Toss me a joke!

Gravy · May 14, 2010

Today hasn't been one of my happier ones lately. I could use some cheering up. Anybody got a good (non-political) joke?

wdchyd · May 14, 2010

What's the difference between "Outlaws & Inlaws"............the Outlaws are wanted!!!!

Just heard that one today:laughing::laughing::laughing:

wdchyd · May 14, 2010

Two blondes walk into a building............Oh come on one of them should have seen it coming!!!!!!!!:laughing:

rekees4300 · May 14, 2010

A local business was looking for office help. They put a sign in the window, stating the following: HELP WANTED. Must be able to type, must be good with a computer, and must be bilingual. We are an Equal Opportunity Employer. A short time afterward, a beagle trotted up to the window, saw the sign, and went inside. He looked at the receptionist and wagged his tail, then walked over to the sign, looked at it, and whined. Getting the idea, the receptionist got the office manager. The office manager looked at the beagle and was surprised, to say the least. However, the beagle looked determined, so the office manager led him into the office. Inside, the beagle jumped up on the chair and stared at the manager. The manager said, I can't hire you. The sign says you have to be able to type. The beagle jumped down, went to the typewriter, and proceeded to type out a perfect letter. He took out the page and trotted over to the manager and gave it to him, then jumped back on the chair. The manager was stunned, but then told the dog, the sign says you have to be good with a computer. The beagle jumped down again and went to the computer. He proceeded to enter and execute a perfect program that worked flawlessly the first time. By this time the manager was totally dumbfounded! He looked at the dog and said, I realize that you are a very intelligent dog and have some interesting abilities. However, I still can't give you the job. The beagle jumped down and went to a copy of the sign and put his paw on the words Equal Opportunity Employer. The manager said, yes, but the sign also says that you have to be bilingual. The beagle looked at the manager calmly and said, meow.

Wacky · May 14, 2010

Speaking of blondes ..... why do they always jump into the back seat when they get into a car:thumbsup:

Gravy · May 14, 2010

BTW -

I'm a blond.

The jokes are all true.

Gravy · May 14, 2010

rekees4300 said:
A local business was looking for office help. They put a sign in the window, stating the following: HELP WANTED. Must be able to type, must be good with a computer, and must be bilingual. We are an Equal Opportunity Employer. A short time afterward, a beagle trotted up to the window, saw the sign, and went inside. He looked at the receptionist and wagged his tail, then walked over to the sign, looked at it, and whined. Getting the idea, the receptionist got the office manager. The office manager looked at the beagle and was surprised, to say the least. However, the beagle looked determined, so the office manager led him into the office. Inside, the beagle jumped up on the chair and stared at the manager. The manager said, I can't hire you. The sign says you have to be able to type. The beagle jumped down, went to the typewriter, and proceeded to type out a perfect letter. He took out the page and trotted over to the manager and gave it to him, then jumped back on the chair. The manager was stunned, but then told the dog, the sign says you have to be good with a computer. The beagle jumped down again and went to the computer. He proceeded to enter and execute a perfect program that worked flawlessly the first time. By this time the manager was totally dumbfounded! He looked at the dog and said, I realize that you are a very intelligent dog and have some interesting abilities. However, I still can't give you the job. The beagle jumped down and went to a copy of the sign and put his paw on the words Equal Opportunity Employer. The manager said, yes, but the sign also says that you have to be bilingual. The beagle looked at the manager calmly and said, meow.

Too perfect! Dogs & cats made the pain, dogs & cats bring the laughs!

ToolcatWonka5610 · May 14, 2010

Gravy said:
BTW -

I'm a blond.

The jokes are all true.

So am I.

I take offense to all these blond jokes

(Just kidding! I love blond jokes)

Gravy · May 14, 2010

Willy -

I believe you're a blond.

I wouldn't have believed the "offense" part...

Gravy · May 14, 2010

Thanks again friends.

I'm going to bed now. The kitten was the last of several bad things today. Y'all helped me past them all. Bless you all!

HowlingWolf · May 14, 2010

Three groups go hunting in the forest for rabbit. The first group CIA ops come out and say no forest, no rabbit. The second group fire fighters come out and report the forest on fire and the rabbit was a pyromaniac. The third group police officers come out with a bear in handcuffs and a black eye. They say the bear confessed to being a rabbit. :laughing:

RedDirt · May 15, 2010

A priest, a rabbi and a preacher walk into a bar. The bartender looks up and says, "What is this? A joke?"

Who loves you?
Put your spouse and your dog in the trunk of your car and close the lid. Come back in an hour and see who's happy to see you.

Why does a chicken coop have two doors?
If it had four it would be a chicken sedan!

For the blonds,
Why did the blond climb out on the roof?
Someone told her the drinks were on the house.

Taylortractornut · May 16, 2010

Wanna see a joke look at the new sad story my dad hired to work at the landfill we run.

The inlaw joke is so true 2 years married and truer words never spoken about them lol.

smartguyz · May 18, 2010

Science reveals really remarkable things. Why just the other day I heard that if you took all a man's blood vessels out of his body and put them end to end as far as they could reach, you'd kill him.

-Rob

MossRoad · May 18, 2010

Gravy said:
Anybody got a good (non-political) joke?

I bought a tractor with a 3pt hitch! :laughing:

(it is the Power Trac forum

)

CinderSchnauzer · May 18, 2010

A Priest, a Minister and a Rabbi are sitting around one day discussing which of them is best at converting others to their faith. They agree to a competition. Each will go into the forest and attempt to convert a bear.

Later they are comparing notes.

The Priest said he found a bear, had a discussion, sprinkled him with holy water and the bear began saying his catechism.

The Minister said he found a bear, told him about Jesus and the bear came to communion next week.

They then asked the Rabbi how he did?

Well, ...............he said, maybe I shouldn't have started with a circumcision.

brin · May 18, 2010

Things have changed...

When I first started I posted a joke in the country living forum and at the time thought it to be true and not a joke and had a Moderator delte my post and PM'ed me that Jokes were not allowed...I told the Moderator ( he know who he is ) that I would not even smile from now on when I post...So I never smile when I post...