What lessons do we teach our children?

[Gatorboy]

This thread has covered quite a bit -- I am not one to "let the kids win".

In life there are WINNERS and LOSERS. The sooner kids realize this, the better off they will be. If everything is a "TIE", or you let them win, they will not strive to improve.

Example: Why do you think football in the state of Florida is so good -- COMPETITION.

Being competitive and working on getting better in sports will carry over into education and life skills as well.

 

[KubotaSteve]

I agree with you 100%. Kids need to learn that there are winners and losers in life. If you are not a winner in sports, then maybe you could be a winner in mental games like chess or a winner at raising animals, etc.
My daughter had a Trouble game that she played so much the popper dome became so scratched up inside you could barely see the die. If she lost, the rule was she had to shake the person's hand she was playing and tell them good game.
As far as playing sports with her, I don't downright throw the game, but I don't pour it on so hard that she becomes bored.
I focus on sportsmanship with her and don't even worry about score too much. When she asks about a score I told her to focus on having fun for now and the score will take care of itself and besides its the coaches job to worry about the score and the strategy that needs to be employed.
I personally think parents have become to involved in kids athletics. I come from a small town where baseball is king and I have seen parents have their teenage kids balling from yelling at them because they didn't win or didn't perform well. In high school I remember the parents of a friend of mine telling him he needed to get at least a 82 on a test to be able to play baseball instead of saying do your best and aim for a 100.

 

[Junkman]

It isn't who wins that counts, it is who plays the best that counts. Too often if kids can get by with minimal effort, that is all that they will do. I feel that the child with minimal intelligence that applies him/her self as best as they can deserves the higher grade than the child that has the ability to do better but only gives minimal effort to get by. That is the problem with education today... we are holding to standards of mediocrity to keep anyone from failing and not rewarding those that are putting full effort into learning. We are teaching them that all that is required of them is enough effort to meet the median goal of all the students. I know that this is going to get some peoples feathers ruffled, but teachers are not asking our children to be the best any longer, but to only do that which is enough to get by. When parents deliberately throw the game, they are teaching the children that winning is all that matters and that no matter how old you are or what your experiences in life consist of, just because you are young, the older people will allow you to succeed, so your fragile self esteem isn't bruised. Then they get out into the real world and learn a very hard lesson... It really isn't like that after all. I feel that we have to let the children know what it is like to fail, and to succeed, if we want them to always strive to win in life they must give it there best.
Junkman's sermon for the day.... /forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif

 

[Gatorboy]

Junkman,

I agree with everything you had to say in your Sermon!

 

[Richard]

Having grown up with a pool table, I can make more shots than I miss.

When I play with someone who I have a CLEAR advantage over here's my thought process.

1. I know THEY are not going to have "fun" (what it's all about) if I trounce them every game.

2. They are not going to have fun if they know I "gave in"

Quite the quandry so what to do?

What I do is if I have shot "A" that would be my typical attempt, I'll foregoe it and I'll shoot for shot "B" which is a long rail shot, bank shot, combo shot... anything. I'll TRY to make it, I'll just work on a harder shot than I might otherwise, sort of giving them a handicap by me not taking the cheesy shots.

(soccer shots off head only perhaps?)

So in reality, though I'm playing a game of pool with them, I'm really playing agaisnt MYSELF and if I win or lose, matters not to me because I'm in it for the social aspect of it. (though I try to win them all)

If they win, then they can feel good because they can see I'm trying.

So far, seems to work for me

 

[MossRoad]

<font color="blue"> Moss . . . is it safe to say that you make them TRY? And that the message that they are learning is that they have to try? </font>

That's safe to say. I've told my oldest many times I'd be more proud of her getting a D in a class that she really struggled through than getting a B in a class that she puts no effort into. That was hard for her to understand.

 

[AndyM]

<font color="blue"> When parents deliberately throw the game, they are teaching the children that winning is all that matters and that no matter how old you are or what your experiences in life consist of, just because you are young, the older people will allow you to succeed, so your fragile self esteem isn't bruised. Then they get out into the real world and learn a very hard lesson... It really isn't like that after all. </font>

That is correct...
I wish I could remember where I saw it, but I read a study that showed that suicide rates among young adults were rising, and the report attributed it to the fact that they were always made to feel like "winners" growing up, then they got out into the "real" world for the first time and failed out on their own, because they no longer had someone "letting" them win, so to speak.