Merry Christmas!

[check]

Merry Christmas everybody.

 

[tacticalturnip]

Merry Christmas folks!

 

[Sigarms]

Family, you got to love them, but I need to start smoking weed and chill at the family gatherings.

My wife, myself and my Mother in law (and my FIL when he was alive) are the only people in my wife's family who has this concept that if we're meeting at my MIL's at 3 PM to eat, you show up between 2-2:30 so you can start on time.

There is this other concept that if you have an hour drive to the MIL's and your gathering at 3PM to eat and you're just leaving your house at 3PM and won't get there until 4PM, you call to tell everyone you're running late. I mean do you run late for work or other appointments all your life?

We always take two cars, because with the dogs, we generally don't give them more than 5 hours alone so we can get them outside, added the generally eat around 5PM and I generally spend 3 hours at the inlaws while my wife will stay most of the day now with her mom.

Common sense and common courtesty.

After 20 years of NO ONE being on time other than me, my wife and in laws, I'm getting to the breaking point Christmas, Easter you name it, always this way.

I told my wife, new rule... Set a time to eat, that IS the time to eat and if you show up late, you can eat late. I told her we doing nothing more than enabling people to be inconsiderate.

My, how some family time can change the perspective

I'm fighting to be more like Jesus...

Butthole rant off...

Again, Merry Christmas!

 

[lilranch2001]

It took you 20 years to figure that rule out?!?!?!?

You are a much more patient man than I….

 

[ArlyA]

Most families have quirks* in them. Ours certainly does!

*was hard to find correct spelling.

 

[lilranch2001]

Quirk

 

[Sigarms]

It took you 20 years to figure that rule out?!?!?!?

You are a much more patient man than I….

My in laws always new it drove me crazy like it did them. I've always kept my mouth shut other than to my wife and my inlaws. I really do consider my in laws like my own parents.

I think the final straw was yesterday my MIL seemed disappointed at 3:20PM when no one was there other than my wife and myself. That said, at least the SIL called at 3PM to let her know she would be late (I still can figure out if you live an hour away, if you aren't leaving by 2PM, to call then).

However, one adult nephew didn't make it until 4PM with his girlfriend. The reaity is I guess he's learned from his mom, I don't know.

I did tell my MIL yesterday that if I would have gotten any of her sisters as my MIL not certain how long our marriage would have lasted because it seems my in laws have the brains and common sense in the family. FIL was a much better man than myself though as he knew when NOT to say anything LOL

 

[lilranch2001]

Some people are just too sweet for their own good…..

Me….. 18 years ago I wouldnt have answered the door past 3:15……

 

[Sigarms]

Most families have quarks* in them. Ours certainly does!

*can't find correct spelling?

Perhaps it's just me, but I don't see having a lack of common courtesey as being a quirk but as being just rude.

If you work at 8AM, do you show up for work at 8:30 or 9AM regularly? If you have an appointment for anything during the week, do you always show up 30 to 60 minutes late without calling notifying the other party that you're running late?

Perhaps it's just plain stupidity in not knowing how to plan your day per drive time?

 

[Sigarms]

Some people are just too sweet for their own good…..

Me….. 18 years ago I wouldnt have answered the door past 3:15……

Like I said, my FIL was a good man.

We thought things would be different this year because the basic waste of a human life brother in law was finally dumped by the SIL (woud never listen to her family, but had therapist from her church finally tell her after she got to know the guy in counseling).

I just told my wife from now own, the set time to eat is the set time to eat, no if's ands or butts.

We actually made the time later yesterday due to a newphews work schedule (not the one who showed up 60 minutes late, the one who showed up only like 20 minutes late).

It really has been this way for 20 years and after I saw my MIL kind of get depressed about it, I'm kind of no longer going to tolerate. That said, she loves her other daughters and grand children, so going on the warpath won't accomplish anything.

Like I said, if the SIL always always been late in her life for family gatherings, not certain how she can address it with her own adult kids now.

 

[lilranch2001]

Like I said, my FIL was a good man.

We thought things would be different this year because the basic waste of a human life brother in law was finally dumped by the SIL (woud never listen to her family, but had therapist from her church finally tell her after she got to know the guy in counseling).

I just told my wife from now own, the set time to eat is the set time to eat, no if's ands or butts.

