Will be a Dad soon...need tips from Dads...

[dooleysm]

My wife is constantly bringing home weird advice from her mom and co-workers. Not just about kids, but about all kinds of stuff. I am constantly having to battle these 'old wives tales'.

There is very little information out there that is make or break kind of stuff. Babies are very resilient and hard to break. Use common sense and you can figure everything out. Think about how many people there are running around this planet. Then think about how many morons you know. It's a sad fact that alot of these morons are successfully raising babies. It's not that hard. If you let your baby 'soak' in a wet diaper for an extra hour because you are too exhausted to deal with it or forget and put him or her to bed on her belly you are not a bad parent, you are just human, and your baby is not going to remember or care in 10 minutes.

 

[PBinWA]

First rule for you and your wife: It's not about you any more. Kiss your "free time" good bye for a while.

Tip for you: During prenancy (you've probably already seen it) and after birth, hormones can make most women a little crazy. Bite your tongue and keep this in mind. She's going to be fragile for a while.

Get a pediatrician that has kids (and actually raised them a bit too) medical training + real world experience go a long way.

Don't go too crazy solving problems (i.e. teaching the kid sign language), most of these "issues" are gone so fast it's insane to think you got upset about them. I think the sign language thing is funny since by the time the kid is any good at "baby sign language" they should be able to talk. Unless of course you spent all your time signing at your kid and not talking to them.

Things like learning to use a cup or weaning the kid only take a few months at most. While it may seem like a big deal at the time just grind through it and before long it is a distant memory.

 

[Dallas_Lilly]

I now have three children, a 4 month old boy, a 2 year old girl and a 5 year old girl. ALL THREE HAVE BEEN DIFFERENT and what has worked for one does not work for the other. For the first two children my wife worked a 60 hour work week and I worked a 40. I got do everything involved with infant and child care and I can tell you that if you use common sense and figure out what works it will come easy after a few months.

We have fed all of our children baby cereal and baby food as soon as they would eat it. We found that feeding them solids before they went to be helped them sleep longer.


If you are using child care see if you can find family members. We recruited my SIL when our first child was born and she has turned into a profitable business. I used to hate sending the girls off but I figured since I had no other choice family members were the best choice. We have been blessed and my wife no longer has to work so much.

You may not have the amount of time you would like to spend with them but make the most of the time you do. Do not think that just because the child is a girl that she will not enjoy activities with you. My oldest sat water tanks with me all summer and watched deer, elk.....

Most importantly ENJOY the child it will only be little once. Take lots of pictures and videos. We already look at pictures and videos of our oldest and cherish the memories.

 

[scesnick]

I agree with picking up a crying baby. She is a baby and needs attention. Also, If you want your wife to not kick you out of the house you have to pitch in ALOT !!
I know alot of people will say not to sleep in the same bed as your baby but we did. My good friend had a son that died of SIDS when my first daughter was only 3 weeks old. We asked the Ped. if this was O.K. and he said that if it put us at ease then yes, it is O.K. I know I woke up 5-6 times a night just to see if she was still breathing for weeks on end.

I know this is down the road a little bit but the quicker you can potty train your daughter the easier your life will be . Both of mine were fully potty trained by 18-20 months old. Positive re-enforcement was the key. if she pee'd in her little potty she got a sticker to put on her potty lid. . If she poo'd in it she got a special treat, what ever she wanted. it didn't take long.

 

[dmccarty]

Get a pediatrician that has kids (and actually raised them a bit too) medical training + real world experience go a long way.

And find a COMPETENT doctor. We had a couple Doctors who where less than competent for the first baby. Thankfully, for our second child we had an excellent Doc at delivery. If the delivery doc from the first child, delivered our second, I'm pretty sure I would be a widower.

The kids need a good doc as well. One pediatrician we had missed that our second kid had RSV. AND a kidney infection. We had her at the doc on a Friday. We knew the kid was sick. The doc said she just had a cold. We went to my parents for Christmas and left on Saturday. I could tell the kid was getting worse during the trip and Saturday night. Sunday we took her to a Doc in the Box. Long story short, a six month old got to ride to the ER in an ambulance a couple days before XMAS. She was treated successfully and at least she was out of the hospital before XMAS.

