What lessons do we teach our children?

Bob_Skurka · May 23, 2005

This afternoon I left work a few hours early to play in the "Parents versus Kids" soccer match for the team my daughter plays on.

It was very clear from the beginning that SOME parents clearly were out to let the kids win. It was also very apparent that SOME parents were there to play a hard game and let the better team win.

Now I don't think any parent had the attitud that we should make the kids bleed and send them to bed without dinner after we beat them in soccer and showed them who was boss, but clearly some were there to play a game and let the kids see that they still have some learning and some growing to do. Other parents were so blatantly throwing in the towel that the kids were saying "you know they are giving up on purpose."

So my question is, what lesson do we teach our children if we just let them win?

And my follow up is what lesson do we teach our children if we play a hard game and beat them?

And my other follow up is which is better for them to learn about life?

Now to tell you the outcome, we tied 7 to 7. Parents dominated the first half, threw the game very very blatantly in the second half so that even the kids were complaining that it wasn't fun anymore! And if you care to guess what side of the parents debate I was on, I scored one goal, assisted in 3 others. But when I "let up" in the second half, it was not in a blatant way.

What say you all about teaching life's lessons to children?

rockyridgefarm · May 23, 2005

Bob, you took time off from work (and tbn!) to be with her. What else matters?

Inspector507 · May 23, 2005

I don't think I'd ever play to "let the kids win", they'd know you threw the game. But I'm not there to trounce them either. Play the kick/shot to "intentionally" let them hone the skills they've already learned. Give them a chance defend against your shot. Give them the confidence that they can actually play against older/larger opponents. You're there to be a sparring partner, not to humilate them.
The true lesson to teach them is confidence and that maybe practice pays off.
Just my opinion, from the what I've been through with my boys.

OkeeDon · May 23, 2005

It was always an easy decision for me. Given my athletic prowess, I played as hard as I could and ended up with sympathy from the kids. The usually took it easy on me and threw the game my way. Back in those days, the sport was usually softball, and I was always stuck in left field. After running up the score with hits to my area sufficient to beat the adults, the kids would back off out of pity for me.

The lesson they taught me was humility...

thcri · May 23, 2005

Well my girls I guess I would not play as hard. But now my 22 year old son who actually could probably beat the living day lights out of me I would do it different. I would do every thing I could to beat him but then tell him I was coasting. You see my son could take care of me but he just doesn't know it yet. The day he figures this out I'm dead meat. /forums/images/graemlins/confused.gif /forums/images/graemlins/confused.gif

murph

Bird · May 23, 2005

I've played some "sports" type games with my daughters and grandson in which I didn't try very hard to win, but I usually tried hard enough that at least they weren't sure I threw the game. But in mental games, I never let them win. I tried to teach them the best I could, but they had to work at it and earn it if they wanted to win. And if you ever wanted to see an excited kid, you should have seen my youngest daughter, and many years later, her son, the first time they beat me at a game of chess.

jpm · May 23, 2005

Well one thing you and the rest of the parents showed the kids was
you care about them .Now how parent act at games is a whole differant story,if they scream, curse , belitte the other team or
the "bad " kid on the team the kids would be better off if no parents were there /forums/images/graemlins/frown.gif i have seen this up close for many years .
j

beenthere · May 23, 2005

Well, why not make it fair and have the kids play the grandparents? /forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif

Seems from the onset, the parents should beat the kids, but then I don't see what the kids age range is in your thread.

But the topic is a good one. If the parents are better and the kids want to play against them, they should find out how much better they really are. As you pointed out, sounds like they didn't want to just see the parents give it to them. Indeed, they did learn a lesson, of one sort or another. /forums/images/graemlins/confused.gif

I was thinking about something else when I read the title to your thread. In fact several things, that we 'teach' our children. Just walk through the check out at the local grocery store, and read the headlines of the articles on dozens of covers about how to enhance the sex, the drive, and the details of a bedroom relationship. I can't help wonder what the young minds are thinking. Or just as blatant, the erection pills that cover the airwaves now. And we wonder what respect for the opposite sex they can possibly have in their minds. (sorry to stray from your thread).
Your heading is right on "What lessons do we teach our children?"

8561 · May 23, 2005

When my boys were maybe 3 or 4, I would sometimes let them win. I do mean sometimes. When they got to be 5 or 6, their winning days ended. Like the Inspector said, I'm not out to punish them and make it not fun, but I always win. It gives them goals to strive for. It makes winning mean something. By the time they are teenagers, and I'm further over the hill, I'm sure they will start to beat me at stuff, but when they do, they will have earned it and they will know they have earned it. There is no better feeling.

When I was a kid, my Dad played baseball, basketball, ping-pong, pool, you name it with me almost every day. Other than batting practice, in which he obviously wanted me to hit, he always won. When I beat him the first time, I earned it, and I remember it. It made me strive to win and made me learn the hard life lesson that nothing comes easily and without work.

Bob_Skurka · May 24, 2005

I think we are finally getting close to what I was thinking about when I posted, but I intentionally posted a bit vague.

So to make my question a bit more clear, after the game the lovely Mrs_Bob and I sat and had a nice conversation at dinner about teaching kids that life is not easy, that kids have to work to achieve their goals and that these lessons carry on to their adult life. Next week we have an event at the school and one of the moms suggested ribbons for the, 1st, 2nd & 3rd place teams. Several moms thought it was OK, most of the dads were very supportive. HOWEVER, some of the LOUD moms thought it was unfair to the kids who didn't get any ribbon so it was suggested that everyone gets a "participation" ribbon. That was acceptable UNTIL the people who wanted the 1st, 2nd &3rd place winners figured out that those teams would NOT get 1st, 2nd or 3rd place ribbons, they too would get the "participation" ribbon. After the fight, it was decided that NO teams should get anything!

The parents I played soccer with could be divided up into the same two groups as the school parents.

Group #1) equalize everything, let the lowest achiever get the same award as the best achiever

Group #2) recognize everyone, but reward excellence so children realize that their achievement is special

We had fun at the soccer game, but when you hear the kids complaining that the parents are letting them win then you have to really wonder. One of the dads let the kids take the ball EVERY time he got it, it was to the point that if he was alone he would hold the ball with his foot until the kids came to him. Later as it was so obvious that he was not playing against them, if a child was not free, they would pass the ball to him so he could hold it until they got there.

Am I complaining? Sure I am. I am obviously one of the parents who wants to teach my child that when she works for something and achieves it then it is special. She used to competitively swim and has 1 1st place ribbon, she has dozens of other ribbons, but 1 for 1st. You should have seen her face when she won that ribbon. So while my daughter HOPEFULLY is learning to strive to be the best, what about these other children who will learn a very hard lesson when they get out of high school and enter the real world???