How to spend your legacy?

[2manyrocks]

A good number of trust beneficiaries either secretly or openly resent "their money" being held by a trustee to be administered and distributed according to the terms of the trust instead of them having free rein to spend however much they want on whatever they want whenever they want.

1. It's not their money. The money came from the creator of the trust. 2. Being the creator's money, the creator was free to spend it however the creator saw fit even to the point of spending it all on themselves or their dogs or their cats. 3. Instead of being resentful, perhaps the beneficiaries should be grateful that the creator went to the trouble to set up a trust for them.

 

[MossRoad]

A good number of trust beneficiaries either secretly or openly resent "their money" being held by a trustee to be administered and distributed according to the terms of the trust instead of them having free rein to spend however much they want on whatever they want whenever they want.

1. It's not their money. The money came from the creator of the trust. 2. Being the creator's money, the creator was free to spend it however the creator saw fit even to the point of spending it all on themselves or their dogs or their cats. 3. Instead of being resentful, perhaps the beneficiaries should be grateful that the creator went to the trouble to set up a trust for them.

You have to graduate from college or you don't get the money.
You have to hold a job for 5 years or you don't get the money.
You have to get married in the (insert religion of choice here) church or you don't get the money.
Boxers or briefs or you don't get the money.

What do you care? You're dead, and they're going to despise your memory even more if you make them jump through hoops. You can't take it with you, so make them wait for it after you croak?

I can understand if they're juveniles, or mentally unstable. But once they're adults, let them be adults and make their own choices.

 

[2manyrocks]

If the family farm or family business is at stake, you don't entrust it outright to a 18-__ year old whose life experience has not prepared them to handle the responsibility of ownership. One way to certain failure is to put someone in a position they aren't yet ready to handle.

 

[ovrszd]

Since my brothers passing, and again from what I've read on this thread, my wife and I have had several conversations about who we want to pass our stuff on to when we are gone. All of her kids have failed to pay back money that they have borrowed. All of them received "free" money from Covid that they blew on video games, snacks, clothes and plastic collectables from favorite cartoons and TV shows. It's really heartbreaking to know that if we give them anything, it will be wasted just as fast as they can spend it.

They are all in their 30's now, with no evidence that they have matured or become responsible. One is trying to play the game to some degree, but when my wife was in the hospital for 30 days fighting colon cancer, he never came to visit her. The only one of her kids that did visit her only did so because he works in the hospital and we had a complaint that he came to deal with. In 30 days, he saw her just that one time.

I heard on the news that Psychologist's are now saying that a person doesn't mature until they are 37 years old. The main reason for this is Social Media and Video Games. For whatever reason, young people today are more focused on make believe then dealing with reality, and it's taking them a lot longer to grow up. From what I've seen of those around me, I think that they may be right.

One thing that we're discussing is having all of our assets sold, with some money to make it worthwhile going to the executor. Make it based on a percentage of everything sold to encourage the effort is put into getting as much as possible. Then dividing it up with the grand kids when they get a Masters or maybe wait until one of them gets a PhD. Karen was in her 50's when she got her PhD, and waiting that long might make them more responsible with it. Dangle that carrot in front of them, and hope that by the time it happens, they are mature enough not to waste it.

But I'm also leaning toward giving it all to the Akita Club, like I mentioned earlier in my comments. I know that the money will go towards rescuing Akita's, and I really like dogs a lot more then people.

I hurt reading this Eddie.

How the Hell did our society get to this point? Where did we go wrong? We must take some responsibility for it. But I'll be damned if I know how it happened.

You are one of the most stand up guys on this forum Eddie. The kids sure can't say they didn't have an example to follow.

 

[ovrszd]

I have worked very hard to instill loyalty into my Sons. I have worked very hard to instill a value to the family farm. My Dad bought this farm in 1948. I am Blessed to be able to buy it and live on it. I don't think my Sons will ever sell it. Beyond that I don't have much affect. That's on my Sons.

We are genetically destined to be who we are. Our parents can influence that slightly. But the road map was determined when we were conceived.

I am one of three siblings.

My Sister is the oldest. She's a great woman. Loyal to her family. No loyalty to the farm at all.

My Brother was 3 years older than I. No loyalty to anything that didn't make him money. Was extremely hard on the family farm, running it in the ground. No loyalty to Mom or Dad. Tried to swindle me off the farm. At the last moment I realized what was going on and stood my ground. I was able to buy the farm. I am loyal to this farm to my dying breath. As is my wife.

How could it be that three siblings could be so different? Raised by the same parents in the same house.....

