while they take some time alone together or have an emergency they need me for.

3. I think you are extremely generous to offer to pay for a U-HAUL trailer for them. I have told my grown kids on more than one occasion that I am not responsible for them and I will be glad to help them move but it will be on my terms at my schedule. To me them getting mad because they cant have your trailer just because they dont want to deal with a U-Haul trailer sounds very spoiled and maybe they need to have to move themselves out of their own pocket.

I did read where you said your wife was going to use the truck and trailer to help them move. I will be very curious to see what the next thing they ask you for and use their built in hostages to achieve.

 

[gemini5362]

Pat I agree with your comments. Actually I am on my second marriage and my wife has a daughter and son. Both of whom are over the age of 21. I understand the situation he is dealing with and believe me when I say in my opinion his bigger problem is not with the daughter. If my stepdaughter asked to borrow my trailer after she had damaged it previously and I had offered to rent a U-Haul trailer instead. My wife would them how above and beyond the call I had gone to do that. If my offer to rent a trailer was not good enough for them then they need to buy their own trailer. I have moved my sons two or three times each. One son because I did not want to make multiple trips I just rented a 24 foot Uhaul truck for the weekend. Local rates were less than 100.00 for the weekend and I did not have to mess with it. I just told him to take it back when he was done with it. He liked that better because he could load it at his own pace and not have me complaining he needed to get busy because I had things to do. The other son I helped move two or three times but he does not have much stuff. When he lived near OKC and was moving back we rented an enclosed UHAUL trailer because the weather forecast was rain and that was better than doing the tarp thing. I have helped my stepdaughter move twice and my stepson move once. Every kid was told that I needed notice of when they were going to move and that If my schedule conflicted with theirs they either changed theirs or were on their own. They needed to learn that when you were asking for favors you did not dictate the schedule.

 

[Redbug]

Pat and Gemini,

You are absolutely right in your observations. I agree 100%. Too bad the rules of being a responsible person weren't laid out from the beginning. But, I think with divorces the children are caught in the middle to "find a way". It may be too late for mom and daughter to change. Both are caught up playing the same game. Another thing I have noticed about children from divorces...they are much more aggressive than "normal" children. They have had to adapt that way to try to get the attention they did not get otherwise. The aggressiveness also transfers into adulthood affecting how they interact with others, (not too good, sometimes).

Sorry for the ramblings...I have enjoyed this thread and all it's insights.

Most families have members that are dysfunctional. And it affects the rest of the family. Logic goes out the window... I grew up in a dysfunctional family and life for me really opened up after I left home many years ago.

If the wife is forced to make a choice between daughter and stepdad, the daughter will usually win. Maternal instinct will kick in. You think that human beings could see, dictate and fix the problems in their lives. But most folks cannot separate themselves from their problems enough to change. Humans are supposed to be above animals in that respect...but sometimes I wonder...

It's an interesting thread. I hope stepdad lets mom and daughter read it...

 

[GCLnIndiana]

Get a second trailer (already dinged up) and let them borrow that. Also, scare the bejeebers out of new boyfriend by having them sign a whole bunch of paperwork with legal mumbo jumbo making them swear to a boat load of liability and financial responsibility. Dtr-in-law won't pay any attention to it, but it might scare boyfriend off from the family.

 

[gemini5362]

Dave you are very right. I have said this before and will continue to say it. I am very blessed that the woman I talked into marrying me in my second marriage is such a great wife. I have heard her tell her children that I am her husband and that they had their own lives and hers is with me so if they were to force her to choose they might not like the results. I have also told my kids the same thing. At the age of my wife and I ( having met pat and his wife they are in the same age group) your kids are grown and have kids of their own. There are obviously some things that your kids are going to win out in hands down over a spouse. I would not want my wife not to feel that way and she knows how I feel. For the majority of things though your spouse needs to be the person in your life that comes first. In a matter like the trailer that is time to stand up with your spouse and tell the children that they are wrong and you are not going to support their wrong behavior.

 

[deere755]

Update

Well I am glad I was gone for this weekend. My wife took the truck and trailer over to help her daughter move and for some reason the boyfriend was no where to be found. They finally got a hold of him and he asks my wife do you really need my help. This really made her mad. So He shows up mad constantly complaining about how hot it was and how junkie her furniture was and running down her daughter finally my wife had enough and told him what she thought which in turn made her daughter mad. So after one load my wife told them she was going home and they could rent a u haul on there own.

 

[Redbug]

Wow! Good for your wife! She was honest and said what was appropriate. A little time and things will work themselves out.

 

[TA462]

LOL, good for her. I've loaned my trailers out a few times and only once one of them came back damaged. The neighbour broke a tail light somehow but replaced it right away. I'm kind of picky with my stuff and don't loan my truck or my tools to anybody but I'll loan my trailers out with the understanding that if you damage it you fix it.

 

[patrick_g]

Well, good... fantastic, mom DOES HAVE a backbone and boyfriend knows that now (daughter needs more maturity.) Step dad needs to compliment and reward mom for "doing the right thing."

A basic principle in human psychology is that behavior that is rewarded is behavior that is repeated.

Pat

 

[gemini5362]

Pat do you ring a bell when you reward that behavior. ( I wont go into how pat gets his sodas when he is working upstairs in his house.)

I told my wife about this thread and her reply was not only would I not want you to loan her the trailer if she brought it back damaged and did not offer to pay or apologize or anything. I would be mad if you offered to pay for the U-Haul next time she needed to move.


I had a friend who had a community trailer. I took him mine to fix when I wrecked it and borrowed his a few times the two years he worked on it. I broke a taillight once or twice and had to replace them. Another friend borrowed it from him and bent the hitch where it mounts to the ball. He bought him a new one but the owner did not get around to replacing it he just straightened it out and continued to use it. I got tired of trying to mess with the bent hitch so I borrowed it one weekend and bought a new bulldog hitch, all of us that borrowed it chipped in on it. Another guy we worked with helped me get the hitch on and new safety chains. I took it back to the owner and told him I had problems with the hitch again but I fixed them permanently this time. He thought I had broken it worse and said well I have the other hitch here we can just put it on. He went out and saw the new bulldog hitch and safety chains. Felt nice to help someone out that is always doing for others.

 

[patrick_g]

Pat do you ring a bell when you reward that behavior. ( I wont go into how pat gets his sodas when he is working upstairs in his house.)

Transfer of reward from the initial reward to a substitute (ring of a bell) can work but it takes longer to condition someone to do much work to hear the bell. Peer interest and pressure helps in that respect in setting expectations and standards. In a grade school class, for instance, if a group of kids go to the board and add a column of figures with the first one to get a right answer getting the coveted award of having the teacher ring the bell for them, they will try much harder than if not rewarded with the bell ringing in their honor.

This sort of motivation and conditioning goes beyond Pavlov but is not that far afield.

I think my soda request and delivery system is very useful, practical, and within proper taste and civility. Pushing it would be using the intercom to direct someone from a remote area to come to the soda supply area to fulfill the system operation.

Oh, and by the way. I have only loaned out my trailer (12,000 pound all steel util trailer) one time (without me attached) and it was returned like it left except the borrower chocked the wheels nicely.

Pat