Common sayings that are wrong or butchered

[OldPaint]

Useless as a screen door [or window] on a submarine.
Useless as a left-handed waffle turner.
Useful as a pocket on a shirt.
Busier than a 3-legged cat coverin' up on a marble floor
Busier than a one-armed paper hanger
Flat out like a lizard drinkin'.

As nervous as a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs.
If a cat had a square butt, it might lay gold bricks.
If a frog had wings, it wouldn't bump it's butt.

Then there's so many euphemisms for appearance:

Sticks out like dogs' balls.

She was so ugly;
she could make a freight train take a dirt road.
If ugly was a bicycle, she'd be a 10 speed.
she could snag lightning 10 feet underground.
her mama fed her with a slingshot.
her mama tied a pork chop around her neck to get the dog to play with her.

Or judging intelligence:

His elevator don't go all the way to the top.
The lights are on, but nobody's home.
Just about as sharp as a bowling ball.
He reminds me of Paul Revere's ride, a little light in the belfry. (Foghorn Leghorn / Mel Blanc)

Or sobriety:
Drunk as a wobbly bicycle.
3 sheets in the wind

 

[goeduck]

The whole famn damily.

 

[Oaktree]

Computers and and mechanical hard drives can both crash.
If the computer crashes, it has most likely run into a software error or has been fed bad data that wasn't error checked.
You have seen the "Blue Screen Of Death" when Windows crashes haven't you?

Agreed. Crash is just a generic term when a computer stops working.

 

[2LaneCruzer]

Grinnin' like a cat eating wasps

Shaking' like a dog shittin' peach seeds

 

[Pixguy]

That ain't worth two dead flies

 

[/pine]

Is it "Loam" or is it "Loom"?

I just call it dirt.

I always heard that if it was inside the house it was dirt...if outside it was earth...!

 

[/pine]

How about "floundering" versus "foundering"?

I've always said "foundering", like a horse going lame. I saw a printed news story the other day that said a certain government program was "floundering"

I used to fish with guy...sometimes we would target southern flounder...when he would catch one he would call it a flounder...if I caught one he would say it was a fluke...!

 

[lman]

Sweating like a pig. Pigs don't sweat.

 

[JethroB]

Grinning like a jackass eating briars.

 

[Fuddyduddy1952]

I always heard that if it was inside the house it was dirt...if outside it was earth...!

What is dirt on the moon called? Couldn't be earth...?
Here a driven ground is called Earth ground. What would it be called on Mars?