Tipping etiquette...what would you do?

[rtimgray]

I'm going to try to make a long story short, so please bear with me...

My wife, son and nephew went to a casual dining restaurant this past weekend. My wife and I typically order a club sandwich (ham, turkey, cheese, lettuce, tomato, bacon, mayo) and split it, and we each get an order of fries. I can't stand mayo on a sandwich, while my wife likes it, so we always order the mayo "on the side".

I stressed this to our server - "blah...blah...and could you make sure that we get the mayo on the side, please?" The server assured us that he would, as he also didn't like mayo on his sandwiches (although I assume if someone orders extra mayo, he tells them he loves mayo...).

Our order comes out, and it took a while (the restaurant was not busy), and it was delivered by another server. The first thing I saw was mayo on the sandwich. My wife and I ask to have it sent back, and get the mayo on the side. Our server came by and apologized, said that he had told the kitchen specifically "mayo on the side". It ends up taking about 15 minutes for the sandwich to return, with NO mayo - not even on the side. We ask the server for the mayo on the side, and he says he'll go get it right away...and he doesn't return until it's time for the check.

The other fly in the ointment is this: This is the 3rd time in a row that this exact thing has happened at this exact restaurant (I'm a slow learner - my wife and son really like the restaurant, though). I asked the server if I could speak to the manager, and he said that the manager had just stepped out....(no, I don't believe that either - but I didn't see the manager walking around to each table as they often do, so I'll give him the benefit of the doubt).

Our server did remove the drink charges from our ticket for my wife and I (she had tea, I had Diet Mountain Dew), so he made an effort, but I thought that overall the service was poor.

Our ticket came to about $40 for the 4 of us, and I told my wife that I intended to leave $1 for a tip. She said "It's not the server's fault". Then where does the fault lie? I didn't go to the kitchen and order my food, so the server is my only contact. I think that current etiquette for a tip is between 15 and 20 percent (and I'm more on the 15 percent end of the scale), so that would be $6. We compromised and left $4.

The thing is, I'm sure that we will eat at this restaurant again, and that is my favorite item on the menu - when I get it with no mayo!!! What else can I do?

Thanks for letting me vent and I look forward to hearing how others have handled this situation.

Good luck and take care.

 

[mark02tj]

If this was the third time in a row that the exact same thing has happened at that restaurant... I think I'd find a new place to eat!! LOL!

Was it the same server all three times? If so, the problem lies with him. If not, it could lie in the kitchen.

Hopefully the $4 tip sent a message. A $1 tip would have sent a stronger message. If this is someplace that you go a lot, I would have talked to the server once you were told the manager "wasn't available." Stress to him that you like the food, but that the service is slipping. Sometimes employees just don't get it - that they're the reason that people will either come or not come to the place of business.

I'm a big proponent of voting with your wallet! If you keep going back there, you're voting "YES" to the service, food, etc.

MANY years ago (I was about 20), a couple of buddies and I went to a local rib house. Our waitress (a woman probably in her 40's at the time) was rude to us and gave us crappy service. We noticed a guy who was smoking next to the drink dispenser and he was flicking his ashes so some of them were going in the ice machine. We pointed this out to her and she said "that's the owner". Long story short - we left her $.02. She yelled at us on the way out. I've never been back. Amazingly, I've never talked to anyone locally that likes to eat at this place but they're, somehow, still in business. They're located right at the edge of a college campus, so I think they survive on students and out of town, visiting parents.

 

[smstonypoint]

The other fly in the ointment is this: This is the 3rd time in a row that this exact thing has happened at this exact restaurant (I'm a slow learner - my wife and son really like the restaurant, though).

The thing is, I'm sure that we will eat at this restaurant again, and that is my favorite item on the menu - when I get it with no mayo!!! What else can I do?

Next time order the sandwich without mayo and have your wife bring her own.

Am aside. Never tip an economist. To do so invites a lecture on the economic theories of tipping and nobody has that kind of time.

Steve

 

[polo1665]

I would ask to speak to the manager. We had this sort of thing happen a couple of weeks ago. After we spoke to the manager, it seemed to us that the fault landed solely on the kitchen staff. The waitress was very upset and went overboard to correct the issue, so we tipped her accordingly. The head chef ended up coming out and apologized personally. Point is, is that after speaking to the manager the issues seemed to get resolved at a much more satisfying rate.

Seems to me that waiters/waitresses are often at the mercy of the kitchen staff. If there is a problem I usually tip based on their willingness and speed in making things right. In your case I am thinking that the server wasn't much more concerned about your experience than the kitchen staff was. I don't know that I would go as low as a dollar (kind of seems like that would be rubbing their nose in it), but 20% would be out of the question.

 

[LD1]

I dont think $4 sent any message at all. Unless you are there frequently enough that you are regarded as a good tipper. Alot of people still only tip 10%.

IMO, this is completely the fault of the server. They took the order, put it in, and then served it to you. They are your only line of communication with the cooks. The server could have wrote the order down wrong, entered it wrong, etc.