We found a new doctor for the kids.

And we drive 50 miles round trip to get to the new doctor. Once you find a good one don't let go. Unfortunately the family has a variety of health issues and we have found some good and quite a few bad doctors. If you ain't at all happy with what the Doc says, does or does not do, move on.

Later,
Dan

 

[RobJ]

1) Get yourself a good wife, loves kids, etc... (ok a little late on this one, I'm sure you did ok).

2) Tell her to quit her job and raise your kid....not someone else. Beg, borrow, steal, sell the tractor, but raise your own kids for 24 hours a day, not after 6:00pm on weekdays and all day weekends. Yep it's tough, I could probably retire earlier if my wife who had a good paying job didn't quit it for 12 years or so. She started back working at the kids schools and works at the high school today. We also the the College Texas Tomorrow Fund when they were about 5-6.

And be careful what you wish for. You might just get it...

And finally, 1 child is really easy. 2 is about 3 times harder as 1. And 3....well we stopped at 2. 1 boy, 1 girl and 1 vasectomy.

 

[KubotaSteve]

I agree with you Rob. My wife and I have 3 kids: an 11 year girl, 4 year old boy and a 13 month old girl. My wife didn't quit work after having the first one, but quit before the 2nd one was born and has loved every minute of it.
Words of wisdom:
1. Breastfeeding is the best if possible, never have to make a bottle, (plus you still get to sleep cause you can't do that
2. when starting on food, make your own, much better for the baby and a whole lot cheaper.
3. trust your instincts on the baby, my wife seems to have a 6th sense and can almost tell what the baby is feeling.
4. Every baby is different, so trial and error is a definite.
5. Always take the time to do something they want to do (happens later on) a classic example is my 4 year old wanted to help me do a project that I could have done by myself in 2 hours so I let him help me and we were all day working on it, but it was the best time ever.
6. don't be afraid to spoil them, just teach them the right way!!!! My oldest daughter was the first grandchild on my side and is spoiled rotten, but she is very respectful to people, polite and friendly (gets citizenship award every year in school), and hard working whether outside or with the other two kids.
7. Have fun enjoy the experience and don't wish for them to grow up because they do that fast enough on their own.
Concrats and good luck

 

[AlanB]

Realize that even many of the "experts" are clueless, and if it does not seem to be "right" and "working" for you, look elsewhere.

Ie, my first child would not eat (oh, say for three days after birth) We were listening to all the "experts" best most expensive peidiatrician, breast feeding counselor etc. etc. They were all,,, Oh, you are just not trying hard enough..

We bumped into the Nurse midwife that had seen my wife during pregnancy at the county clinic. Wife and I both in tears, VERY, yellow baby, She stopped, we talked, she said just go down, get some pedialite in a bottle, get the girl to drinking,,, then worry about what she is drinking. Quick trip to walmart, drinking baby, getting healthier, went to breast milk the next day, contrary to what all the "experts" said.

I would tell you to insure that you line up some kind of support or help system to take care of the baby every now and then so you and your wife can get out together and keep your relationship going.

Everyone has to feel it out for themselves, and while our kids are the primary focus of our lives, I do hope they move on with their lives in a couple years, and I plan on being with the wife as long as we are alive.

That said, I try and keep some stuff going for us, seperate from the kids.

As much as I dislike Hillary, the quote she made popular of "it takes a village" we apply very much (some will say too much) to our kids. For us, we believe that the kids should be well rounded and have exposure to multiple veiwpoints and inputs, and if they are always around only you, they just wont recieve that.

Good luck, I hope it all works well for you. I know for me it is the most rewarding, and most difficult thing I do.

 

[RobJ]

Oh here is another one that you'll always hear if you have small kids.