 

[Fuddyduddy1952]

I always thought with life there's never a balance.
Life changes the day you buy your first car. One day you're living at home not a care in the world. You get your learner's permit then a few months later driver's license. You can't wait to buy a car. So you get a job, save money, then buy a car. That day life is never the same. Maintenance, insurance, taxes, gas, oil, tires, etc. You drive to work making money to pay for the car you drive to work in.
Before the car you have loads of energy, lots of time...but no money.
After the car lots of energy but no time and no money.
Then marry, house, cars, working. Still have energy but no time...some money.
Finally you retire! Now it's like being a kid again, lots of time and money...but no energy.
We have everything we need and want, nothing expensive would bring happiness.
My wife and I have estate planning, each are each other's POA and sole beneficiary, POD.
What happens if we both die? No kids, family and friends our age or older. I do have a nephew we like, 41, and recently said we would leave him everything which he said was an honor. I said we would write down (notarized, legal) forms outlining what our wishes are and he said he would make sure it's carried out, we trust him 100%.
The most difficult thing already mentioned are charities. We are animal lovers and my kind hearted wife lobbies for different ones and makes donations...but she skipped a monthly donation to a horse rescue and the "lady(?!?)" owner calls my wife cursing her out!
Bottom line, and sorry for such a long reply...but it's a very difficult task. The last thing anyone should do is not have a will and like my father in law told my wife years ago..."I'm putting our home and all of our assets in your name. In WWII I landed at Normandy Beach, almost froze to death in Battle of the Bulge, walked to Berlin, served my country and if I have to pile everything I own in the street and burn it I'll do that before the government gets it".

 

[tallyho8]

My point about leaving money to one man in charge is that man over time can be replaced, and that new person may not have the same views as yourself what should be done with money donated to them. You leave money to the sheriffs office, new guy gets in, how do you know that new man will honor your wishes?

The sheriff's office has a special fund dedicated to helping deputies who are killed or severely injured in the line of duty. Somebody has to be in charge of picking who that person (s) will be. I rather it be the elected sheriff than someone who is just placed in that position by someone else. It would be a very risky move for the sheriff to try to defraud this fund. And I have been very content with the sheriffs we have had for the last 40 years or so.

 

[Sigarms]

The sheriff's office has a special fund dedicated to helping deputies who are killed or severely injured in the line of duty. Somebody has to be in charge of picking who that person (s) will be. I rather it be the elected sheriff than someone who is just placed in that position by someone else. It would be a very risky move for the sheriff to try to defraud this fund. And I have been very content with the sheriffs we have had for the last 40 years or so.

That's where where you live may matter.

I found out pretty quickly after I had to get personally involved with our last local Sheriff (who had been in office for 14 or so years) is a man not of his word, when he told me he'd be dealing personally with me on a issue.

 

[Sigarms]

What do you care? You're dead, and they're going to despise your memory even more if you make them jump through hoops. You can't take it with you, so make them wait for it after you croak?

My wife is the executor of her mothers will.

My wife only has one sister. Sister married a man after being divorced and myself, my wife and my wife's parents (FIL was alive at the time) told her not to marry the guy, or at least give the relationship more time. Wife's sister did not adhere to anyones advice, and believe me, we've helped them financially because the guy is a bum (really hope they don't frequent this board LMAO).

If MIL passes away unexpectedly, wife's sister will get a stipend over time. The fear is one lump sum, and any money given will be pissed away.

How can you be broke and decide to buy a car made in England and trade in the Honda that your family basically bought for you? Wife's sister gives too much power to the bum to make decisions for their family IMO).

Remember when I said I didn't want to piss my fathers money away? It's my dad's money, not my money. My FIL worked as a power lineman for 30 years and invested in his 401K, so his wife could be taken care of if he wasn't around (he's not around now, and his planning has helped take care of my MIL). My FIL in my mind is no different than my own father. They didn't save that money to be pissed away IMO.

 

[ovrszd]

I always thought with life there's never a balance.
Life changes the day you buy your first car. One day you're living at home not a care in the world. You get your learner's permit then a few months later driver's license. You can't wait to buy a car. So you get a job, save money, then buy a car. That day life is never the same. Maintenance, insurance, taxes, gas, oil, tires, etc. You drive to work making money to pay for the car you drive to work in.
Before the car you have loads of energy, lots of time...but no money.
After the car lots of energy but no time and no money.
Then marry, house, cars, working. Still have energy but no time...some money.
Finally you retire! Now it's like being a kid again, lots of time and money...but no energy.
We have everything we need and want, nothing expensive would bring happiness.
My wife and I have estate planning, each are each other's POA and sole beneficiary, POD.
What happens if we both die? No kids, family and friends our age or older. I do have a nephew we like, 41, and recently said we would leave him everything which he said was an honor. I said we would write down (notarized, legal) forms outlining what our wishes are and he said he would make sure it's carried out, we trust him 100%.
The most difficult thing already mentioned are charities. We are animal lovers and my kind hearted wife lobbies for different ones and makes donations...but she skipped a monthly donation to a horse rescue and the "lady(?!?)" owner calls my wife cursing her out!
Bottom line, and sorry for such a long reply...but it's a very difficult task. The last thing anyone should do is not have a will and like my father in law told my wife years ago..."I'm putting our home and all of our assets in your name. In WWII I landed at Normandy Beach, almost froze to death in Battle of the Bulge, walked to Berlin, served my country and if I have to pile everything I own in the street and burn it I'll do that before the government gets it".

Excellent long reply.