?????? GROAN 2

[bmaverick]

 

[bmaverick]

My friend Jack claims that he can communicate with vegetables.

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Jack and the beans talk.

 

[bmaverick]

A vegan said to me, “People who sell meat are disgusting!”

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I said, “People who sell fruits and vegetables are grocer.”

 

[bmaverick]

I’ve started investing in stocks.

Mostly beef, chicken, and vegetable.

One day I hope to be a bouillon-aire.

 

[Solitary Man]

IMO I believe that it was a 'joke' about menopause that went 'one to many' over the line.

Probably, crass and uncalled for.

 

[bmaverick]

I got a job at a farm where I got highly paid 6 figures.

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I'm earning a huge celery.

 

[bmaverick]

I’m going to start a web site that is dedicated to revealing secret recipes that contain vegetables that are in the same family as onion and garlic and are especially good with potatoes.

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It will be called wikileeks.com

My name is A-sausage, and I approve this message

 

[bmaverick]

If the disciple that betrayed Jesus appeared in Veggietales, what vegetable would he be?

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Judas Is-a-carrot.

 

[bmaverick]

A young man gets a job at the local grocery store.

His job is to bag the customers’ groceries at checkout. It’s mindless work, but he doesn’t complain and performs his job well.

After working in the store for a couple of months, the store’s produce section gets a juicing machine.

Customers bring their selections of fruits and vegetables to the machine and an attendant juices the produce for them, making the freshest of juices.

The young man, wanting to move beyond bagging groceries, asks the manager if he can have the job of juice machine attendant. The manager denies his request.

The young man is upset, but figures that he will continue to prove his worth bagging groceries and eventually he will get the juicing job. Another few months pass and the young man approaches his manager again.

“Ma’am, I would like to request the job of juice machine attendant.”

Sadly, the manager denies his request once again.

“I don’t understand,” the young man says. “I’m professional, I’m reliable, and I’m great with the customers. I work hard and I deserve that position. I’m tired of bagging groceries.”

The manager sighs and says, “You’re a wonderful worker, that’s true, but I simply cannot give you the job. You know what they say… baggers can’t be juicers.”

 

[jerrybob]

A man and his wife are awakened at 3 o'clock in the morning by a loud pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door, where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push. "Not a chance!" screams the husband. "It's three o'clock in the morning!"​

He slams the door and returns to bed.

"Who was that?" asked his wife.

"Just some drunk guy asking for a push." he answers.

"Did you help him?" she asks.

"No, I did not! It's three in the morning and it's pouring out!"

"Well, you have a short memory." says his wife. "Can't you remember about three months ago when we broke down and those two guys helped us? I think you should help him and you should be ashamed of yourself!"

The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding rain.

He calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there?"

"Yes." comes back the answer.

"Do you still need a push?" calls out the husband.

"Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark.

"Where are you?" asks the husband.

"Over here, on the swing."