Growing Old With Dignity

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/ Growing Old With Dignity #181  
The truth is often a sad statement.

The truth is that too many of us will suffer excruciatingly in hopes of getting somewhere that will not meet the image portrayed in propaganda.

So, if I follow the scriptural guidance the best I can and be a better person in the process and it turns out to all be deception, what did I lose?

Seems you are very apprehensive about death. As you should be.
 
/ Growing Old With Dignity #184  
My father passed away 22 months ago. He was lucid until the day he started shutting down. He was at home and in failing health the last 5 years or so but soldered on with Mom's help.

When he passed away he was in the hospital for 5 days. EMS rushed him in on a Thursday afternoon. As power of attorney it was my decision whether to allow the hospital to try and save him. He had a similar situation a year ago and made it. He was still in his right mind and wanted to fight until the end. The doctor looked at me and I told him to go ahead.

He hung on until Monday night. I was sitting with him when he started shutting down. That morning when the family arrived we decided to send him to a room in the hospital to die.

He died that afternoon peacefully.

It's not an easy decision. Unless you have faced it you don't know. I am facing moving my mother in with me now. My only concern is her health and well being.

I have told my wife that if I am incapacitated to put me in a facility.

I don't judge the actions of others. Do what you think is right at the time, prepare, and do the best you can.
 
/ Growing Old With Dignity #185  
Why should tax payers be on the hook for people who could have afforded their own nursing home expense or at least contributed toward it, but through extate planning, gave away their accumulated assets before hand? Perhaps long term care insurance should be mandatory just like Social Security.

Interesting and important (in my opinion) comment...

(preface, I'm not an attorney and not an expert on this stuff)

I was once told by someone that the State of TN has a law on the books that says essentially "if your parent goes into long term care and is on the states dime, the state can sue YOU the CHILD for those funds. If your parent TRIED to get long term care insurance and was rejected.... maybe you won't be sued but if they went into it "we'll let the state pay for it" which means your next door neighbor, then the state might come after you.

I'm sure there's more to it but here's what I found on a quick google search:



Filial Laws

Northwestern Mutual BrandVoice: Who Will Pay For Mom's Or Dad's Nursing Home Bill? Filial Support Laws And Long-Term Care


Who Will Pay For Mom's Or Dad's Nursing Home Bill? Filial Support Laws And Long-Term Care
Northwestern Mutual
Northwestern Mutual
BRANDVOICE



Imagine this: One day youæ±*e sifting through your mail. In the pile of letters, bills and junk mail, you find a letter from a law firm informing you that you need to pay $50,000 to cover the cost of your fatherç—´ recent nursing home stay, or the care facility will sue you.

While this may seem farfetched, depending on your parents state of residence, this could be a possibility.

If your parents live in one of 29 states or Puerto Rico that has filial responsibility laws on the books, you could potentially be held legally responsible for their care under certain circumstances, such as when your parents are ailing and without sufficient financial resources to take care of themselves. Until recently, these statutes have been largely ignored. However, several recent court decisions indicate that there might be renewed interest in enforcing them.

Who Will Pay For Mom's Or Dad's Nursing Home Bill?

States Currently with Filial Responsibility Laws

Alaska Kentucky New Jersey Tennessee
Arkansas Louisiana North Carolina Utah
California Maryland North Dakota Vermont
Connecticut Massachusetts Ohio Virginia
Delaware Mississippi Oregon West Virginia
Georgia Montana Pennsylvania
Indiana Nevada Rhode Island Puerto Rico
Iowa New Hampshire South Dakota
Filial support laws aren稚 new. In fact, they were initially derived from England痴 16th century 撤oor Laws. At one time, as many as 45 U.S. states had statutes obligating an adult child to care for his or her parents. Some states repealed their filial support laws after Medicaid took a greater role in providing relief to elderly patients without means. Other states did not, and a large number of filial support laws remain dormant on the books.

Now, with long-term care costs on the rise and funding sources under pressure, nursing homes and other health care providers may have increasing incentive to seek to use the courts to compel children to either help a parent financially or be at risk for covering the cost of his or her care.

In the last decade or so, a few court decisions in both South Dakota and Pennsylvania have opened the door to using filial support statutes to recover medical expenses. Underlying the earlier decisions was generally a finding of ç*¥nclean handsè¿«that the children had engaged in fraudulent conduct or had illegally transferred mom and dadç—´ assets. Recently, however, there has been at least one court decision that found a child responsible for his motherç—´ nursing home bill without any evidence of wrongdoing on the part of the child.
 
/ Growing Old With Dignity #189  
This thread is mixing some very volatile topics... politics, religion, and emotions pertaining to death... lets be careful, this is a friendly reminder to keep it civil, keep an open mind, and have a constructive conversation. We each have our own way of dealing with death, greef, fear of death, inclination to preserve and/or prolong life...

This thread is helpful for me, in dealing with the recent death of my father. Be a shame to get it shut down due to close-minded 'my way is the only right way' banter.

Carry on... every opinion is valid.
 
