Graduation gifts.....

[deerseeker001]

I have to agree,manners were not taught.

 

[paulharvey]

I'm 31, so I guess I'm below the average age on here; but, I tell people thank you, but I don't think I've ever sent a thank you card. Is there something special about a written card? That seems a lot less personal then telling someone "thanks" too there face. I guess I just don't see the obligation to send a card. After all if you get a "thank you" card; are you then supposed to send then a "thanks for the thank you card" card?

 

[paulharvey]

I will say one thing people do that seems out of place. Don't send wedding, baby shower, graduation, ect announcements, looking for gifts from distant relatives, uncles, cousins, ect and definitely not co-workers. If you don't see them at least once a year, don't sent a disguised request for a gift.

 

[zzvyb6]

I was reminded to ALWAYS give a monetary gift using a personal check. This reduces the theft of cash currency by other members of the clan or even strangers who show up only for the food. I can then check if and when its cashed. Just had one last Saturday in fact.

On the other hand, a wedding check gift I gave to the neighbors a year ago was never cashed. After an inquiry, it turn out their dog chewed into the gift box and a few cards and envelopes were destroyed and unreadable. When I asked politely, they told me what may have happened and I reissued the gift. No harm done.

But, I am told by many parents that such gifts (and yours was quite large) are often 'expected' by graduates and they have no idea who or what Miss Manners is all about. But, you can still give then some charcoal in a sack or a box of old floppy disks if that has been their way of life.

 

[jlgurr]

It's not fair to make a general assumption that it's the parent's fault. I was raised with 5 siblings by the same parents and taught (expected) to return a thank you card or note. I raised two who are adults and with their own family now and have three more youngin's in the house. ALL have been taught/raised to send notes.

Results: One of my siblings and myself (of six total) actually still send thank you's. The other four could care less but still expect the gifts too. My two oldest children who are on their own have ceased to continue the "tradition" we started. They make their own choices now, unfortunately don't always coincide with their upbringing. Lastly, I hope my daughter doesn't receive anything from you because she may appear ungrateful but she definitely is not a selfish, worthless, b....

 

[tcreeley]

A gift should be freely given, or it is not a gift. Thank yous are nice- but to expect a thank you is a display of the very same bad manners. Give freely without expectation, or don't give at all.

As for this generation- it is just as generous and well mannered as prior generations - it is just that what was "mannerly" in the past is nolonger "mannerly" today. How many of us use the words "cr_p" or "fr_ggin" in our everyday speech. If we all had "good" manners, we wouldn't even think to use those words. Fktards- that is a great word- two insults in one, disparaging in two different ways. I guess people missed it, but the Special Olympic folks are asking us to stop using the word "******" due to its current use in insults.
.....easier next time to just keep your money. Take yourself out to dinner.

 

[DT86]

This is why I do not give nor expect any presents at.... Christmas, Birthdays, Weddings, ect.

If I want something, I'll buy it myself. No need to get feelings hurt over presents.

 

[2LaneCruzer]

A gift should be freely given, or it is not a gift. Thank yous are nice-

but to expect a thank you is a display of the very same bad manners. Give freely without expectation, or don't give at all.

As for this generation- it is just as generous and well mannered as prior generations - it is just that what was "mannerly" in the past is nolonger "mannerly" today. How many of us use the words "cr_p" or "fr_ggin" in our everyday speech. If we all had "good" manners, we wouldn't even think to use those words. Fktards- that is a great word- two insults in one, disparaging in two different ways. I guess people missed it, but the Special Olympic folks are asking us to stop using the word "******" due to its current use in insults.
.....easier next time to just keep your money. Take yourself out to dinner.

I couldn't disagree more. The import you give to the slight, however is another matter. If you give someone a graduation gift of $100 there is nothing wrong with the expectation of at least a thank-you of some sort. IMHO, it is a selfish omission and a lack of breeding and good manners to fail to at least acknowledge the gift...after all, it's not a pair of chartreuse shoe strings. Besides, such a failure leaves a lasting impression on the gift-giver that you really might regret some day.

On the other hand, some folks are just self-absorbed clods that have no respect or consideration for other folks, even those thoughty enough to send them $100 out of the goodness of their hearts. Just mark it up to experience and forgetaboutit.

 

[jmc]

This thread is doomed.

 

[tcreeley]

I couldn't disagree more. The import you give to the slight, however is another matter. If you give someone a graduation gift of $100 there is nothing wrong with the expectation of at least a thank-you of some sort. IMHO, it is a selfish omission and a lack of breeding and good manners to fail to at least acknowledge the gift...after all, it's not a pair of chartreuse shoe strings. Besides, such a failure leaves a lasting impression on the gift-giver that you really might regret some day.

On the other hand, some folks are just self-absorbed clods that have no respect or consideration for other folks, even those thoughty enough to send them $100 out of the goodness of their hearts. Just mark it up to experience and forgetaboutit.

