Will be a Dad soon...need tips from Dads...

[Podunkadunk]

WOW!

I had no idea I'd get this much feedback! Trust me when I say, I have read each of the posts TWICE. I read them, then I showed them to my wife. She read over them too, up to this point. I really appreciate you guys taking the time to post. There are a lot of good points here and most importantly, they are pretty much all trial and error/life-lessons!

My wife is an RN. Although not in a pediatriacs field, she will be extremely helpful in the "kid getting sick" department.

Breastfeeding will be done, but from what wifey says, only for the first few weeks. Our pediatrician (has kids) says that the hormone passed immuno and other disease fighting properties are received by the first few weeks of breastfeeding.

I'm a business analyst and work from home, with ocassional bus. trips. We have a plan for when I have to make a trip. Wife will take a few months off work, then go back. My wife is really "type-A". She is VERY independent and strongwilled is an understatement. She WANTS to work and HAS to work to satisfy her ego. I told her to quit, but she loves her job and refuses to do so. It's a moot point and she won't talk about it anymore. That makes me "daddy-day-care", at least up until the point where the baby is walking around getting into everything. I'm going to keep her at home as long as I can balance work/daughter combo. After that, she'll go to a local church daycare. They have a great reputation in these parts...but like I said, the baby will be walking by then. Day care is good for a child in my opinion. It gives them interaction with other children...something that can't be had while daddy is on a conference call.

Bottle warming...won't happen here. Anything to save a minute will be precious. Everyone I know that recommended not heating the baby's milk said it's awesome and the baby doesn't know the diff.

Diaper Genie...I didn't even know what that was...had to "google" it. haha. Wife says there's one on our registry...I think a trash can outside the garage will suffice, but that's just me

Diapers...wife's been buying them since May. We've got a closet full of them of assorted sizes. They are all brand name...someone said to go for the brand names. My wife said she had heard that too from one of her co-workers...said the cheapo's are well...cheap. Cheap=leak.

Baby monitor. Too late on that one boss. Wifey got one already. High Tech little gadget. Heck, it even has a monitor. I like gadgets!!! Around here, we don't have to worry about neighbors being "pesky" and eavesdropping, just don't have any close enough to listen in. We are in the boonies. Heck, our cell phones barely pick up a signal in the house.

Sleep. I won't beat this one up anymore...we know, we're expecting not to be getting any.

Free time. Already made arrangements with friends, relatives to have sitters upon request. We'll try to keep the love life strong, but know that the baby will detract somewhat.

Sharing with the baby duties. I don't mind. Poop, pee, puke...I've seen/smelled/handled worse. I'll try and do my part.

Did I mention no sleep? haha.

Keep 'em coming. Wife and I both enjoy reading the posts. More later,
Podunk

 

[Killer_B]

Need tips/advice/lessons learned in preparing for a child.

The very biggest favor you can do for your daughter is to stay married to her mother.

 

[Podunkadunk]

The very biggest favor you can do for your daughter is to stay married to her mother.

Yes. This is absolutely the number 1 tip given this far!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I never want my child to go through what I did with my parents' divorce.

Podunk

 

[scott_vt]

Amen to that. You'll get a good night's sleep again sometime after they turn 30. (maybe)

Afternoon Bill,
No truer words were ever spoken ! Mine are only 24 and 26 and the wife is still up worrying and they dont even live home anymore !

Afternoon Podunkadunk,
Congrats and enjoy, youll be pretty intelligent until they get to the teenage years and then your IQ will spiral rapidly down hill ! Then a few years later, you will be a intelligent again ! Good Luck !

 

[Bird]

Mine are only 24 and 26 and the wife is still up worrying

Yep, and we always will. Mine are 38 and 41 and we haven't quit worrying about them yet.

