Getting an annual physical at the doctors

[EddieWalker]

Before my dad lost his brain to Alzheimer's, he wanted to be cremated, and then have his ashes spread out at the big pond. It was his happy place to walk down to and sit for a bit. Even after his mind got lost in the disease, he still walked down to the pond every day and sat for awhile. Later he would go with his therapists a couple times a week so he wouldn't get lost, or fall. Not too long before he passed, his brain came up with delusions of grandeur and he wanted a huge funeral with everyone he knew all over the world to show up. Sometimes he wanted it in Texas, other times in California, and a lot of the time, back in Saskatchewan. It was all crazy talk. He wanted everyone to see that he had made it to 100 years old. He was 86, but he had no concept of time anymore. Fortunately my Mom agreed with us to cremate him because that's what he wanted when he was still able to think and understand things. He passed in October and we are going to have a few friends over in the Spring when we spread his ashes at the pond.

 

[Fuddyduddy1952]

My Grandfather always wanted to be cremated and so he was. He wanted his ashes dispersed on his farm. My grandmother couldn't bear the thought of that so she had his ashes buried!
That meant they had to be placed in a concrete vault and I believe it cost about $10K, (1985).

 

[plowhog]

It was all crazy talk.

This is so sad.

My aunt passed about 10 months ago. She was the shield for my uncle, fighting dementia, He is now alone and making changes to and generally wreaking havoc on a carefully constructed will and trust involving many properties and big $$$.

Gentle effort to help him is roughly rebuffed. He "doesn't need" any help or suggestions. A stronger effort to help brings out great anger.

He is now finding new lady friends. We are waiting for one of them to clean out his assets. There is nothing, it seems, our family can do. Maybe there is a legal process that could be invoked but I'm on the periphery and not a decision maker.

 

[Jstpssng]

Alzheimer's sucks.

 

[EddieWalker]

We where very scared of my dad losing all of their money to some scam. He retired from the phone company, and he was obsessed with answering the phone and talking to whoever called him.

At first, my mom took his wallet from him, but that just freaked him out into a panic obsession to never stop looking for it. Eventually he found it and refused to put it down. We took his credit cards away, but he noticed that within days.

I'm pretty sure he wanted to charge something and couldn't find his cards. Once he had his cards back, my mom canceled them. I don't think he understood that because he would sneak away and try to get my wife to use his card to buy something.

One of his biggest goals was to get out of Texas, so he could drive to Stanford in California, where he could get cured for his Alzheimer's. He denied having Alzheimer's, but was convinced they had a secret cure there that you had to be there in person to get treated. He also knew that he couldn't drive anymore, but thought he could outsmart everyone and still drive in other states. Just not Texas.

Mostly we just played along, but our fear was what he was doing on the phone when nobody was around. Several times we caught he waiting outside the house with a small bag, but trying to hide so we wouldn't see him. It's both comical and sad to realize that this is how he thought. We waited and fairly soon a friend of his from the Elks Lodge would show up thinking they where giving dad a ride to town because we where too busy. But dad wanted a ride to Oklahoma and he would lie to them to show up and then talk them into driving him across the border.

After the second time, we got the Elks people to have a meeting and inform everyone there NOT to help dad if he calls them. Its was hard for some of them because Dad had been an active member for years. He was Santa every year, and my parents went to the Lodges at least twice a week. He was very sociable, loved to dance and sing karaoke, and mostly he loved being the center of attention. Pretty much the opposite of me. LOL

I guess we where fortunate to be around him so much and able to deal with him. Our next options was to have him Committed. He had a team of doctors and all of them agreed to have him Committed, which would of made him not responsible for his actions. It was tempting, and it almost happened several times, but none of us really wanted to do that to him.

We probably got lucky at the end. Just when he was getting to the point of being uncontrollably, he got worse all of a sudden and just sort of became helpless the last couple months before passing.

 

[plowhog]

Thank you for sharing that Eddie.

 

[lman]

Many folks lost care during the pandemic and a lot of providers closed up and retired.

Mom would have all those questions at her annual physical but last one was 1998 as her doctor retired and had a hard time scheduling and when I finally got a date it was March 2000 just as everything shut down.

Why did everything shut down in 2000?

 

[Jstpssng]

Before my father got really bad they put everything into a trust. I don't know if that would have kept him from getting scammed, but my mother tried to keep a close eye on him.
It sucks to watch somebody go that way.
One day he went to get a haircut, at the place 5 miles away where he'd been going since he was a kid. It took forever for him to get home and my mother was getting worried until he walked through the door.
"Where's your truck?" He had forgotten he had driven to town, and had walked back.

We knew that he wouldn't last long in a nursing home so my mother kept him home as long as she could. The day after his 83rd birthday she finally took him to assisted living... . He walked in on his own but within a week was bed ridden. After about 5 weeks he just stopped eating, and his living will prevented them from intervening.

One thing I have since learned about Alzheimers patients is that they have a hard time swallowing. I remember watching him eat the day before his birthday and noticed it then but didn't realize why.

 

[Alan W.]

My grandfather had mini strokes according to his Dr. But the end result was almost the same as dementia. He could function fine and take care of himself but in his mind there were people in the woods behind his house trying to shoot him. Took his guns” to have them repaired “. He would call me and I would go to his house and fire a few shots into the woods and he would be fine for a few days.
My aunt moved back home to help but really to freeload. This caused problems between her and him. They would argue and he would walk to my house to get away.
Granny would call and ask if I had seen him and he would be on my front porch.
I would ask him if he wanted to go somewhere and get something to eat.
He loved to do that.
He fell one day and broke his hip, never made it out of the hospital.

 

[ultrarunner]

Why did everything shut down in 2000?

Dad became quite sick after a brief remission after Chemo and Radiation… for us everything shut down at the business and mom a career RN and myself focus was caring for dad… he passed December 2000 not living long enough to see his grandchildren…

In 2023 mom passed away after a long battle with dementia… everyone said to find a placement and then Covid changed life as we knew it… mom was not able to understand why everything changed… why could no longer visit with cherished neighbors… why no one came to visit… no contact with loved ones and as a daily attendee of Catholic Mass… no more mass…

Can’t tell you how many times it was simpler for me to drive her to the locked church and empty convent and rectory so she could try every locked door looking for answers.

Dad was fully aware of everything going on and never wished to burden anyone and mom was totally unaware of world events… only that life isn’t right.

That said, she never complained and always grateful for any kindness.

Those placements places people suggested experienced high Covid mortality… national news stuff and then about 10-12k per month with no visiting policy.

Mom did agree to go to a facility on one condition being daily Catholic Mass… no such place exists in the Greater SF Bay Area and several Diocese inquiries confirmed.

Fresno CA would be the closest at some distance plus no visitors.

When you step into the roll of caregiver of someone terminal or with Dementia everything else basically stops as you become 100% focused…

An interesting observation is hearing if there is anything you need just let us know and the biggest surprise to me is Mom for decades was a Eucharistic minister visiting shut ins and infirmed of the parish found she was on her own during the Pandenic years.

I requested last rites from her parish of 54 years and was referred elsewhere.

When she was laid to rest I reached out to the former pastor who had been reassigned 20 years prior and he said absolutely will be there and refused any compensation for travel or time saying mom was a true inspiration…

TBN was one of my strengths and the kindness of members having walked the same path helped me tremendously and I am grateful for both online posts and the many PM’s received.