Sharper than a two-dollar tack.
Reminds me of Paul Revere's ride, a little light in the belfry.
Just about as sharp as a bowling ball.
If all else fails, read the instructions. If that fails, quit because you're about to get hurt.
Useful as a screen door on a submarine.
Rare as hen's teeth.
So ugly she could make a freight train take a dirt road.
Fell outta the ugly tree and hit every limb on the way down. Then, the tree fell on 'em.
If ugly was a bicycle, he'd be a 10-speed.
Down yonder where the big tree used to be on the right ...
I'm a sheet slitter, I slit sheets. I'm the best sheet slitter that ever slit a sheet.
Do more and more with less and less and one day, you can do everything with nothing.
The harder I try, the behinder I get.
Turn your hat around and make it look like you're on your way back.
Flat out like a lizard drinkin'.
Finer than frog hair.
Rainin' like a cow peein' on a flat rock.
Left-handed waffle turner.
Spare no expense to save money.
Darwin was right.
I could go on for hours. I grew up with this nonsense, so naturally absorbed some of it.