Kids and Cell Phones

Bikewanderer · Sep 6, 2019

My wife and I are on the same page here with this issue. We have fie kids, aged 6-14. I have no plans to buy them a cell, have always thought that it stunts their growth at an early age because it makes things too easy for them to figure out on their own (we are not helicopter parents). I also do not approve of group texts and the bullying and image issues that come from these group snapchats and the like.

So....now that my oldest is 14 I am realizing that my kids are the only kids at school without cell phones. This wouldn't be an issue, except it is beginning to seem like a prerequisite for doing activities. The assumption is that all kids have cell phones and can call parents to pick them up when they are ready to go. This is a problem because they can't seem to be ready at the same time every day. I'm not sure when this changed, but it seems every practice is just over whenever the coach feels like it should be over, and we have no ability to predict anything. It's been horribly disruptive, and I haven't been traveling for work yet since school started. I'm not even sure what we will do afterwards. My daughters practice is supposed to be over at six. The coach even told me it was pretty consistent....hasn't been that time one day this week. 4:30 yesterday but she was done at 4:10, 4PM today changed from 5PM. I can't figure out how other people are doing this, I work from home 50% of the time.

Sometimes it's the same problem, they get kept late with no notice. I'm sitting in the car in the parking lot and they get out 30-45 minutes late. I've had to go get her and make her leave practice because her ride needed to be somewhere else and we already made plans.

I've talked to other parents and it seems I'm the only one with this issue. Have you guys had the same issue with kids?

Sigarms · Sep 6, 2019

Good luck Charlie.

Both my boys are 14. We got them cells phones when they both turned 14. Personally, worst thing I think we've done was get them a "smart phone" and not a flip phone. Your boys will know more about cell phones after they have them for a week than you will ever know about them.

Heck, these kids get dummy cell phones that they can use and you may not even know about it. Found out about that when I ended up destroying one (the boy who owned it didnt want his parents to know I had it because I was going to return it to the school where the parents could pick it up). My boy didn't tell me whose phone it was, so it got destroyed.

Roadworthy · Sep 6, 2019

If practice is supposed to end at 5:00 pick the kid up at 5:00. There's no reason you should be penalized because the coach can't plan. The coach will figure it out eventually. Is the coach's time so much more valuable than yours that you can cool your heels for a half hour or better because plans changed with no notice? Who's the parent here? My girl didn't get a cell phone until she was in high school and she still doesn't have data - just talk and text.

buckeyefarmer · Sep 6, 2019

Mine got their first cell phone either late HS or college. They survived HS fine, even with sports.

Big Barn · Sep 6, 2019

Your kids will be the way you brought them up to be by leading by example.

The smart phone can be a very useful tool with proper instruction and guidance. Not having a smart phone isn’t going to protect your child from the evils of the world.

Bikewanderer · Sep 6, 2019

I’m not really thinking about trying to keep them from danger as much as I want them to work through the process of solving their own needs without using technology or depending on parents to do it for them.

Steppenwolfe · Sep 6, 2019

dirtyoldman said:
My wife and I are on the same page here with this issue. We have fie kids, aged 6-14. I have no plans to buy them a cell, have always thought that it stunts their growth at an early age because it makes things too easy for them to figure out on their own (we are not helicopter parents). I also do not approve of group texts and the bullying and image issues that come from these group snapchats and the like.

So....now that my oldest is 14 I am realizing that my kids are the only kids at school without cell phones. This wouldn't be an issue, except it is beginning to seem like a prerequisite for doing activities. The assumption is that all kids have cell phones and can call parents to pick them up when they are ready to go. This is a problem because they can't seem to be ready at the same time every day. I'm not sure when this changed, but it seems every practice is just over whenever the coach feels like it should be over, and we have no ability to predict anything. It's been horribly disruptive, and I haven't been traveling for work yet since school started. I'm not even sure what we will do afterwards. My daughters practice is supposed to be over at six. The coach even told me it was pretty consistent....hasn't been that time one day this week. 4:30 yesterday but she was done at 4:10, 4PM today changed from 5PM. I can't figure out how other people are doing this, I work from home 50% of the time.

Sometimes it's the same problem, they get kept late with no notice. I'm sitting in the car in the parking lot and they get out 30-45 minutes late. I've had to go get her and make her leave practice because her ride needed to be somewhere else and we already made plans.

