Struggling with loss of a freind

[BTDT]

Alan, sorry to hear of your loss. I just got home from a memorial service that was the best friend of my best friend who passed last year. Both of these guys were close friends of my brother who passed 5 years ago. Lot's of the folks there still talked about all of them, telling stories and laughing at things they had done and said. It was a good feeling knowing that these guys aren't forgotten, and won't be for a good long while. My friends wife also gave me his tools. I had mixed emotions about taking them, but she told me he would have wanted me to have them. Do what you can for the family, notes, dinners, movies, etc. It's an opportunity for them to talk about their loved one to someone who understands and can share with them in their loss. Sometimes it's not easy, there will be tears (of joy and sadness), but that's part of the healing process.

 

[zionview]

Sorry for your loss, Alan. I have tools in my possesion from 2 loved ones, and even if some of them aren't used any more, the fact that they are there reminds me of them, brings back memories. All I have to do is think of either one and it makes me work harder, thinking of all the things we used to build together. I will treasure them always.

 

[AlanB]

Thanks very much for the kind words from all. After thinking hard on it a while, and reading and re-reading the positive comments here, I called and spoke with Laurie some more.

She said the same things had been going through her mind, and that she was certain that Bob would want me to have them.

I went over last night, and went through several boxes, and got some chuckles along the way, when he had started working at the FBO's, I had set him up with all my Sheetmetal tools to get going (for those not in the biz, it represents a huge investment in very specialized tools not commonly used on anything but aviation maintenance)

It was kind of a funny trip down memory lane for me. Thinking about showing him the tools, and teaching about the sheetmetal end (Bob was primarily an engine guy, and an engine instructor, and a Special Ops Flight
simulator guy, but in Civil aviation, you get to be "the" guy.) He also got his IA, crop license etc. It was funny too see some well worn tools that I can remember showing him for the first time, and him saying how he did not ever think he would need that............ Then as he gained more sheetmetal experience, he had went and bought his own as he realized how useful they were.

In the end, I took a couple of tools that I would use often, yet would not get "used up" and need to be replaced. I also did not want to take anything that I thought Laurie could use around the home etc.

Thanks again for all the positive input, and helping me come to terms with what too do.

 

[WALT]

Alan:

I lost my best friend Greg in July to pancreatic cancer at age 53. He lived 2 1/2 years after the original diagnosis. I can't tell you whats worse, the shock of a sudden death, or watching your buddy slowly fade away. We both worked as firefighters on the same F.D. for the last 20 years, and at two other jobs for the previous 10 years. Good friends like that are few & far between.

He stopped working due to his illness in May, and died at the end of July. He never gave up and was still driving to play golf a week before he passed.

In an ironic twist of fate, the towing company that supplies old cars to the F.D.for training arrived at his house the morning he died to pick up his old car he donated. We had spent 10's of thousands of miles traveling the CT. countryside in that car. His family took great comfort in signing farewell messages to him on the car in black marker. My crew was scheduled for extrication training a month later, and his car was saved for us. I had the crew cut off the signed car hood. As a memory to my friend, it now hangs on my basement garage wall. My wife nixed the family room location. As others have stated, keep the tools, you'll smile thinking about your friend every time you use them.

You have my sympathies, sorry for your loss.

WALT

 

[RobertN]

In the end, I took a couple of tools that I would use often, yet would not get "used up" and need to be replaced. I also did not want to take anything that I thought Laurie could use around the home etc.

Alan,
It was not the same situation, but one of the best things I did was make a special tool kit that my wife keeps in the house. They are her tools, not for me or my son to use We have tons of tools in the garage, and she likes to work on things. But with this kit, it is always handy, and right where she knows where everything is.

A friend of our got divorced; her husband had a nice tool set, but took everything with him. I told my wife, we should get our friend a toolkit for Christmas; it was great, because like my wife, she now has her own toolkit, with the stuff she uses frequently. Our friend just loved it; she uses the stuff all the time.

 

[Sigarms]

Since I have known him he always wanted to be a crop duster, and he finally landed his dream job out in ND crop dusting and bending wrenches. He spent a lot of years here paying dues to get it.

Sincere apologies for your loss.

Keep in mind though, you said it, he died doing what he loved to do. So few of us should ever be so lucky (if there is such a thing in a way to die).

I have had numerous friends die before me, and each time I was at a loss, and it reminded me of my own immortality. Remember, in a fraction of a second, we'll all be in that same place where your buddy is now at.

God Bless.