"your baby is to small, are they eating enough?" Listen to your doctor, not everyone else. Both of my kids were always in the lower percentages. I was a small kid(skinny) for most of my life. My wife would even start to worry when people would say something. Doc says they are fine...even though my daughter was just a tad over 20# at 2 years old. She is now a stocky 90# and is working through 5'7(15yo). My son was not as skinny but short(front row in all the pictures as was my daughter) He's approaching 6' these days(I'm 6'2", Mom is 5'4") and I'm not sure how much he weighs, we'll see if he gets the Freshman 15 in college this year.

Those "What to Expect the first year" books seemed to be pretty accurate says my wife. There is a whole series.

 

[Spiveyman]

Hilarious! Turn to a tractor website to ask about kids!!! Well, I have a 3 yr old girl and a 7 month old boy, so I know a far bit more about kids than tractors. I strongly agree with RobJ and KubotaSteve on their posts. Here's my list based on my experience, not in any particular order:

1.) Don't compare what your kid is doing to every other kid close to their age. They are all different. Your cousin's kid may be walking at 7 months (mine's was) but may not be talking good at 3 years old. My little girl never crawled until the week of her 1st birthday. She'd just sit there content to play with her toes, but she can carry on a conversation with you like she's 10 years old. They all develop at different rates, just enjoy her.

2.) Get a digital camera if you don't have one, and a digital video camera if you can afford one. She will grow up so fast your head will be spinning, so take lots of pics, digital is cheaper in the long run. You will never look back and wish you had fewer pictures of her.

3.) Sign language.... some may disagree, but we taught our girl to sign. You'd be amazed what they can learn WAY before they can talk and ours was an early talker. She could tell us she needed her diaper changed before she was 8 months old. Instead of crying, she'd just sign, and we'd change her. When she wanted more food, she'd sign "more" and then point to what she wanted, no screams or grunts, and she learned to say please before she got what she wanted. I'm telling you, it was awesome to communicate with her that early. I think it helped her verbal skills and reasoning skills as well, because she was learning and interacting, not just crying for what she wanted.

4.) Let her learn to fall to sleep. This is kind of on the "let her cry" theme. If you put her down for bed while awake and let her learn to fall asleep on her own it will help down the road. Rocking to sleep is sweet and fine every now and then, but I have cousins who still have to rock their 3 year olds to sleep EVERY night. That is insane. Ours are trained, when put in bed, to go to sleep. That is different from just letting her cry all the time. When she needs something, tend to it, hold her a bunch, but when its time to sleep, let her cry now, it'll save LOTS of crying later.

5.) I'm neutral on the passy thing. We didn't let either of our kids have passy because I hate them. However both suck their fingers now. The beauty of the passy is you decide when to take it away. We've tried everything to keep my daughter's fingers out of her mouth - that nasty tasting fingernail polish, sewing socks into her PJ top - nothing has worked.

6.) Breast feed/bottle feed, there are pros and cons. My wife wants to be super mom (and is pretty close) so she did/does the breast feeding rout. Cheaper for sure, but you can't always just take off and do stuff. She's modest so she doesn't do that in public. And pumping for a bottle is a pain in the rear. If you can deal with the inconvenience for 6 - 12 months, it's the way to go, but if not the kid will survive on formula. I came home from the hospital on 2% cows milk because I was allergic to the formula back then. I survived, and other than not being able to weld, I'm doing pretty good. That thing about there being lots of people on this planet AND lots of morons - kids are pretty resilient.

7.) There are a million kid-gadgets out there. My philosophy, if they didn't need it on "Little House on the Prairie" they don't need it now. (I use that because it's my wife's favorite show.) We don't use child locks on the doors, toilet seat etc. We simply teach our kids what not to do and they obey. If it's life and death, sure make it safe, but for general stuff kids need boundaries. Don't be afraid to tell them no. They need to learn that word. It won't kill them.

I could write book, but better wrap it up. Love your kid, spend as much time as you can, but be a parent not a buddy. She'll have lots of buddies, but only one dad. Sometimes it stinks to have to be a dad and say no to things, but it's the right thing to do.

Congrats man. I hope you get as much enjoyment from her as I have from mine.