I've talked to other parents and it seems I'm the only one with this issue. Have you guys had the same issue with kids?

It's a new world... Surrender and move on if you want to keep your sanity.

atsah · Sep 6, 2019

That's a tough one.. I don't have kids but if I did I wouldn't want them to live on thing like I see most other kids doing.. There has to be a way to make them use it for certain things, texting and texting pictures all day and facebooking, twittering, it's insane IMO.. I'm glad I grew up in a time when there was none that's all I can say..

I have an Iphone that I use for making phone calls and a text now and again, that's about it, it's not attached to my hand all day like it is other people that just have to tell everyone what they are doing every waking moment of everyday..

hawkeye08 · Sep 6, 2019

Tough choice regarding cell phones, but regarding practice times, follow the schedule, have a chat with coach.

Bikewanderer · Sep 7, 2019

I already have. I’m not really sure what the deal is here. Maybe parents have been going to coaches for years with all kinds of criticisms and they have learned to just shed these things off and continue. Maybe I’m reading too much into it, but it’s like all the coaches think they are training elite athletes and that extra half hour of practice is the difference in winning the PGA tour. I don’t mean to minimize what they are doing, and I’ve never coached in my life, but if that half hour is that important build it into the schedule! I know when I was in high school practices were done at a defined time every day. Nobody could just call parents and tell them they are ready to be picked up, a habit I really resent. I live all day a slave to my cell phone and now I need to sit there and wait for it to ring. I know she’ll be driving in a year or two, maybe I just need to suck it up and deal with it for a little while.

3930dave · Sep 7, 2019

Modern tech has messed up a lot of "social" interactions, I'm with you there. Avoiding it can have consequences too. If most of the other local parents aren't having the same issue, they've either succumbed to the dark-side, or you have a coach that is deficient at scheduling.

As I've gotten older, I find that I have even less time/energy available to try and convince people to act appropriately. IF I was going to talk to that coach, I'd probably lead with a question like "How would you handle a kid that is often late for Practice", and joust from there....

I've always been drawn to minimalist hardware, that does one or two things well. What caught my eye a while ago, is Garmin's In Reach line.

As a gps, I prefer Garmin's platform to "free" Google Maps. What In Reach adds is texting, running off the Iridium satellite network. Out in left-field for many people, but for outdoor-oriented folk it's a lower cost/more portable version of a Sat phone. Looks like they send co-ordinates with every text message - great for the intended market, might not sell well to teenagers though :laughing:.

Rgds, D.

kcflhrc · Sep 7, 2019

Why in the world wouldn't you want your children to use and embrace technology? In my business if you did that you would be in the bread lines.

joefromga · Sep 7, 2019

Your kids coaches are irresponsible. You can fix that by picking up the kids when the practice is stated to end. No exceptions. Are you the parent or is the coach? Simple.

With phones you can allow kids to have a phone at 13 or 14. There are all sorts of apps and controls that allow you to dictate what they can see and websites they can access and times when phones are active. All the carriers have these plus there are other parent apps.

Establish rules when they first get the phone. Times, amount of usage, and what they aren't allowed to do. The first rule is when you say give me your phone they hand it over. That will keep most of their stuff pretty clean.

Sadly **** is rampant on phones and if you have girls there will be boys doing whatever they can to get them to send photos. Your rules need to state no photos of certain nature ever, no exceptions. If you have boys they will eventually find the inevitable sites but mostly you can limit that stuff but physically checking their phones for the sites and photos is the best way. Once they're 16+ just forget it.

Also check for hidden photo apps. Great for adults who wants secret pics of their spouses but not for kids. I think you can even restrict access to downloading apps where they need permissions from you each time they try to install something.

GPS apps are great too. You don't need to pay for the carriers apps, there are plenty you can get and the "rule" is if the kids turn off GPS access, don't answer immediately, or call you when told, they lose their phone. The GPS locator apps allow you to always know where the kid is at any time and their history. As kids get older you may not worry so much but 14 is still quite vulnerable.

Your kid will accept the rules and their friends also have rules too and they know that they are limited.

Kids who have phones are addicted to them and they will follow rules to keep them.

I wish carriers would develop better kid proof OS for phones. They could make even more money.

oosik · Sep 7, 2019

My son got his first cell phone when HE could afford the monthly bill. I got all the way thru my Masters Degree in college without a cell phone.

