Grandparents, Uncles and Aunts... have times really changed so much?

[rox]

Merry Christmas everyone! I'm killing time waiting for the dryer to finish so I can do the next load of clothes. Int eh monring my son and his partner are taking my dad to Lison for 7 days. He's 84 and wants to go (my mom is staying with us) so our son is taking him. Nice kid, we'll he's 28 so he's not a kid I guess. Today we head over to Draguignan to spend Christmas day with my husbands family. There were 30 of us in a house about I'd say 1,000 to 1,200 square feet. Two of my great nephews were getting real bored and honestly me to since I half way foolw the French langauge so I offer to take the two boys for a walk. It was lightly raining so we took umbrellas. The boys are 9 & 7. The 9 year old stops at his parents car and pulls out his 2 wheeled scooter so he hops on that with his umbrella and off we go.

We walked a little ways and then took a turn into a residential area. The road lead up and up and up with a lot of switchbacks. My bephew (acctually he's my great nephew) is working the scooter pretty good going uphill and I know he is dreaming about how fun it will be to go down hill. I'm thinking of it also how dangerous it will be if he picks up speed and can't stop and a car comes around one of those switch backs. But I alos am thinking that it would be a heck of a lot of fun to ride that scooter down. When we got to the top after about a 5 block walk he says with a big smile, "It's the end time to go down" So I tell him ot stay at the top and wait for me to holler. I'll go down first and wait for cars and make sure there are no cars coming. I hike down make sure the coast is clear and holler. He comes tearing down that hill really fast real happy. And running behind him is the other nephew who did not ahve a scooter. The boys were so happy just riding and running down that hill. I even elt them go back about half way and do it again. I kno for absolute certain that of all the adults there I am the only one who would have let them do this. Any time I offer to take them for a walk they always go. Oh yeah I ended up carrying all the umbrellas as it was barely raining and they would rather get a little wet then have the umbrella. I thought that was okay also. I felt real happy they got to race down that hill, I know if I were their age I would have wanted to. Yeah sure he could have wiped out and hurt himself but he didn't. Both boys have a little bit of the devil in them and being cooped up for 5 hours in a small house they needed to get some energy out. So did I for that matter. I ahve a hard time just sitting around talking for that long.

I also think kids should learn how to use tools, even power tools. That is what you are supposed to do stand by right next to them and teach them and let them use a drill and a jigsaw etc. That's how they learn. I also think it is good to have kids add wood to a campfire while you are there supervising them. Nothing wrong with kids poking sticks in a fire and letting the ends cat fire and such, that's a lot of fun. I'm not over protective but I'm not ignorent of danger either. Mostly I think if you do things with your kids they are not as tempeted to start neighborhood fires n their own, because when out camping or if you ahve a fireplace they are permitted to enjoy and play around a g\bit with fire and they earn to respect it. Anyway I made 2 little boys happy today and I'm glad I did it, surely no one else in that family would ahve let them do what I did. Hey no cars were coming I watched for that and if one would have come I was in the middle of the road they would have had to stop for me and I would have stopped any car coming.

I am waiting for Eddie Walkers daughter to begin driving, the stories he tells about her motor skill are hilarious. Eddie if you read this whatever you do when she starts driving make sure she has no working radio in the car she drives as surely jsut driving will be enough for her much less a radio and driving at the same time.

 

[Sigarms]

What I see too much of today is todays youth sitting inside behind video games and computers, certainly not all but just the same, many ! Im not trying to stereotype todays youth, its just an observation !

Scotty, to some extent, I agree with you.

However, are children to be blamed or is it technologys fault?

Remember what was blamed for kids staying at home before the age of computers and video games? The T.V!

I can still remember myself as a child HAVING to get up early Saturday mornings watching cartoons like Johnny Quest, Speed Racer, Magilla Gorilla, Mush mouse and pumpkinpuss, speedy gonzalas and a host of others that I've forgotten about. Ultraman was a favorite after school as well.