 

[dooleysm]

I am an only child and both my parents worked outside the home, so I went to daycare exclusively. My wife is one of 4 and her mom stayed at home full time. I have several friends who's mother's stayed home, and I gotta say, while it may be better for the kids, I don't think it's in the best interest of the mom. I think that adults need adult interaction. A stay at home mom may go all week and not get any adult interaction other than her husband, who is probably focussed on the kids when he gets home. The stay at home mom's I've known have all seemed a little 'off' to me. Too much time with kids. For now, my wife works 3 days a week and is at home the other 2. It's worked well for us so far, but as with children, all wives are different

As for the kids, I agree that they need interaction with other kids that aren't their siblings. I raise beagles and with beagle pups we call it 'socialization'. I don't see how it can be a necessary part of raising a dog, but not a kid. The more different kinds of people your kids can meet and interact with, the better off they'll be.

Our 6 week old has pretty well gotten to the point where he doesn't care one way or the other. At first though, we made bottles for the night ahead of time and refridgerated them. He wouldn't drink a cold bottle. With breast feeding, I don't think it's going to be an issue anyway.

Used diapers stink. There's no two ways about it. But, like changing a diaper, I've seen and smelled worse. The key I think is to keep the stink outside of your living area and you'll be fine.

It's too late now, but I know that there's one name brand of diapers that my wife won't buy because they ALWAYS leaked. I don't remember which it is, Pampers, Huggies, or one of the other's that we've all heard of, but she won't buy them.

Baby monitor is great when the baby is older, but as other's have said, it's not needed for night time. My wife is a very sound sleeper. She never hears the dogs barking at night. She ALWAYS wakes up when the baby makes the slightest sound though. When the baby is older it's great when you put them down for a nap and you can go outside and work in the garden, water the flowers, or whatever. We use ours alot for that, but never at night.

Sleep was not a problem with the first one. Even if the wife was up at night feeding or whatever, she could go to bed early the next night or get a nap during the day (if it was the weekend or one of her 'home' days) while I watched the baby. With 2 it's much worse. If she's tired she can't go to bed early because there's no way I can handle a baby AND keep a toddler quiet enough for her to sleep. There's plenty of sleep to be had when you can team up and help eachother.

As far as free time, we built our house during the 2 years before and after we got married, so our amount of free time stayed the same. Our non-free time just shifted from house building to child raising.

"Sharing with the baby duties. I don't mind. Poop, pee, puke...I've seen/smelled/handled worse. I'll try and do my part." That's exactly my philosophy. And really, changing a diaper is not particularly hard or disgusting, and a history of men being uninvolved with child rearing has set the bar VERY low. Anything you do will be much appreciated.

 

[scesnick]

My wife works from home and what we did was trun a spare bedroom into a playroom/ office. Computer, desk, work stuff in one corner, Toys, DVD player, crib, all the fun stuff for the young one in the other corner. It seemed to work out pretty well.

You sound like you and your wife have this parenthood thing dialed in already. If will be a life changing experience ( for the better of course ) and I'm sure you guys will do great!

I also agree that the best thing you can do for your daughter is to stay married to your wonderful wife. I went through a wicked bad divorce when I was a kid and the minute my first daughter was born I told my wife that she is
totally stuck with me from that point on.

 

[DocHeb]

From a Father of three - Boys 22 and 20, Daughter 16:

1. Never make a child discipline threat that you're not willing to carry out in the end. If you fail at this, she will learn that what you say is not the final answer and it means she just hasn't whined enough.

2. No child was suffered from of a lack of television exposure. Other than Sesame Street and the Discovery Channel, most of what is on TV is poison to the mind. COPS is not a good show for adults to watch, much less kids. Never let your kids watch the local news - too much sensationalization and will make them feel unsafe.

3. After 1 year old, don't worry about a thermometer. If the baby is hot, give some liquid Motrin. If they cool off and are happy, don't worry. If she stays hot and irritable after Motrin, time to call the doctor. Never wake a child to take a temperature.

4. Excellent advice about the 529 college savings plan. Start it, put something, even $20 a month, but put something every month. Compounding interest is your friend.