But what is totally unacceptable it the long wait to get the order corrected, and then STILL didnt give you the side of mayo.

In the case as you describe it, I would have taken a harder line. Probably only would have left the change out of my pocket as a tip, especially as you couldnt talk to a manager. In the restaurant business, there should ALWAYS be a manager on duty and available to talk to within short order.

Given that the server is the only person you deal with, whatever is wrong with the meal ultimately reflects on there tip. If they got a bad cook or staff in the back, and tips start suffering as a result, its up to the servers to light a fire under their butts to start getting things right.

 

[polo1665]

Sorry, I guess I should have taken more time reading your post..........missed the part about the manager not being there. Sounds to me like this is sort of a regular place for you to eat, and you say you have had problems before. If this has happened three times in the past I would definitely not be going back (2nd time would have been my limit), but I would still not stiff the server.

Had you spoken to the manager during any of your prior visits?

 

[downsizingnow48]

When service is poor it could be server, kitchen or management to blame. Or poor teamwork among them all. The one-time tip might make the server happy or unhappy, but is unlikely to change the overall restaurant performance. Even with poor service I will give the server the benefit of the doubt and a good tip, then never go back.

Here in Sacramento we only go to places that have 4 1/2 stars or better on Yelp. Never had a bad experience since we moved here. I think the public Yelp review is a more effective incentive for consistent restaurant performance, compared to the private tip transaction.

 

[MikePA]

A tip reflects the quality of service from the server, not the entire restaurant staff and dining experience.

 

[Sawyer Rob]

I don't understand how it could have came to the point it did? Why would you keep going back?? Why did you leave a tip at all??

I'm willing to give a place a second chance, but NEVER a third or forth!

SO, this one is on YOU, for going back.....

SR

 

[MikePA]

Why did you leave a tip at all??

So, the server pays the price for mistakes made in the kitchen?

The OP has already explained why they went back.

 

[2LaneCruzer]

I am about to the point where I never send anything back if I can eat it at all; lest it pass through the chef's armpit on its way back...or something else similarly unappetizing. My experience has been if there is a problem that they can fix, they will almost always do it immediately if they are sincere. When it is belabored like this, my guess is it's intentional. I had a similar experience; ordered a BBQ pork sandwich, sauce on the side. It came with sauce on; I sent it back. It took a long time; the others were about half done with their food when my BBQ came back, only it was a hamburger. I sent it back, my BBQ arrived just as the others were paying, this time it was a BBQ with the sauce on. I simply left it. They gave me coupons for two free meals, which I promptly gave to someone who would use them. Of course I left no tip.

On the other side of the page, if you ever have a good meal with exceptional service, try calling the waiter(s) over and thanking them profusely for the fine service they have rendered. Tell them they have done very well and their efforts are appreciated. They will almost always be surprised, and exceedingly grateful. Of course leave an appropriate tip.

 

[Soundguy]

I usually start looking for a manage by the time the 2nd problem is cropping up.

If the problem repeats on other trips, that usually warrants a call/email/written letter to owner of the resturant / corporate chain. If a franchise, then a letter CC:'d to the owner and the franchise corp, letting them know their franchisee holder is making them look bad.


It's extra foot work, however very seldom do those type of notifications go unanswered. Sometimes answered at the corporate level, but more often, at the regional or restaurant level, after some higher up has crawled up the backside of someone lesser higher up, and so on till either the regional manager or the restaurant manager was the 'end of the train' so to speak.

 

[Sawyer Rob]

Yes, the server gets burned until the problem is fixed...if I was the server, I'd do a follow up with management to get it fixed or go down the road.....and I don't accept an "excuse" for going back.

Here's the original question,

Tipping etiquette...what would you do?

AND here's my answer....again! You get burned and go back?? It's on you!

SR

 

[300UGUY]

I generally tip pretty well, on the 20% end of the scale. But if I can't get what I want, I might not tip anything, and not ever come back. And I'd tell them that, on the way out. I have a couple of local places where I am a regular, and they know my name, what I like, and most important to them, that I tip well. Restaurants are kinda funny, the cooks are frequently very low paid, the servers generally make more than the kitchen staff. The manager is usually the only one makes more than the server's or bartenders.

 

[Soundguy]

in tipping in general.. if my wife and I split a large salad or something, we will over tip a hair as the server is getting a lower total bill. we tip good on good service. And we don't specifically punish a server for a restaurant issue beyond the servers controll.

 

[rtimgray]

Something I should have stated is that while this is the third time in a row that this has happened, it has taken probably 6 months or more to make those three trips. It may have even been longer than that - the restaurant is in a town about an hour away, and most of the time we eat at fast food places like Fazoli's or Chic-Fil-A in lieu of a sit-down, casual dining experience.

It just struck my wife and I odd that this exact thing has happened the last three times that we have been to this restaurant - with different servers each time. My line of thought was basically - 1st time, it can happen to anybody. 2nd time - maybe I didn't make myself clear when I ordered. 3rd time - I couldn't have been more clear, even getting confirmation from the server.

