scruffy
Veteran Member
- Joined
- Jul 8, 2000
- Messages
- 1,446
- Tractor
- None (at present)
Prespectives
I live in my own little world, but it's ok, everyone knows me here.
I saw a rather large woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on it. I said, "Thyroid problem?"
I don't do drugs anymore 'cause I find I get the same effect just by standing up really fast.
Sign In Chinese Pet Store: "Buy one dog, get one flea..."
Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
I got a sweater for Christmas... I really wanted a screamer or a moaner.
If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the "terminal"?
I don't approve of political jokes...I've seen too many of them get elected.
The most precious thing we have is life, yet it has absolutely no trade-in value.
There are two sides to every divorce: Yours and sh!thead's.
If life deals you lemons, make lemonade; if it deals you tomatoes, make Bloody Marys.
Shopping tip: You can get shoes for 85 cents at bowling alleys.
I am a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I am perfect.
Everyday I beat my own previous record for number of consecutive days I've stayed alive.
That Claudia Schiffer must be a genius... because I told a friend my plan to attain world peace,
and he told me I have "Schiffer Brains."
No one ever says "It's only a game!" when their team is winning.
Ever notice that people who spend money on beer, cigarettes, and lottery tickets are always complaining about being broke and not feeling well?
How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on.
Isn't having a smoking section in a restaurant like having a peeing section in a swimming pool?
Marriage changes passion...suddenly you're in bed with a relative.
Why is it that most nudists are people you don't want to see naked?
Snowmen fall from Heaven unassembled.
Every time I walk into a singles bar I can hear Mom's wise words:
"Don't pick that up, you don't know where it's been."
I live in my own little world, but it's ok, everyone knows me here.
I saw a rather large woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on it. I said, "Thyroid problem?"
I don't do drugs anymore 'cause I find I get the same effect just by standing up really fast.
Sign In Chinese Pet Store: "Buy one dog, get one flea..."
Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
I got a sweater for Christmas... I really wanted a screamer or a moaner.
If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the "terminal"?
I don't approve of political jokes...I've seen too many of them get elected.
The most precious thing we have is life, yet it has absolutely no trade-in value.
There are two sides to every divorce: Yours and sh!thead's.
If life deals you lemons, make lemonade; if it deals you tomatoes, make Bloody Marys.
Shopping tip: You can get shoes for 85 cents at bowling alleys.
I am a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I am perfect.
Everyday I beat my own previous record for number of consecutive days I've stayed alive.
That Claudia Schiffer must be a genius... because I told a friend my plan to attain world peace,
and he told me I have "Schiffer Brains."
No one ever says "It's only a game!" when their team is winning.
Ever notice that people who spend money on beer, cigarettes, and lottery tickets are always complaining about being broke and not feeling well?
How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on.
Isn't having a smoking section in a restaurant like having a peeing section in a swimming pool?
Marriage changes passion...suddenly you're in bed with a relative.
Why is it that most nudists are people you don't want to see naked?
Snowmen fall from Heaven unassembled.
Every time I walk into a singles bar I can hear Mom's wise words:
"Don't pick that up, you don't know where it's been."