5. Teach her the relationship between work and money. When my boys were 5 & 7, we would take bike rides around the neighborhood looking for returnable cans. They would clean them off and return them for $1 - $2. After seeing the "Super-Soaker 2000" water guns on TV they really wanted them, but after hearing they cost "300 cans" each ($30), they undertood that that was a lot of work to get a squirt gun.

6. When she asks you a question (Can I..., Will you..., I want...) your immediate response will be "No". Try to slow down you answers to these questions and decide if it really should be "No", or is it just "No" because you're tired. If you answer "No" too fast and you let her protests change your answer to "Yes", she will soon learn that all that is needed to change your mind is more protests and whining. This is a corollary to #1. If you really do need to change your mind about an answer, change it after the fact and distant to her protests.

7. With the first lay-on-the-floor-kicking-and-screaming temper tantrum, just look very puzzled, ask "what the heck are you doing?", and walk away. Don't get involved with her while she is in that state - she'll learn that it really isn't effective and this will no longer be an issue. See #1 and #6.

8. No impulse buying - I can remember the boys and I watching two boy "con artists" in the checkout line using their behavior to get candy and trinkets from their mother - "I want, I want, I want..." Mom gave in. I turned to my boys and said "I'm glad you two don't act like that." They understood.

9. Say "Yes" as much as you can, but saying "Yes, but you will need to ..." might be a better answer. See also #6.

10. During the first school teacher conferences, agree with the teacher that you will believe half of what is said about teacher if the teacher agrees to believe half of what is said about you.

11. While supporting your daughter as much as possible, do not automatically believe her side of the story over the teacher, the police, or other authority.

12. I told my kids throughout their childhood that "my most important job is to teach you to be responsible adults." They still laugh when I remind them of this. Teach them this by having high (but reasonable) expectations, and expect honesty and honor. Teach them this by your actions.

13. Don't buy a PlayStation/GameBox/Wii, etc. You will of course be the meanest parent on earth, but these are not much better than TVs. Make her play outside instead. Have her either play sports of some kind or have extrcurricular activities that she likes.

14. When she is old enough for a computer, make sure you know enough about computers to monitor where she's going and what she is seeing. Keep a list of her email and password to web sites she goes to.

15. When she is older, know the names of her friends, their parent's names and phone numbers. If she is going to somebody's house, find out who will be there. Don't be afraid to call the friend's house to clear the plans with the parents. Expect a call with every change in plans as they occur, not after the fact.

16. A corollary to #2 (TV watching): PG13 movies mean nobody under 13. R movies mean nobody under 17. Stick to your guns, there is enough exposure to trash in their life that you don't have to pay to see garbage at the movies.

17. Do not let her play one parent off the other. After getting a "No" response, attempts at getting the other parent to say "Yes" should be dealt with directly. Remember, it is you two against her.

18. Hug her every day and tell you you love her. Have a special nickname for her that only you use. Get her attention by whistling an 8-9 note tune that she will recognize as coming from you, so that she will look up every time she hears it and know its you. Promise to protect her always.

 

[BTDT]

Yours is a girl so this might be tough. Let her play. Inside on the floor, outside in the dirt. I have seen people freak out because their child was dirty (with dirt). It won't hurt them. And I believe it's good for them, and you too (think mudpies). Show her the world while she is small, bugs, frogs, fish, turtles, etc. Read, Read, Read, to her. My daughter had her favorite books, and sometimes I would change up the story, and she would laugh and say that's not how it goes. She had heard it right so many times she knew if it was wrong and she couldn't even read yet. Great times ahead. You will be her hero. At least for about the first 13 years

 

[scesnick]

It's too late now, but I know that there's one name brand of diapers that my wife won't buy because they ALWAYS leaked. I don't remember which it is, Pampers, Huggies, or one of the other's that we've all heard of, but she won't buy them.
.

Pampers leak ( and are more expensive ) The Huggies in the purple wrapping work the best and are actually cheaper than the others. Atleast this is true for little girls, not sure about boys...