I still suspect that there was a manager on duty (although again, I didn't see anyone that appeared to be management, and there was a group of servers working on the satellite TV system, so maybe there wasn't - who knows). It makes me leery of returning to this restaurant again, because as other posters have noted - "Why do you keep going back?". Again, my only response to that is my wife really likes the restaurant (after all, she will eat mayo on her sandwich) and it was where my son wanted to go (and it was his birthday lunch).

I am going to call the restaurant today and try to speak to a manager so that I can ask them why this is such a problem (for me) at this location.

I appreciate the comments thus far.

Good luck and take care.

 

[LD1]

So, the server pays the price for mistakes made in the kitchen?

IMO, yes.

Since you have no direct interaction with the cook, any complaints (or low tips) go thru the servers. Its not like you can "choose" to pay less on the total bill. The tip is really the only thing in your control. Its not like the servers dont know the cooks, and dont talk or know whats going on. IF there is a bad cook, and results in bad tips for several of the servers, it is up to all of them (servers, cooks, and management) to work things out.

In the OP's case, we have no idea where the blame lies. The server could have very well messed this all up and we are blaming the cooks and tipping the server which could be backwards.

 

[Silvic]

Some establishments make the tips be divided among the staff, server, bus boy, cook. As a result you may be tipping the cook.
Why we refuse to eat out anymore unless it is absolutely required. Food can be prepared at home better, healthier and less expensive. Why pay for bad, unhealthy food and lousy service. As my wife says you can cook that better at home than they did.

 

[Gunny]

Somewhat on the same note - a few weeks ago the wife and I ate at one of the chain steak restaurants. They were pretty busy, but the waitress took our order and brought our drinks. From that point forward, everything we got was delivered by a different person (each time), the service for refills, etc was terrible and the next time we saw the waitress was when she brought our bill (and asked if everything was OK). When I told her that everything had not been OK, that wait times for our order and refills took took too long and that we preferred to deal with one wait person, she got very upset with me and started to recite how many tables she had to cover during our visit. I let it go, but didn't leave any tip, which really torked her up, her actual words were "what, are you too cheap to give a tip for service?".
When I answered that 1- I usually tip anywhere from 15 to 20%, depending on the service we received and 2- since we'd had so many people bring things to the table, I didn't exactly know who to tip, since it looked to met that she'd done less than any of the others.
Evidently, I said the wrong thing, because she went into this spiel about how the table was hers, she was busy and she'd simply asked others to help her out. When I told her that if that was the case, she should have asked others sooner and done a little checking up, because our service was below par, even for that particular restaurant.
Another wrong statement I guess, because she jumped right into a loud verbal rant, loud enough that the manager came over and wanted to know what the problem was. Once I talked to the manager, he also made the statement that they were very busy and implied that it was our fault for coming during peak hours. When I pointed out that it looked like a management problem that the place wasn't staffed during "peak hours", he backed off and offered me a coupon good for one free meal on our next visit.
I told him to keep his coupon since they'd never see us again. Heck, if I'm in that area again and I'm hungry, I'll eat at one of the so called fast food restaurants before I darken that places door again

Rant off

 

[polo1665]

Somewhat on the same note - a few weeks ago the wife and I ate at one of the chain steak restaurants. They were pretty busy, but the waitress took our order and brought our drinks. From that point forward, everything we got was delivered by a different person (each time), the service for refills, etc was terrible and the next time we saw the waitress was when she brought our bill (and asked if everything was OK). When I told her that everything had not been OK, that wait times for our order and refills took took too long and that we preferred to deal with one wait person, she got very upset with me and started to recite how many tables she had to cover during our visit. I let it go, but didn't leave any tip, which really torked her up, her actual words were "what, are you too cheap to give a tip for service?".
When I answered that 1- I usually tip anywhere from 15 to 20%, depending on the service we received and 2- since we'd had so many people bring things to the table, I didn't exactly know who to tip, since it looked to met that she'd done less than any of the others.
Evidently, I said the wrong thing, because she went into this spiel about how the table was hers, she was busy and she'd simply asked others to help her out. When I told her that if that was the case, she should have asked others sooner and done a little checking up, because our service was below par, even for that particular restaurant.
Another wrong statement I guess, because she jumped right into a loud verbal rant, loud enough that the manager came over and wanted to know what the problem was. Once I talked to the manager, he also made the statement that they were very busy and implied that it was our fault for coming during peak hours. When I pointed out that it looked like a management problem that the place wasn't staffed during "peak hours", he backed off and offered me a coupon good for one free meal on our next visit.
I told him to keep his coupon since they'd never see us again. Heck, if I'm in that area again and I'm hungry, I'll eat at one of the so called fast food restaurants before I darken that places door again

Rant off

If nothing else, the behavior of the waitress and manager at that restaraunt should help to solve their "too busy at peak hours" problem.