Here are a few gems from Tom Waits -
The piano has been drinking, not me.
I've got my own double cross to bear
A gentleman is someone who can play the accordion, but doesn't.
If you get far enough away you'll be on your way back home.
Champagne for your real friends, real pain for your sham friends.
There is no such thing as nonfiction. There is no such thing as truth. People who really know what happened aren't talking. And the people who don't have a clue, you can't shut them up.