Grief from helping a friend.

   / Grief from helping a friend. #1  

Taylortractornut

Elite Member
Joined
Mar 27, 2002
Messages
2,909
Location
Iuka Mississippi USA
Tractor
3550 Fard Backhoe and a 1948 Farmall Cub,
I was wandering if any of yall had any greif from a friend after helping them. My experience this last week has really changed the way Im gonna help certain friends. I have a friend thats never really beenaround tractors alot. He was over here asking me who cleared our land behind the shop and made a park out of it. I told him that when dad bought it we just had the Cub with a blade and one other tractor. It was all hardwood and the pines were cut out. I told him haw dad and I marked off 50 by 50 areas and cleared them in a dy or 2 per section. Then when dad had a backhoe home from work we would dig a few stumps each time it was here till dad bought our own 1975 Ford TLB.

My friend bought about 14 acres and it was flat with a few gullies and a hill. I offered to go and use my excavator ir skidsteers or the old TLB leave at my work. The otherday on the way home I saw he had a culvert delivered and a load of gravel. I had the TLB with me so we stopped and marked off a 50by50 and I started in. I grubbed the trees withthe hoe and got him a parking area and stripped the top soil and toted gravel and installed the culvert.

Stumped the area and piled them and moved some ties and oter things he wanted to start with. Needless to say he wanted a TLB after I turned down his request to borrow my rig. He called and asked about me looking at a few TLBs he was looking at from the paper. So I burnt my fuel running the service truck to various locations looking at hoes the first part of the week. He was hooked on the prices of some like a 3000 dollar IHC hoe and and older MF back hoe. I told him it might be best to move on as IHC didnt carry any of the old OEM hoe parts and that the transmissions were bad on them. I found several problems with the MF machine to. He really wanted the MF as it was similar in size to my tlb. I explained it might be servicable but would require soem wrenching.



He wanted a running rig. We looked at a few other machines and I showed him a few differences and the ups and downs of them. I tried to urge him to an older Ford or Case or Cat machine. He was on CL or another site and found a 190 Dynahoe for sale. I told him they really weiged almost 4 times the weight of my machine and his ground wouldnt hold it up and when it broke it needed a bigger tools to work on it. He then found a large old 2wd Pettibone Mulliken TLB that was in the paper for 2250. I told him it was a large machine to. We metthe owner and he and I talked and he let me know the history of the machine. He cleaned up the land he owned and opened up a gravel pit and landscaping boulder business. THe machine was well taken care of for its age and had a recent rebuild on the 353 Detroit.


HE also told my friend that the machine was too big for what he needed and should also look at a Case or Ford. I showed my friend a a few lines that needed to be replaced and one fuel tank leak and and washer leak on the injector pump that needed changing. I ran it about an hour and it all checked out as a good machine.
I minded him that I couldnt haul it as it wieghed 3 times what mine did. He bought it and then got aggravated when I wouldnt haul it. I gave him a few numbers to lowboy operators that could haul it. He whined about the cost of moving it.

Got it home and He drove it around and tore up alot with it. He was running it and tried to pop a stump out just pulling. He blew a line out first thing. I got a call from him and told him that it would be about 150 to 200 for a replacement. I happened to have one that I took off a fellerbuncher I was repairing. I spend the time changing the line and getting him going. Then I hear him complain about the cost of fluid and the line. He said that he hated he bought that POS on my word. I got a call this morning before church. He got stuck in a place that I told him plainly not to get near. He kinda barked for me to get over there right then. I told him after church I d look at it. Well I got there and he was almost out of fuel and had tried to pull himself out. It took 2 hours to get it out

Then top it off he complained that I charged him for the fuel from my service truck. It really hacked me the more I thought about it. Then he blew another line and a bit ago and called me wanting to have me come change it. I told him I couldnt. He wanted to know if I might have another line but I didnt. Then I heard it again I wished you hadnt talked me into buying that POS> that really POed me right then and there. I laid it down that the owner and I both tried to talk him out of it. He was upset overthe old hose blowing and what it would cost.


Now his wife has called 3 times tonight wanting me to buy it off him or fix it for free including the hose. I blew up right then. Well actually the big one was when she said it was my fault.
 
   / Grief from helping a friend. #2  
I find that people who never accept responsibility for their own failings are not worthy friends. If things go wrong, they lash out at other people. While they can be pleasant and interesting when they want something from you, they are usually just "users" of other people. Moochers who want something for nothing.

