Update with a bit of a twist to the plot.
Dad passed away on June 26. Let me remind... ultimately this is about a family bible. It's been in the family for, I don't know how long.... the 65 years I've been alive.... dad (95) grew up with it.... so is it 100 years old? 150 years old?
Suffice to say it's very old. Been handed down to the male in the family (that would be me).
Dad's wife (who was the third wife in his life.... two prior, including my mother ending in divorce)
She's seemed to decree that she's not yet willing to part with it. At funeral, I asked if she was ok with me (who drove 9 hours to get there), anyway, would she be ok if I went to get it. She was an accounting girl, she left that business and got to be an ordained minister..... In near 40 years, I have N.E.V.E.R. seen her as much as show any sadness, much less, tears, even hat her own mothers funeral (nor did she show any tears at Dad's memorial)
"Are you ok if I go get the Bible now?"
Bursts into tears... "Richard..... I PROMISE you are going to get the bible..... (snif sniff.... inhale)....I'm just not ready to deal with that yet"
Given she was a widow of a number of days, ok. (besides, there are other family heirlooms that frankly, need to stay in the family. She's got zero kids, she's estranged from her sister, so it's "just her" now in life)
Happens that my sister talked to her about it. I don't know if Sister brought it up or she did. None the less.... tears come flowing again and she tells sister "I'm not ready to do anything yet..... "I'm still processing""
What the dickens does a 71 year old need to process when her husband at 95 years old dies?
Without getting into too many other details
*recall the Cannon I have? She was going to dump it
* She's (evidently) told one of my sisters she was going to DONATE this very bible, to her church (wtf?)
*Grandmother kept a diary. In it, my Grandfather read to myself and my father, were some of her last words, as she was leaving to go to the hospital (cancer) and her saying she knew this was her last time leaving the house, she'd never be back..... Grandpa burst into tears and it was a very emotional event for the three of us.
I ask her about the diary..... she knows nothing about it. Dad would NOT have thrown it away but with the evident proclivity she's has on tossing his things out......one has to wonder what her thoughts are of her mother in laws (who died in 1972 when she would have been maybe 15) diary....
Today, you glance around the house..... you see dozens of pictures of her niece & nephew. There isn't a single picture, momento, memory of anything that would relate back to dad.....she's essentially erased his presence in the house.
I can understand some of this.... but some of it reallyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy hits me in a bad way.
So, we'll know much more in a week or so. Sister is going there for unrelated reasons. I told sister I'd meet her. Dad's wife had reminded sister "I'm not talking about ANYTHING related to any furniture nor the bible" (the furniture is my grandfathers desk that I "used" when I was 6,7,8 years old, pretending to be him "doing business".....It's being used as a computer desk by her)
I'm going down. Basically it's do or die for me. Going to bring these subjects up, there's likely going to be a clash about it. My guess is she'll again, 'I'm not ready to talk about it (with tears)"..... so I have to be prepared to say that's fine. You don't have to talk about it (as I pick up bible and carry it to car)
The real fear I have is.....she's expecting this and moves/hides the bible. Given how she's been acting, it's terribly sad that I even think this is possible, but I do. If this happens, you have a bible that's been in the family for 100+ years.... and Dad's third wife, with no family of her own, arbitrarily deciding that something different is going to happen to it, after acknowledging that she "promises" I'll be getting it? When? When she dies?
Yeah, I'm really looking forward to this visit (not)
How does one deal with what might just be a simple gold digger (dad did ok over life..... and we kids are 100% fine that "she gets everything".....BUT FOR, the items that came from our grandparents as herilooms. I emailed her asking "What happens if you die in "X" years.... is your executor of your estate going to know these are family things?" Interestingly, she has not responded to that at all.
what really shocks me is the ordained minister in her....I would have expected to come out and say "here kids.....these family things, rightfully belongs to you, let's get this taken care of" (as she drives away looking at her bank account(s) laughing...) but she wants it all it seems.
We're already well past that stage.
We'll see what happens.