We actually made the time later due to a newphews work schedule (not the one who showed up 60 minutes late, the one who showed up only like 20 minutes late).

It really has been this way for 20 years and after I saw my MIL kind of get depressed about it, I'm kind of no longer going to tolerate. That said, she loves her other daughters and grand children, so going on the warpath won't accomplish anything.

If you keep allowing people to walk on you, you will continue to be a door mat

 

[lilranch2001]

Admittedly I can be a dick, but I do not tend to get walked on either….

 

[Sigarms]

If you keep allowing people to walk on you, you will continue to be a door mat

I don't disagree with you and feel the same way.

However, if it were my mom and I had a brother or sister (I don't) who did the exact same thing with their kids, making an issue out of it I may win the battle, but lose the war for my own mom with her other child.

I'd be absolutely fine with my MIL staying at our house, but it's easier for everyone to meet at her house.

I'm just a punctual person when I have to be somewhere and if I know I'm running late, I'll call ASAP. Heck, even if I'm going to be 5 minutes late for a meeting, I'll text the other party because it's due to drive time. I see that as nothing more than a common courtesey.

 

[lilranch2001]

I don't disagree with you and feel the same way.

However, if it were my mom and I had a brother or sister (I don't) who did the exact same thing with their kids, making an issue out of it I may win the battle, but lose the war for my own mom with her other child.

I'd be absolutely fine with my MIL staying at our house, but it's easier for everyone to meet at her house.

I'm just a punctual person when I have to be somewhere and if I know I'm running late, I'll call ASAP. Heck, even if I'm going to be 5 minutes late for a meeting, I'll text the other party because it's due to drive time. I see that as nothing more than a common courtesey.

I’m not faulting you Sig….

Your MIL is the one responsible for her misery…

She is just enabling bad behavior.

 

[Sigarms]

Admittedly I can be a dick, but I do not tend to get walked on either….

I think we can share those same traits, but when it comes to family and causing harm to the one you love for not giving up a hill because you don't want to lose the battle, you could end up losing the war.

Honestly, I'd just love to sit down with everyone and find out exactly what goes on in their mind when they know what time they are supposed to show up and they can never make it on time. My wife is against that idea

 

[lilranch2001]

I think we can share those same traits, but when it comes to family and causing harm to the one you love for not giving up a hill because you don't want to lose the battle, you could end up losing the war.

Honestly, I'd just love to sit down with everyone and find out exactly what goes on in their mind when they know what time they are supposed to show up and they can never make it on time. My wife is against that idea

I can tell you and I don’t know them…..
They are self absorbed piglets!

 

[Sigarms]

I’m not faulting you Sig….

Your MIL is the one responsible for her misery…

She is just enabling bad behavior.

Again, I agree with you.

That said, you can take 5 kids raised in the same house with the same moral values and work ethic, and all 5 kids can turn out differently.

My wife is a lot like her parents. Smart and uses common sense and knows fiscal management. Let's just say it stops there with my wife...

I can't blame my MIL for wanted the whole family at her house over the holidays, particularly when she lost her husband two years ago. Also can't blame her for not raising a stink about tardiness.

Besides that, I'm the son in law, not the son LOL

Generally I keep my mouth shut because I really do love my in laws. I'm just venting here...

 

[lilranch2001]

Well on a thread I wished love and peace for all of us, I have shown enough of my arse…..

Good luck dude!

 

[Sigarms]

Well on a thread I wished love and peace for all of us, I have shown enough of my arse…..

No worries, I know how you feel as I'm the one who started this thread and I'm the one complaining about family.

Honestly, just looking for feedback as perhaps I'm not being enough of a dick

That said, if the gathering isn't held in your own home, no certain if you even have the right to complain about others being tardy.

Like I mentioned before, I see it as nothing more than common sense and courtesy.

 

[Torvy]

I'd just tell the habitually late ones that the start time is 2-3 hours before I really planned on eating. You are much more patient than me.

With our kids eating is more casual at gatherings. We snack until everyone is there and hungry and we may sit down at a table, or maybe just buffet style and relax.

Completely different with my parents. Dad is diabetic and mom is a retired RN and very German. Meals are always at the table and at a fixed time. The closest of us are 12-13 hour drive, so timing is more about stopping whatever activities are going on to go eat.

I completely understand your frustration as wife's side doesn't really do punctual. Those gatherings are rare, though. Don't let their behavior affect your health.