Retirement thoughts Past Present Future

[Jstpssng]

Why not? When your life is over, it's over. I put my dogs down when they have run their last trail, I see no reason not to provide the same grace to myself.

It’s socially inacceptable. Better to be a carcass, letting “the system” soak suck up everything you spent your life working to build.
Very few people have the nerve. You don’t just go from vibrant to bedridden, usually it’s a slow process.

OTOH, when my father got Alzheimer’s we knew that he wouldn’t survive long in a nursing home. My mother kept him home as long as she could; which was longer than she should have.
He walked in on his own, but within a week never left his bed. After 6 weeks he just stopped eating…

I was at the house the weekend before he went in, and noticed then that he seemed to have trouble swallowing. A couple of years ago I read that is one of the complications of Alzheimer’s. However, I still believe that he just decided it was time to move on…

 

[California]

Mom's dad at 98 had a nice Christmas dinner with his four daughters and several descendants, then died two weeks later. They discovered his unused heart medicine dated back to shortly after the dinner ...

 

[Fuddy1952]

This is so prophetic. Last week my 95 yo Mother was fine, although she's had dementia last couple of years. Her caregiver called this morning and said Mom coughing all night and trouble swallowing. She took her to our family doctor who took her off of all her medications and made an appointment with a specialist. Tuesday I go with her to a cardiologist since they discovered some heart issues.
I just got off the phone with her, she sounded terrible.
Certainly I'm praying for the best but (?).

 

[Jstpssng]

This is so prophetic. Last week my 95 yo Mother was fine, although she's had dementia last couple of years. Her caregiver called this morning and said Mom coughing all night and trouble swallowing. She took her to our family doctor who took her off of all her medications and made an appointment with a specialist. Tuesday I go with her to a cardiologist since they discovered some heart issues.
I just got off the phone with her, she sounded terrible.
Certainly I'm praying for the best but (?).

We’ll pray for the best, with you .

 

[Fuddy1952]

I've been with a few who passed, so odd my Mother-in-law at 97 in a nursing home they called at midnight us to go there. She had alzheimers (dementia) for years. A doctor and minister was there. She was holding on, labored breathing. Finally my wife went over, held her hand and said it's time to go be with Dad. Mom looked at us with clarity saying ok...then "flip"...she was gone.
Doctor verified her heart just stopped beating.

 

[Fuddy1952]

We’ll pray for the best, with you .

Thank you so much

 

[MossRoad]

Wow...that's rough!
I see both sides of it, just hope I go to sleep and don't wake up. I'd hate to think about suicide not just from a Christian standpoint but what that would put on the family.

Yep. It is rough. I was glad I got to talk to my dad about it and follow his wishes at the end. He had rescinded his do not resuscitate order 3-4 times leading up to that. He thought he'd use it when he was old. He was only 76 and his brain was 100%. He did not want to go, so he fought it. Each time his heart stopped, the doctor would have to ask him if he wanted him to rescind it again, explaining that there was zero chance of surviving. That's when we had the suffering dog conversation. He knew I didn't like to see animals suffer. Heck, I take bugs out of the house rather than squish them. But he also knew it was his decision to make. I kinda think he thought if he gave up, he would be committing suicide, and that was against his religious beliefs. So I'm sure that had some factor in his decision to rescind the do not resuscitate order so many times.

As for putting a load on the family, well, in his case, none of us felt that way at all. He was suffering horrible physical pain, plus the mental grief of having to leave a life that he really enjoyed. And he really enjoyed life. His family. His kids. His friends. His hobbies and interests. Nature. So none of us would have been upset if he had decided to end his own life, which he kinda did when he finally said "I've had enough."

 

[Larry Caldwell]

Wow...that's rough!
I see both sides of it, just hope I go to sleep and don't wake up. I'd hate to think about suicide not just from a Christian standpoint but what that would put on the family.

Fear of dying is a Christian thing, because they think it will grease your skids right into hell. My mom was a Christian, and held onto my dad long after he should have gone. The doctors finally drugged him to death. They did the same with my father-in-law. Cancer is an ugly way to go, but if you have an advance directive they won't intubate and you will die of thirst. If you believe in Hell, welcome to it.

My 85 year old mother-in-law actually had to physically restrain a nurse who was going to intubate her husband in violation of his advance directive.

I was in the ICU last year for septic shock, and they didn't know if I was going to make it. They asked me for a DNR and I told them to prop me up. I was not going to go gentle into that good night, but I can see a future where I might make a different decision.

 

[JasperFrank]

"They did the same with my father-in-law. Cancer is an ugly way to go, but if you have an advance directive they won't intubate and you will die of thirst. If you believe in Hell, welcome to it."
Larry, that how my younger brother died. Exploratory surgery said he wouldn't survive his advanced colon cancer so they transitioned him from full anesthesia to heavy morphine, and then basically let him dehydrate to death. This is what happens in States with no "Right to Die Laws."
I think they never should have taken him out of the anesthesia. He had a DNR going in, but no Right to Die in Maryland. Passive voluntary euthanasia is BS.

 

[Jstpssng]

It was 5 years ago this week that my father went into the nursing home. My mother wanted him to spend one last birthday in the house that he grew up in, and which they moved back into after his father passed away. He passed away on Aug 3, 2017. I often wonder what the funeral director thought, as my mother, siblings and I went in to plan the service. We were laughing and joking, not acting at all like a grieving family. We'd already been through that part, watching his mind slowly betray him while he was still in better shape physically than many people much younger than him.