Foster Care adoption

[Zxyrthe]

Anyone have any experience as an adoptive family or adoptee out of domestic foster care? Older children especially. Any anecdotes, advice, etc. would be appreciated.

Thanks in advance.

 

[MoKelly]

We have been foster parents for many years and have adopted 2 children.

It is a great experience and you will be helping the most vulnerable of people in a time of great need.

It is a tough job ... the children come to you after the most horrible experiences with an adult they trusted. They will not trust you and they will be afraid and they will test the linits. It takes time. Be patient and loving.

Then, just about the time they begin trusting you and you bond to them, they will be taken away and put back into the prior situation.

Like I say, it is a tough job.

Good luck.

MoKelly

 

[Zxyrthe]

Hi Mokelly,

Thanks for the quick reply. My wife and I are actually considering adopting from foster care. With no kids of our own, we're looking for as much information and feedback as we can find. The classes on foster kids are really eye-opening. What's especially disturbing are some of the prospective adoptive parents that are in the class. They're looking for rainbows and unicorns when these kids have had nightmarish childhoods as a baseline.

Thanks for the encouragement.

Regards,
Zxyrthe

 

[forgeblast]

Before we did our last IVF we were in the process of waiting for PA to reinstate their foster to adopt program. I remember there were a ton of classes that we were getting signed up to do.
Where I work we have foster children come in, and some that are taken into foster care.
It takes patience, and understanding that the are coming from a place where there was (in many times) no structure and what you would call normal isnt what they consider normal. Its going to take some time to relearn how to act right.
In pa we could have chosen the age of the foster child/children from newborn on up.
that may be something to consider. Also there is a window where the birth parents can get them back, just something to consider.
I wish you the best, we really considered that way into adoption but our last frozen cycle ivf worked.

 

[milkman636]

My wife and I have fostered 6 kids in total, and adopted three of them.

There is definitely a challenge to acccepting chidren from homes that lacked good role models and/or proper care and supervision. The older they are the harder it is to change from the behaviors that they have already learned.

It can be heart wrenching. We had two brothers that were with us for 2.5 years before they were returned to their dad. We got them at 5 and 3 yrs old, and they left us at 7 and 5 years old.

It is also very rewarding when you think back to the conditions they came to you in, and you can see your impact on their lives. It is an awesome feeling that nothing can take away.

When we started fostering we had no chidren of our own either. The doctors had diagnosed my wife with a condition that made pregnancy unlikely. Amazingly enough adopting has cured her. Since we started adopting we have been able have children of our own.

We went from worrying about being able to have kids to worrying about having too many. It's humorous to look back at the worry and frustration now. I know that God really does have a sense of humor.

 

[Fixemall]

I have never formally adopted a child but one of my sons friends has adopted us, his parents got divorced for the third time when he was 17 and we let him stay with us when he wanted, three years later he is still here and going to school part-time and working two jobs.

 

[Zxyrthe]

Glad my thread's not dead. Thanks for the replies.

Ironically, we did the first part of our homestudy yesterday. Simple enough.

We've tried having kids of our own and now we're old enough that we'd need to beat some serious odds working against us. And that's ok.

We're not trying to have the child we never had. We're looking to help a child or two overcome and cope with their trauma so they will one day be the kind of adult that we'd like to spend time with.

If I earn the title "Dad" during that process, great! If not, I'll still know that we gave our all towards helping a child.

 

[MoKelly]

If I earn the title "Dad" during that process, great! If not, I'll still know that we gave our all towards helping a child.

You have already earned the title based on your efforts and thoughts.

MoKelly

 

[rasimmo]

I have not had any experience with foster care or adoption yet. I am interested in this information also. We are going through another 3 month round of IUI right now. May go to IVF if that don't work. The next thing will be adoption I guess. I feel for you and anyone else in this situation. We have been working on this for about 12 years now. All of this is stressful, emotional, and expensive. It is all in God's hands in the end though. Good luck

 

[ToadHill]

We fostered several children and adopted the last one we had in foster care. He came to us at 5 days old and we adopted him when he was almost 3. He's now 28.

Get as much information as you can about the child's past and any medical information you can about the parents. Some health related issues are genetically linked.

Good luck, make sure your own children become part of the decision to adopt (if you have children). Making them a part of the decision helps them to accept the adoption. We told ours that we were able to adopt but wanted their input. They all said they wanted to adopt as well. I told them that if they agreed we never wanted to hear that our adopted child was anything but one of the family. They agreed and the subject of their brothers adoption never comes up unless he's the one asking the question.