I see parents buying Apple iPhone XR for their kindergarten kids. It's so - "the kids can call us in an emergency". A kindergarten kid carrying around a cell phone that can cost up to $900 is an "emergency" in the making.

Don't parents understand what easy pickings a kindergarten kid and his uber expensive cell phone is.

Keeping up with the Jones's is such an old tired saw............

RNeumann · Sep 7, 2019

It’s ironic that the OP is posting on the internet for suggestions about limiting kid’s internet availability. I’m sure parents were having similar discussions with regards to cars about 100 years ago.

In matters of style, swim with the current. We in matters of principle stand like a rock.

If this is a matter of principle you and your wife need to define what the issue is. Is it simply the device or the device use? If it’s the use then your goal would be to teach and guide how to use the phone.....with limitations. As an example. 6 months of phone and simple text only (your carrier can set the phone up this way). Then maybe increase features and access as they demonstrate responsibility. If you want to limit the time on the phone on hours when they are on the phone you can set that up too.

If this is a matter of principle then I would see two things. One, you and your wife would also give up the devices. “Children, we as a family believe that cell phones cause far more harm than do good and we don’t use them”. Or you provide a clear path that everyone lives by. “Children, at age 14, when you demonstrate responsibility by going X,Y and Z We will get you a phone. You will need to earn the funds to keep the phone service current etc, etc. We will have anytime access to the phone and if we find X, Y or Z on the phone we will take the phone away.”

Much like cars of 100 years ago, the phone has become a near need. A lot of jobs require it and it has become a social norm. But with its tremendous power comes tremendous responsibility. It’s your job to coach the kids through this.....cuz in a few hours it’s happening, without limits or rules, ready or not!

atsah · Sep 7, 2019

joefromga said:
Your kids coaches are irresponsible. You can fix that by picking up the kids when the practice is stated to end. No exceptions. Are you the parent or is the coach? Simple.

With phones you can allow kids to have a phone at 13 or 14. There are all sorts of apps and controls that allow you to dictate what they can see and websites they can access and times when phones are active. All the carriers have these plus there are other parent apps.

Establish rules when they first get the phone. Times, amount of usage, and what they aren't allowed to do. The first rule is when you say give me your phone they hand it over. That will keep most of their stuff pretty clean.

Sadly **** is rampant on phones and if you have girls there will be boys doing whatever they can to get them to send photos. Your rules need to state no photos of certain nature ever, no exceptions. If you have boys they will eventually find the inevitable sites but mostly you can limit that stuff but physically checking their phones for the sites and photos is the best way. Once they're 16+ just forget it.

Also check for hidden photo apps. Great for adults who wants secret pics of their spouses but not for kids. I think you can even restrict access to downloading apps where they need permissions from you each time they try to install something.

GPS apps are great too. You don't need to pay for the carriers apps, there are plenty you can get and the "rule" is if the kids turn off GPS access, don't answer immediately, or call you when told, they lose their phone. The GPS locator apps allow you to always know where the kid is at any time and their history. As kids get older you may not worry so much but 14 is still quite vulnerable.

Your kid will accept the rules and their friends also have rules too and they know that they are limited.

Kids who have phones are addicted to them and they will follow rules to keep them.

I wish carriers would develop better kid proof OS for phones. They could make even more money.

Good post, I didn't know any of that..

Steppenwolfe · Sep 7, 2019

kcflhrc said:
Why in the world wouldn't you want your children to use and embrace technology? In my business if you did that you would be in the bread lines.

Amen... As a business owner my smart phone is worth real money. My office can now go with me anywhere, and frees up my life to do other things. I have literally been out on my tractor, roll into the shade, check emails, make calls, sign a contract, and close a deal. I firmly believe my smart phone allows me to be as successful as I am. At 61 I spent most of my life without one... I would never chose to go backwards.

Big Barn · Sep 7, 2019

kcflhrc said:
Why in the world wouldn't you want your children to use and embrace technology?

My thoughts, also.

2LaneCruzer · Sep 7, 2019

My brother got his grand daughter a cell phone a while back, and he told me the first bill on her phone was $700. I don't know any details, but knowing the brat she is I wouldn't doubt it. He wasn't normally that stupid either.