From a Dog's Diary...

[Richard]

I read this on another forum, thought I'd copy/share. I got a kick out of it. (I have both dogs & cats)




From a dog’s diary …………

8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 pm - Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

From a cat’s diary ……………

This is the 983 of my captivity.

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.
They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.
The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a ‘good little hunter’ I am. B@st@rds.

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of ‘allergies.’ I must learn what this means and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow – but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.

The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now…

 

[oosik]

Ha, ha - that is good!! My cats have always been kept outside. I don't want to hear all their bitching. My dogs have always been kept inside - their comments are appreciated.

 

[Sigarms]

For whatever reason, the 4 legged idiots who refuse to use the indoor sandbox to relieve themselves inside this jail ignore me when I'm stuck inside these 4 walls...

However, once my captors in this jail release me into my world, all bets are off with those 4 legged idiots who ignored me while I was in my cell as they seem to want me for a snack...

 

[MoKelly]

That was fantastic!

Our cat (inside only) acts like an abused prisoner but has worked out a compromise with my wife:

- new water in bowl at 7am and 2pm and 7pm. He cannot under any circumstances drink stale water

- food bowl can NEVER have the bottom showing. EVER. The silver bottom causes him eye fatigue

- periodic release onto the screen porch whenever he walks to the door, looks up and says “meow”

- ability to sleep whenever and wherever he wants with no distractions or noises

- ability to wake us up whenever with the loudest MEOW he can muster. Then walk slowly to the screen porch door, look up and say “meow”

- daily scooping of the sand box and disposing remains in a sealed container no closer than 100 feet from the sand box

- getting cheek rubs and ability to show us his behind whenever and wherever he wants. Working on computer - yep. Watching TV - yep. Going to sleep - yep.

All this was fine and accepted. Now, all of a sudden, we are getting pop up stuff on our phones that advertise a website called “cats don’t have owners, they have staff”! He couldn’t have - could he????

MoKelly

 

[MoKelly]

Here is the cute little thing!

 

[Richard]

Gotta love all those furballs

 

[MoKelly]

Ha ha! That is a keeper pic.

Sometimes you really have to wonder what are they thinking!

MoKelly

 

[oosik]

That's why I provided food, water & shelter for the cats - outside.

 

[Jstpssng]

You know what they say... lock your dog and your cat into a closet for the day(separately of course). When you let them out see which is glad to see you, and who comes strolling leisurely out like it was their idea. And that food bowl had better be full!

 

[Sigarms]

You know what they say... lock your dog and your cat into a closet for the day(separately of course). When you let them out see which is glad to see you, and who comes strolling leisurely out like it was their idea. And that food bowl had better be full!

I always heard it as they say lock your dog and your wife in the trunk of your car for a day, open the trunk day later, and see who is glad to see you