I would of loved to hear what parents complained about with the developement of the automobile and the access teenagers had to this "new" technology, say around the mid 50's or 60's (I'm not that old yet).

Gosh, I didn't buy a cell phone (which I needed for work) until 1999, and I was over the age of 30! I now see kids in elementary school now having cell phones.

All that said, yes, I do notice a difference in todays society pertaining to the rearing of children. Fact is, most of you guys have a "leg up" on me when it comes to families. I didn't get married until later on in my life (late 30's), and before that, spent most of my free time having fun pursuing outdoor activities (as mentioned before, never owned a TV let alone a house until after I got married). When we bought our house and land, one speciffic reason was if we had children, they would have land to "play on" like my wife and I always found growing up. Fact is though, that land is becoming harder and harder to find for families.

The biggest observation I can draw my conclusions from is from my sister in law who lives in Charlotte in a large housing developement who has two small boys. Personally, what I've observed is that my nephews are never punished, but "talked to". I also noticed this some time ago with an old girlfriend and her friends children. This seems VERY different than the one Christmas I had as a child and my cousin and I were getting "out of hand". My uncle came upstairs "and laid the law" down for both myself and my cousin, and believe me, after he put me on my butt, I listened! My father's rule was that any adult could punish me (usually a swat on the butt) if I got out of hand and didn't repsect my elders. I don't consider myself abused at all growing up, but I knew I could be laid on my butt if I got out of hand by ANYONE if they were an adult (no, it didn't happen often). Never forgot my grandfathers coal miners belt that my father kept by chance I needed a swat (and guess what, dad is here for Christmas, I still love him even though he did have to keep me "in line" as a child).

Heck, as kids we didn't have video screens in the mini van, but played "catch a bug" on long trips

My only question is what the kids of today who are playing all those video games and spending time on the computer will complain about with the children when they are adults?

 

[scott_vt]

Scotty, to some extent, I agree with you.

However, are children to be blamed or is it technologys fault?

The biggest observation I can draw my conclusions from is from my sister in law who lives in Charlotte in a large housing developement who has two small boys. Personally, what I've observed is that my nephews are never punished, but "talked to". I also noticed this some time ago with an old girlfriend and her friends children. This seems VERY different than the one Christmas I had as a child and my cousin and I were getting "out of hand". My uncle came upstairs "and laid the law" down for both myself and my cousin, and believe me, after he put me on my butt, I listened! My father's rule was that any adult could punish me (usually a swat on the butt) if I got out of hand and didn't repsect my elders. I don't consider myself abused at all growing up, but I knew I could be laid on my butt if I got out of hand by ANYONE if they were an adult (no, it didn't happen often). Never forgot my grandfathers coal miners belt that my father kept by chance I needed a swat (and guess what, dad is here for Christmas, I still love him even though he did have to keep me "in line" as a child).



My only question is what the kids of today who are playing all those video games and spending time on the computer will complain about with the children when they are adults?

Good Mornin Joe,
I believe you hit the nail on the head, todays technologies certainly have a major impact on todays youth ! And actually not all adverse, my oldest son gravitated towards the computer and when he was younger video games also ! Well he graduated from the Univ of RI a few years back with a degree in computer science, and he also owns a small web design service, so I cant totally knock oppurtunities given to todays youth through todays technologies !

As a parent you kind of hope that your kids will embrace what you enjoyed durring your youth, but thats not always possible ! Our youngest son was more the rough and tumble type, varsity baseball in HS etc... more the outdoorsy type, although they were 18 months apart they had quite different personalities !

On the decipline issue, my Pop was not afraid to give me the belt ! I know Kathleen gave the boys a crack on the butt more than once, and I dont believe it stymied their "creative abilities" one bit ! JMO !

 

[dmccarty]

I ponder this question frequently.

Regarding kids being over protected. My uncle was a real mother hen to my cousins. While I was out swimming, cannoing, fishing, by myself or with another cousin, my uncle's kids were kept in a "swimming area" about 10 feet square a foot deep and penned in with chicken wire.