So as a gift becomes of greater value, the thankyous should increase in intensity? A gift is a gift. Give it or don't. Don't expect anything in return. If you want, write a personal note along with your gift. Gifts are not about the giver, they are just something nice you do for someone else - they are not investments to gather interest. There is no implied contract.

-a hundred dollars from someone you don't like or respect is of little concern to anyone.

 

[rtimgray]

I agree that a gift should be given without expectations. If you can't live without proper thanks, then don't give the gift. By the same token, I am a believer in thanking people for gifts, and my wife and I sent out thank you cards for wedding and baby shower gifts, and my children send thank you cards for gifts they receive.

I like to get thank you cards for gifts, no matter their value, but I don't waste time getting upset about not getting them, nor will I disparage the person for lack of thanks.

The OP might also look at it in this respect - thank you cards or other acknowledgements may only have been sent to those that gave a certain size gift (think like a telethon where you get a coozie for $50 donation, and a coffee cup for $100, etc.). Maybe the size of gift that was rendered was not large enough to qualify for a thank you...

I would put this in the category of something that I wouldn't spend time getting upset about...don't get me wrong, I get upset about other small things and items that would not bother other folks, but this subject is not among them.

However you choose to continue your gift-giving habits, good luck and take care.

 

[2LaneCruzer]

So as a gift becomes of greater value, the thankyous should increase in intensity? A gift is a gift. Give it or don't. Don't expect anything in return. If you want, write a personal note along with your gift. Gifts are not about the giver, they are just something nice you do for someone else - they are not investments to gather interest. There is no implied contract.

-a hundred dollars from someone you don't like or respect is of little concern to anyone.

To each his own. If I give someone $100 for graduation and it is never acknowledged, it will be the last they ever get from me. I am not the government; go freeload off someone else. We have enough ungrateful folks. If you have an entitlement mentality, don't expect it from me.

 

[Sigarms]

Well....excuse me for being blunt....but I am sick and tired of the worthless "gimme, gimme" attitude most of the younger generation has today. They can devote countless hours a week texting, Facebooking, Twittering, playing stupid online games, etc. but HEAVEN FORBID they show proper manners and thank someone....how long does it take to send a text or Facebook message....thirty seconds....???!!!! I don't have kids but I do have nephews....my GF has kids and each and every one of my nephews as well as her kids has the proper manners to thank people. If someone's kids don't have the manners to thank people properly it's the parent's fault most of the time.

There is a difference between being blunt and honest, and being a azzhole about it.

For myself, you give "from your heart" because you don't expect to receive. Yes, there is something nice for being acknowledged for giving, but I believe even the Bible has words for those who give and expect to recieve from their giving.

 

[paulharvey]

Hmm, this I guess brings a question.

Someone needs a jump at Walmart. You jump them, they offer $10 as thanks (I was shocked, it's a jump): do you take it

You get a jump at Lowes/Walmart/wherever. Do you offer anything other than a "Thank you"

A total stranger in your neighborhood knocks on your door at 10pm to pull his van out of the ditch; cause he sees you have a 4x4. I personally don't ask for anything, but too me 30 minutes, I don't know you... at least calls for the offer of a beer;

I actually had a neighbor walk up (never meet him before) and ask to jump him off so he could go to work. I did of coarse. He can't stop saying how thankful he iis, that I would do this for a stranger (2 minutes of my day tops) and offers $20... I turned it down; but is that the norm nowadays, paying for a jump off? I've need my share of jumps, pull out of sand, ect; and it never crossed my mind I should offer cash; just a good "thank you".

 

[paulharvey]

Hmm, this I guess brings a question.

Someone needs a jump at Walmart. You jump them, they offer $10 as thanks (I was shocked, it's a jump): do you take it

You get a jump at Lowes/Walmart/wherever. Do you offer anything other than a "Thank you"

A total stranger in your neighborhood knocks on your door at 10pm to pull his van out of the ditch; cause he sees you have a 4x4. I personally don't ask for anything, but too me 30 minutes, I don't know you... at least calls for the offer of a beer;

I actually had a neighbor walk up (never meet him before) and ask to jump him off so he could go to work. I did of coarse. He can't stop saying how thankful he iis, that I would do this for a stranger (2 minutes of my day tops) and offers $20... I turned it down; but is that the norm nowadays, paying for a jump off? I've need my share of jumps, pull out of sand, ect; and it never crossed my mind I should offer cash; just a good "thank you".


Guess what I'm saying is who decides what's rude? Have I been rude to not offer my first born for a jump start? Would the grads be rude to send you a text "saying got your gift TYVM"... or does it need to be scribbed on parchment and hand delivered by a singing dancing clown?

 

[paulharvey]

I humbly submit for a bull wiping for the double post, or is that a lynchable offense these days? Or do I get keel hauled?

 

[dave1949]

Maybe thank you's, calling cards, etc. in the past served a purpose similar to social media networking these days?

If someone does you a kindness or a favor, do you say thanks because you think you owe it to them per the rules of etiquette, or because you genuinely wish to thank them? A simple thank you with a smile is good.