Colloquialisms

[JethroB]

She looks good from far, but when you get close, she is far from good.

Sit down on this bar stool honey while I drink you pretty.

 

[JethroB]

Two bricks short of a load
Elevator doesn’t go to the top
The porch light is on but nobody is home
Not the brightest bulb on the tree
Useless as a screen door on a submarine
Ain’t worth the cost of the bullet to kill

 

[BravoXray]

Harder than Kelsey's nuts.

 

[gstrom99]

Not the sharpest tool in the shed

 

[2LaneCruzer]

She looks like she's been beat with an ugly stick...her nose is crooked as a dog's hind leg; and a fat hog could run between those bow legs of hers. She's so dumb she couldn't play dead in a cowboy movie.

 

[Fuddyduddy1952]

Couldn't beat his way out of a wet paper bag

 

[John0829]

Better the devil ya know than the one ya don't

Well ain't this a goat rope-in

 

[JethroB]

Has a goats butt got a windshield wiper?

 

[Fuddyduddy1952]

If not for bad luck I wouldn't have any luck at all.

That one is appropriate for today when I tried two new hydraulic hoses I ordered. See if you see why the tractor and I got soaked with hydraulic fluid.