I helped a guy decide what computer to buy several years ago, and it was as if I agreed to service the warranty on it. Very toxic.
 
   / Grief from helping a friend. #3  
What you just wrote about has happened to in various forms with friends for the last 25 years.

It never even fails and I don't know if I''m such a sucker or a majority of people are discourteous.

I've never been blamed like you have, but all and I do mean ALL my "friends" have abused my kindness.

One friend after borrowing my 4x4 took it on an 8 hour off road excursion then had the stoned to complain how rough it road off road while bringing it back empty, and never a thanks for allowing him to use it. I thought he jut needed a vehicle for the day, not for an off road trip.

Another "friend" moved out my way and I spend 3 months opening a business for him. Doing everything, business license, cards, flyers, and going on sales call, till he started getting business - then he picks up and goes back home because he missed his girl friend.

Last "friend" never had time to got to hang out with me as " I lived too far away" ( 10 miles ) ....until he needed something THEN he always came to the house within the hour. He borrowed 100 plastic chairs from me for his daughters wedding. He shot over and picked them up lickety split. Six month later after asking for their return I finally had to rent a truck and pick them up. He left them outside the entire time, so I spent the next 8 hours renting a pressure washer and cleaning them. Oh ya never a thanks on that one either.

I could give you a dozen more stories with a dozen more friends that all ended the same way. Me helping friends and friends lifting their leg on me like a dog at a fire hydrant.

That last one was the last one. No more friends for me PERIOD. Now when the wife and I meet people I keep my distance and it has worked well for me.

I may not have friends, but I'm no longer getting abused.
 
   / Grief from helping a friend. #4  
Perhaps his wife was not informed that he was going to buy the equipment beforehand.? I don't think that you should have any regrets, since you went out of your way to help him. You most definitely have no further obligation to appease him or aid in helping him navigate through his problems in regards to performing mechanical or momentary assistance. It appears that the problems with the equipment were due to his lack or knowledge and operating skills. If it were me, I would give the whole situation a little time in order to let "the dust settle" and see what the future holds for the friendship. Just my thoughts. I have experienced similar situations in the past, but they were associated with relatives and kinfolk. I sincerely hope that everything works outs and ends in a positive manner.
 
   / Grief from helping a friend. #5  
This sounds so much like a guy I worked with.I dont know where they get it but I think in their mind it tells them that they made a bad decision and wont take responsibility for it and they blame someone else.They dont really know how to appreciate what you've done for them. I know Id love to have a friend like you ..But they simply have a twisted mind of some sort and dont understand. I assume he told his wife that you were more persistent that he buy that rig..Thus taking some of the 'blame' away from him and onto you.Yet another betrayal of friendship..
Very frustrating to have someone not respect and appreciate the good hearted people.Somehow you have to distance yourself, and pay more attention to the people who appreciate you. These people aren't remembered quite as well as the ones who abuse a friend..
 
   / Grief from helping a friend. #6  
If your exfriend paid $2250 for the Pettibone, tell him to sell it for scrap metal. The current is $50-$100 a ton and it weighs ( 10 tons ??? ). The Detroit maybe $1500.
$75 x 10 t = $750
1 engine = $1500
______
$2250

Hows that.

Craig Clayton
 
   / Grief from helping a friend. #8  
From your side of the story, (as we all know there are always two sides)
Nevertheless ...you've been a good friend. You've spent time and fuel helping your friend.
Problem is ... he doesn't appreciate the value of your time and machines. He thought having his own machine would be like using yours for free after paying a nominal amount for an old machine. We know better.

He didn't figure the maintenance cost and his learning curve. Until he appreciates what you've done for him so far, he will be griped with you.

Distance yourself from him. He'll suck you dry and still be griped at you.
 
   / Grief from helping a friend.
  • Thread Starter
#9  
Im glad Im not the only one lol. Catdriver your plan sounds like my new one. I have a few true friends that wouldnt crap out on me. This "friend" was a pretty good guy but with his wife he got a little better than the rest of us. I may go buy the old hoe from him as I may be getting into a boulder pit. His wife even said If I had loaned her husband my old backhoe he wouldnt have had to buy this one. I told her they need to learn a lesson in what the costs are in machinery owner ship.
 
   / Grief from helping a friend. #10  
Your ex-friend almost sounds like some of my family.

I'd tell him the same I told them, "pound sand".
 
 
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