As a kid we were shown the stranger danger films in school. Lots of blood in the films. So the nuts where out there when I was a kid. I think the difference is that today parents are reminded of the dangers constantly where as back in the day with three major TV channels one was not bombarded with news. The technology has allowed us to get more information and it keeps the danger to kids front and center in parents minds today. Not so much when I was a kid. The Internet has opened up new ways for bad people to access kids. This just was not there when I was a kid. Abuse of kids in all sense of the word is not tolerated anymore where as in the past it could and was covered up more so than today.

In our old city house we had a convicted pediphile in our neighborhood. His partner in crime who was never arrested lived across the street from him. When I was a kid very few people would have known about him but now with the Internet everyone in the neighborhood knew to keep their kids away.

I rode a bike to school and had to cross a four lane highway. There was a crossing guard but on Saturdays or Sundays I would cross the same road to get to the 7-11 to get an Icee and candy. I was 10-12 when I did this. My grandmother lived one house away from a school. When I would visit her I would go over to the school to play and ride my bike. Very seldom where there ANYONE over there. From the second grade on I was alway out in the wood or someplace playing. Nowadays one would not let there kids do this anymore.

Kids now days learn different things. They mght not be able to work on a car but who can these days. But they can sure use the computer and other devices. When I was in school one of the humanity profs had put up a copy of a test from the 30's. It was all about Latin, Rome, and Greece. His point was that my generation could no answer these questions. Which was true. But back in the 30's they did not have computers, cars, planes, etc. Could the students in the 30's tell me what a CPU does? Or a Jet? What is a fission weapon?

I went to three different high schools and I can only remember one serious accident among the kids. In the last 12 months my area has had at least 6-12 kids killed in car crashes. Within 5 miles of my house we have had four kids killed in two accidents in the last 6 months or so. One was a 16 year old girl that lost control of the car and died. One of her teachers was driving behind her and saw the accident. The kid was just inexperienced. She would hug the shoulder and that day she let the tire get off the pavement and overcorrected which caused her to hit a truck. She had on her seat belt and was driving a Volvo which did not help her one bit.

I think part of it is that more kids have cars. When I was that age very few kids had a car. Now it seems that many teenagers have them.

Part of the reason to buy our land was to allow the kids to run loose a bit. In our old house it just was not safe. The kids are starting to push the boundries on how far they go. I have walked them around the place so they get to know the lay of the land.

There was an article in the WSJ a few months back about the X generation getting into the work place and how managers are having to deal with these kids. They expect high pay now. They want promotions now. They can need lots of handholding to get things done. One of the managers interviewed admitted that her generation's parenting style was coming home to roost.

Over the holidays my oldest daughter watched Bill Cosby's Himself which came out in 1983ish. I have seen this movie many many times and all most know it by heart. I can't see ANY comedian talk like Cosby does. Its just not PC and parents don't parent this way anymore. When I first started watching this movie as a young adult I viewed it from the kids perspective. Now I see if from the parents view. But Bill's "Intellectual" wife breaking a yard stick on the "Brain Damaged Children" while extreamily funny would not resonate with today's parents.

Course my daughter turned the movie around on me the next day. I was correcting her about something and she said something to the effect of, "What do you expect, I am just brain damaged."

Later,
Dan

 

[Chuck52]

I'm turning 60 this year. I grew up in a small town in east Tennessee, and from as early as I can remember I could wander anywhere I wanted to without supervision. I came home for food....most of the time. Sometimes I'd eat at my friend's house and we'd have whatever Granny Florence wanted to let us have. When I went anywhere around town, or out into the surrounding area, I'd just follow my instincts, I suppose. We crossed everyones property without thinking about it. Why walk around a block when you can cut through the neighbor's yards....they didn't care, and neither did we. I had a dog named Kennedy that was a cocker/dachshund mix. Great dog. He was never penned up and wandered all through town just like us. No problem, since everyone's dogs did the same. We used to walk down to the Tennessee river and play on the bluffs and in the caves. We were on private property, but if we ever saw anyone all we got was a wave and a "say hi to your mom" or something.

