Struggling with loss of a freind

[AlanB]

So in Early July I lost a close friend, Robert Best AKA Kabukie Boy. Since I have known him he always wanted to be a crop duster, and he finally landed his dream job out in ND crop dusting and bending wrenches. He spent a lot of years here paying dues to get it.

As is the nature of the beast, Bob pushed in a little too far, and a little too hard, pulling under some powerlines he clipped the ground with a wing and crashed and burned.

The best that can be said is his daughter is a fine young woman and in college and on her own, and he was literally living his dream when he passed.

Had supper with his widow this evening, helped her with some stuff, pulling the toolbox off his truck, getting it set up for her next trip etc. I was using his aircraft toolbox and she said I should have it, but somehow, I just kept feeling like Kabukie boy would come walking in any moment saying he was sorry for being late.

I am just at a loss, and trying desperately to hold onto the good memories of our times together, while being realistic that he is passed and gone.

Man, this part of life sucks.

 

[MACDABS]

Alan,
Sorry for your loss, treasure the tools ,I know as a wrencher tools are something you hope someone uses when your gone. I have some tools that belonged to my grandfather who I think about everytime I grab them.


Macdabs

 

[Youare]

Alan, I am sorry for your loss. There are no words that can take away the pain of the seperation of this kind. Some of us have been through similar circumstances but we really don't know the extent of your personal loss.

I lost my father when I was 30 and he was 54 and didn't understand why he had to die so young. There is one thing I have learned that nothing can take away the memories you have of your friend. I am sure his wife and daugther are going through tough times too. If his wife wants you to have something for you to remember him by take it, he probably would want you to have it also. This may help her deal with the situation better.

Once again I am sorry for your loss at this time.

Randy

 

[riptides]

Sorry for your loss.

Memories are a great thing - if you choose to look at them positive.

Your friend seems to have been blessed in life. He chose you to carry part of his life forward.

-Mike Z.

 

[EddieWalker]

Alan,

Sorry to hear about your loss. I went through the same thing in 1997 when my best friend drowned in a kayake accident. It was probably the most painful thing I've ever been through, and after ten years, it's still painful.

The hardest part is realizing that you don't have that person to share things with anymore. We spent allot of time hunting together, and it was just part of a normal year to go on trips exploring new areas and searching for new areas. We didn't always get anything, but always had a great time.

Life moves on and you make new friends, but there's no replacing some people. There will always be that hole in your life from you loss. You just do what you feel is right and life your life without regrets.

Eddie

 

[MossRoad]

Alan,
Sorry for your loss. Having worked at a couple of airport fixed base operations for 6 or 7 years out of high school, I met many, many pilots. I also experienced the loss of about half a dozen of them in airplane crashes over the years. What strikes me most about pilots is their fun loving personallities and wonderful outlooks on life. Keep those memories of your friend. It will get better after time.

As for the tools, his wife wants you to have them, so have them. Keep them. Use them. Enjoy them. Take care of them. Keep in touch with his daughter through her mother and if, by chance, she ever has children, offer some of the tools to the children when they are old enough to appreciate them. Then take the time to tell them about their grandpa. They will appreciate it.

I have a few of my dad and granpa's tools, as well as a few other keepsakes from my mom's dad. My sisters keep giving me stuff over the years that belonged to them. I really appreciate that they took the time to save some things for me and tell me a little history about my family.

 

[biggerten]

I am just at a loss, and trying desperately to hold onto the good memories of our times together, while being realistic that he is passed and gone.

Man, this part of life sucks.

I didn't know your friend, but I'm sure he would want you to remember him with a smile.

So, to pay proper respect to your friend, think of a good moment you had, he was your friend so I'm sure there's many, and smile.

It took a little while, but that's how I remember Mom and Dad.

 

[DocHeb]

Sit down and write stories that describe the things about him that made you smile. It doesn't have to be Shakespeare - just write it down. My FIL died last month and for his eulogy I read some quotes from his WWII letters home - everyone cried and laughed at the same time. In the days of electronic bytes that are ephemeral, the written word will be around long after, and his offspring will appreciate it.

 

[rox]

Alan,
Your sadnesscomes through in your post. Others here have ofered you wonderfull advice and i am sory that i really can't add to it other than to say we lost our 38 year old sister in law to stomach cancer 13 years ago and we all still miss here. Every time i see my nephews and nice i think of her.

Your story reminds me of an incident years ago, i was a switchboard operator for the Playboy resort in lake Geneva Wisconsin. This woman kept calling asking if her husband had checked in yet. He was flying in, as i recall everyone at this convention flew in, and she was hysterical because he didn't call her. they had a deal where he always always called her when he arrived. Honeslty I talked to this woman like 10 times. Then I finally called into the convention meeting room and the people were very sketchy with me, even though i explained that this wife was literally ysterical with me on the phone crying and pleading to talk to anyone. They were so sketchy with me and would not want to take any action and would NOT talk with her that finally i called a guy i knew in Security and told him what was going on and asked him to go into the meeting room and insist that someone there talk with the wife who i knew sould be calling back in another 10 to 15 minutes. Security came back and told me that in fact the husband had crashed and had died. So the people knew it inside that meeting but nobody would talk with the wife! The Security man did get someone at the meeting to call the wife, and the next day she called me back and thanked me, she was very sad. I thought that was one of the most cruel things to do to the wife and what a poor way to handle it on thier end. Nobody would talk with this woman, the front desk wouldn't help her since the man ahd not checked in yet! Sad story, I had not thought about that for years. There is jsut so litle room for error when flying a plane.
I also would recomend that you take the tools and use them. I know I would want my husbands things to go to people he loved and cared about. To me it would be an honor if you would take them. It is one less thing for her to worry about and she will get comfort knowing his tools are being used by you.

 

[JerryG]

Sorry to here about your friend Alan.
I lost my best friend about 2 years ago. He had had back surgery and two days later, he told his wife that he was hurting real bad and wanted to go to the ER. She got him in the car, started out and got about 10 miles before he past away. A blood clot got him. That was the hardest death of a friend that I have ever had. It is all that I can do to talk to his wife lots of times and not have tears coming out of both eyes. We had went all through school together and in band together, stayed may nights with each other during those years. We were still very close until his death.
His youngest son thats is now in the ninth grade, saw me at a football game last season. He came up and set by me for the whole game. Something was said about his dad. I could tell he wanted me to talk to him about his dad. It was had, but he hung on ever work that I said. I was glad to let him know what a man his dad was. He is fine young man, his dad would be very proud of him. Him and his brother have been good kids and they haven't given their mother any problems.
Someday your friends daughter may want to know more about her dad. I am sure that you will be there for her.