/ Growing Old With Dignity #190  
Saw on the news the other day, a guy had a steel rod go all the way through his head, he is recovering..

Just saw a program, not sure if it was on YouTube or not, where the guy who would become Henry the Vth took an arrow in the face during battle. He was lucky in that the arrow missed the spinal column, the brain, and blood vessels. The arrow went from his face at a downward angle into the lower back of his skull. The arrow head was narrow and made to pierce armor. They were able to remove the arrow shaft but not the head. The doctor had a black smith make a tool that was inserted through the wound and into the base of the arrow head. The tool had a screw device that opened up to "grasp" the inside of the arrow head. The doc was able to wiggle the arrow head loose from the back of the skull and pull it from the man who would be king.

The doc used various sized "sticks" that were wrapped in clean linen and then coated with honey to open up the wound so they could insert the tool. Honey has been used as an antiseptic for thousands of years. After the arrow head was removed, they poured in alcohol to clean the wound. This was in the early 1400s.

The man who would be king, survived and became king.

Later,
Dan
 
/ Growing Old With Dignity #191  
For those without kids I would imagine there is less left to chance as the prospect of the kids coming together or one of them just isn't there.

My attempt at estate planning but didn't get very far as far is distributing assets...

It is most definitely a concern but those without planning leave it to the laws of the State by default...

I wanted to set up something for the nieces and nephew... all great kids... but the parents said it was a terrible idea... saying the last thing someone needs is thinking they don't need to work to achieve and that is the fear they expressed.

On a closer to home front... I see it with Mom as I am her sole caregiver... she is and continues to be very frugal but Alzheimer's takes a toll... the body is healthy but the mind is lost.
 
/ Growing Old With Dignity #192  
Don't tell anyone if you leave something to them. After you die is when they find out, better that way.
 
/ Growing Old With Dignity #194  
For those without kids I would imagine there is less left to chance as the prospect of the kids coming together or one of them just isn't there.

My attempt at estate planning but didn't get very far as far is distributing assets...

It is most definitely a concern but those without planning leave it to the laws of the State by default...

I wanted to set up something for the nieces and nephew... all great kids... but the parents said it was a terrible idea... saying the last thing someone needs is thinking they don't need to work to achieve and that is the fear they expressed.

On a closer to home front... I see it with Mom as I am her sole caregiver... she is and continues to be very frugal but Alzheimer's takes a toll... the body is healthy but the mind is lost.

If we didn't have kids, everything would of went to a local animal shelter. As is, the animal shelter will still get some proceeds if there is anything left.

That said, if our boys prove that they can't handle finances when they get older, see no reason to give what you've earned all your life to someone who is just going to piss it away. Just my opinion.

The added reality is sometimes it's not the monatary things that mean the most to some. My one cousin (who is a single priest) really wanted my moms one cabinet that was in my grandmothers family. It wasn't a very nice piece of furniture IMO, just had a lot of sentimental value.
 
/ Growing Old With Dignity #195  
Find it also funny that in your opinion it's ok to kill for self defense.

And that brings us back to the topic at hand, full circle; self preservation of one's life above all else, no matter how much suffering or discomfort is involved. That is what leads the Medical World to believe they should use all efforts possible (no matter the cost) to save a patient who is unable to express their own wishes, or in some cases, even those who are (we're the professionals, we know better, even if you don't like it).
 
/ Growing Old With Dignity #197  
My father passed away 22 months ago. He was lucid until the day he started shutting down. He was at home and in failing health the last 5 years or so but soldered on with Mom's help.

When he passed away he was in the hospital for 5 days. EMS rushed him in on a Thursday afternoon. As power of attorney it was my decision whether to allow the hospital to try and save him. He had a similar situation a year ago and made it. He was still in his right mind and wanted to fight until the end. The doctor looked at me and I told him to go ahead.

He hung on until Monday night. I was sitting with him when he started shutting down. That morning when the family arrived we decided to send him to a room in the hospital to die.

He died that afternoon peacefully.

It's not an easy decision. Unless you have faced it you don't know. I am facing moving my mother in with me now. My only concern is her health and well being.

I have told my wife that if I am incapacitated to put me in a facility.

I don't judge the actions of others. Do what you think is right at the time, prepare, and do the best you can.

Sorry for your hard times. Proud of you for how you are handling them.
 
/ Growing Old With Dignity #198  
:thumbsup:

Quite odd how non-believers, here on TBN and across our country, go out of their way to mock God and those of us who believe in God and do our best to follow His Commandments.

Snap. Wish I'd said that. :thumbsup:
 
/ Growing Old With Dignity #199  
But you went ahead and did it anyway...:confused3:

No he didn't. He stated his beliefs and feelings about a matter that has direct connection to the subject of this thread.
 
/ Growing Old With Dignity #200  
Don't tell anyone if you leave something to them. After you die is when they find out, better that way.

Well some of the planning now requires recipients social security numbers which is how it all started...

I asked for the kids Social Security Numbers to make them beneficiaries of my 401k and Work Life Insurance...
 
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