Is there anywhere this would now be possible? Some of us bought property just so our kids could run around a little like we could, but I had hundreds, even thousands I guess, of acres I could walk across without worrying. These days, if I saw someone on my property I'd wonder what he was doing there. When my grandkids are over, they stay on my property like there was a physical boundary surrounding it, though there isn't on three sides. A long time ago, I remember one of our "what do you do with trespassers" threads, where I allowed as how I wouldn't care if kids came across my property to reach a creek or whatever (though in fact I have no such interesting feature on my place). Boy did I get reamed for that. Now we're all into having our own property and keeping everyone else off, and I include myself, but I sure am glad all those farmers whose land I used to play on didn't care that a bunch of kids thought they owned the world.

Chuck

 

[Bird]

[QUOTEfrom as early as I can remember I could wander anywhere I wanted to ][/QUOTE]

When I was 10 to 12 years old, my mother didn't worry about me taking my .22 rifle or 12 gauge shotgun and going off hunting by myself, even if I stuck a sausage biscuit in my pocket for lunch. She did worry a bit that the horse or a mother sow might hurt me. And she really did not like my hitchhiking, but dad said it was OK. We lived in Healdton, OK, and it was a little over 25 miles to my grandparents' home in Ardmore, so I'd sometimes hitchhike over there and spend a night or two and hitchhike back. Of course there was a lot less population and traffic back then, and my dad and granddad had lived in that area all their lives. So I never had any problem getting a ride and can only remember one time that I got a ride with someone who didn't know me or my family.

 

[Marlowe]

Is it necessity or boredom that is the mother of invention? That question came to mind as I read this thread and remembered some of the things we came up with as kids to entertain ourselves. I learned some of my basic building skills in those tree houses we built back then. We generally made up for rotten wood with more nails; and used the same technique for nails that were too short. I remember the first time we talked my dad into getting into the tree house with us. That's when he built us the tree house in the back yard on stilts out of fear we would kill ourselves. Reminds me of what a great dad I had.

 

[EddieWalker]

I am waiting for Eddie Walkers daughter to begin driving, the stories he tells about her motor skill are hilarious. Eddie if you read this whatever you do when she starts driving make sure she has no working radio in the car she drives as surely jsut driving will be enough for her much less a radio and driving at the same time.

Hi Rox,

No radio sounds like a good idea. We don't know what we're going to do about her driving. What's kills me is the worse she is, the more hysterical her laughter.

Eddie

 

[2manyrocks]

Times have changed and the rate of change is growing at an exponential rate. We accept things today that previous generations would not. I remember a movie that had an X rating when I was in high school in the 1970's had the rating changed to an R, and some later years was even shown on television. Pick almost any movie, tv or video game and it is likely loaded with sex, violence and behavior which, if lived out in real life, would end in jail, death or other dire consequences.

I grew up in a rural community where everyone knew everyone else and always felt secure. We had a couple of idots in my high school on drugs, but that was about it. I recently asked an old classmate why his children didn't attend the high school we attended, and he told me that times had changed and there were so many drugs in our old high school that he wanted his children in a different school. There have been so many newcomers to our area that I no longer know whom I'm dealing with.

I generally believe that previous generations overall were more conservative, knew each other and had a respect for God and each other. Not so today. I recently read, for example, that the overall membership in United Methodist Churches has fallen to a level below what it was in the 1930's. There may be double the population, but self governing moral restraints have been cast off, values are now learned from the television and movies, and as a result, children and their families are suffering for it and there is no longer the stablity and safety in communities that previously existed.

 

[ultrarunner]

Last night, Mom wanted to talk about days gone by for a little while.

In many ways, the freedoms she enjoyed were very much the same as she let her my brothers and I have...

She has commented to my Brothers that they never would have accepted all the restrictions they place on their children... both Brothers said it's a different world today and they have to keep their wives happy.

I guess we were very lucky to have a Mom raised on a Farm with plenty of old fashioned "Country Sense"... even though we lived in the big city...