My son died 19 yrs. ago

[wjoerob]

My firstborn, then 7, was killed when a van hit him in 1988. This is the first year I haven't mourned on that day, because I was mourning my mom's birthday on the 17th. She died of pancreatic cancer in July, after a long, nasty struggle, living several months with us. Dad died in 2001.

I've been wondering a lot about how my son would have liked our new place, 20 acres with woods, pasture, pond, creek. And it may sound morbid, but I've been thinking at age 27, hew would have really enjoyed playing around with my Kubota tractor like I do.

I don't know if it really hurts any more, it's just like a big dry empty hole in my heart.

 

[MikePA]

My mom and dad, as well as an older sister (the most recent) have passed away. My experience is it doesn't go away, the pain just gets a little duller with each passing year, but there are still times when it hits me. The worst are the dreams where they are still alive, then I wake up.....

A good book to read is 'A Death Observed' by C S Lewis. Even though it's about his wife passing away, it still helped a lot. I give a copy to people when they experience the death of a loved one.

 

[TC29-dude]

I don't think stuff like that ever goes away. My dad lost my 25 year old brother Dec 26th of last year. That day was also the same day my brother's wife gave birth to his son. Christmas will be hard this year.

At my brother's funeral at least 5-6 men came by and told my dad about when they lost their sons...in some cases as long as 20 or 30 years back...according to them, you never get over it. My dad is 67 and you can tell it really took a toll on him.

I will say a prayer for you and your loss. A son is a man's greatest joy in my book, of course daughters aren't bad either! It's gotta be hard but don't let the what if's drag you down.

 

[Farmwithjunk]

Both my parents have passed away. The Viet Nam war took my best friend from my youth. Drinking took my best friend from my adult years. The reasons don't matter as much as the effect. Time allows you to adjust. Time allows you to get used to their not being around. But you don't ever "get over it". And by my way of thinking, that's a good thing. Try to be happy that you had people in your life that you cared enough about to miss them for the rest of your days. Not everyone has that. It sounds perfectly natural to imagine how your son would have turned out. I'd say he'd have been just fine. He had one big advantage. A father who obviously cared a lot.

 

[ToadHill]

My grandfather always said the worst thing that can happen to a man is to outlive his children. He outlived 2 of his.

 

[JDGREEN4ME]

My firstborn, then 7, was killed when a van hit him in 1988. This is the first year I haven't mourned on that day, because I was mourning my mom's birthday on the 17th. She died of pancreatic cancer in July, after a long, nasty struggle, living several months with us. Dad died in 2001.

I've been wondering a lot about how my son would have liked our new place, 20 acres with woods, pasture, pond, creek. And it may sound morbid, but I've been thinking at age 27, hew would have really enjoyed playing around with my Kubota tractor like I do.

I don't know if it really hurts any more, it's just like a big dry empty hole in my heart.

Its not morbid...I often wonder if our child had survived what they would be doing and what they would think about the land we bought on Seneca Lake etc. Guessing I won't stop wondering until the day I die.

 

[cmhyland]

I think our loved ones are always around us..

When your out tractoring around the place its ok to talk to your son... speak to him as the 27 year old man he would be...

We won't tell, and maybe you'll see some sign that he's getting the message...

I speak to dead realtives all the time.... I've never gotten a sign but it makes me feel better anyway.

Regards,
Chris

 

[Kendall69]

I've been wondering a lot about how my son would have liked our new place, 20 acres with woods, pasture, pond, creek.

Wonder no more, your son knows because he's with you on your tractor every time you are - that's my belief.

My Mom just passed last week, and when I saw my brother and sister at the funeral I was actually elated that my Mom had passed, with a strange happiness and peace that I have not had about her in years.

I know she is FAR better off where she is today, rather than suffering like she did here in so may ways.

My brother didn't get it when he didn't see me shed a tear, nor did my sister, but that's OK, I'm sure many won't, but inside it felt great knowing she is a peace, has no more worries, no pain, no confusion etc.

The pain of losing a Son or Daughter, can never be communicated to someone who has not lost one, but TODAY your Son is alive, he is alive here.
If you keep your child's spirit alive, then he is alive in your mind and heart, no one can make that go away.

Tonight I will pray for my Mom, and add a little side prayer for your Son.

 

[gotcha]

Our prayers are with your family and friends.

I'm so terribly sorry for the sending the wrong picture and I could not figure out how to delete it.

Edited by Bird after removing the post with the wrong picture.

 

[Kendall69]

..I've never gotten a sign but it makes me feel better anyway

cmhyland, Now that you mentioned this. I have an ole Navajo Indian friend, who is deep into traditional Indian believes - medicine men and all.

When my Dad died a few years ago we started talking about death, and signs. He indicated that I would receive a sign telling me that my Dad was fine, in the form of "light" Hmmm OK.

Shortly after that conversation, sure enough I was sitting at the dining room table and the chandelier started going on and off as if someone was turning the switch on and off. Strange thing was the switch to the light was on a dimmer, so the only way to get it off and on was to fade it on and fade it off, yet this light was now ALL on then ALL off. I called my wife showed her, told her of the story my Indian friend conveyed to me, and it stopped.

Doo do Doo do doo do doo do ( theme song from the twilight zone)