Growing Old With Dignity

[check 6]

I have been the guardian and power of attorney for three relatives all ending in nursing homes one for 13 years, one for 5 years and one for three months and that is the last place I want to be and at 76 + that could happen. My mom died in her sleep at home and that was a blessing we don’t know when it is our turn and can only hope it is quick and peaceful

 

[Diggin It]

In a civilized society, I do not understand why we cannot go to a specialized clinic and choose not to waste away in agony.

 

[Industrial Toys]

Maybe better still, the clinic would come to us. Hope they "call" first though.

 

[Big Barn]

We have assisted dying laws here in Canada.

Get the Facts: Bill C-14 and Assisted Dying Law in Canada - Dying With Dignity Canada

 

[rekees4300]

In a civilized society, I do not understand why we cannot go to a specialized clinic and choose not to waste away in agony.

Because there are those in power who believe death-with-dignity is not our choice. That's the law in most states.

 

[Ortimber]

Well, good luck with that and others who contemplate taking themselves out rather than be a burden or enter a nursing home if you develop Alzheimer or dementia.

I know how I would like to go naturally, but my end of life here on earth is not my decision to make. When and how is up to God.

Trust me, I'd rather not ever be in a position where I have to decide how and when I go.

 

[downsizingnow48]

My father in law passed away at 98, day before Christmas. Until age 94 he continued to drive around on his own. After a minor stroke his long time doctor insisted he stop driving. Until age 96 he remained active and lived independently, although with lots of support from the family. My wife and I some years earlier relocated to Sacramento from Virginia only for that reason, to be close by.

For the last two years he was in an assisted living home, Eskaton, one of the best. Located about 5 minutes from where we live. So we could see the old gentleman actually more often than when he was on his own. He had to move there after a bad fall at home broke his upper thigh. Also his memory was getting worse and worse. We looked at all possible alternatives, given the need for 24 hr support. The assisted living place was the best in a situation where you have no good options.

I handled his finances for the last 5 years of his life after he became too forgetful. He was fortunate I would say. The assisted living place was about $65k per year. His retirement income, rental income, and an insurance payout for long term care covered it, just about a wash. He did not have to dig into his savings. He worried constantly about having his estate eaten up by medical expenses and nothing to leave to his children.

I would say he maintained his dignity but it took some fairly serious cash to make that possible.

My wife and I have long term health care insurance, hoping never to use it! But if so, we hope it is adequate so we are not a burden on the surviving spouse or our children in any way. Although it is a separate matter, we also set up a trust so that shifting assets will be easy when the time comes.

 

[Complete Turf Care]

Interesting thread. My parents are in their mid 80's and now live in an assisted living home. About 4 years ago, they were no longer able to care for themselves and required 24 hour sitters. This was costing them about $14,000 per month.

My mom's mother was in a nursing home for about 8 years. Because my mom witnessed her mom living in the nursing home, she really resisted leaving her own home and moving to the assisted living.

But, my siblings and I could not sit and care for them at their home, and at $14,000 per month, the money would not last long. So we decided to move them to assisted living. Now, their cost is about $6500 per month.

We researched many options and did everything we could to keep them in their own home, but we finally decide the assisted living was the best option.

Now that they have been there for 4 years, I feel it was the best option. Mom's memory has deteriorated and dad can no longer walk and needs help with personal hygiene.

One of the best things my dad ever did was purchase a long term care policy. It pays about $4800 a month for their care. If not for that, there would be very little if any of their estate left.

I'll be 59 next week and I have not done anything yet for my wife and I's long term care. I need to make more plans soon. Just like my dad did.

 

[ovrszd]

Richard I like the way you think.

I'm only 24, of course when I start to do something physical then I'm 70. For everything else I'm 56. :laughing:

I and my bride do not plan to be a burden on our boys. I have enough coming in and saved up to insure this. I do not fear death at all. I fear not living, that's why I ride a Harley and ride my sled like I'm 24.

This thread caused me to step back and take a look. I don't socialize with anyone my age. I hang out with 40 somethings. The locals in that age group wave at me when I meet them on the road. They take time to come up to me in public and have a conversation. I think they think I'm their age. I'm gonna continue this deception as long as I can. I hope you do too Lynn.

 

[ovrszd]

In a civilized society, I do not understand why we cannot go to a specialized clinic and choose not to waste away in agony.

You can cash out anytime you choose.

 

[Larry Caldwell]

Because there are those in power who believe death-with-dignity is not our choice. That's the law in most states.

Ending your life is a basic human right that no government has ever managed to take from people. Buy a copy of Derek Humphre's Final Exit and choose your poison. As long as you do it yourself, it's nobody's business but yours.

 

[goeduck]

Our buddy, Crash RIP, he went quick.

 

[Doofy]

Our buddy, Crash RIP, he went quick.

I too will hoist a pint for "Crash" Rest in Peace!

 

[Diggin It]

The monthly billing amounts I'm seeing posted here are not dignified.

 

[Complete Turf Care]

Interesting thread. My parents are in their mid 80's and now live in an assisted living home. About 4 years ago, they were no longer able to care for themselves and required 24 hour sitters. This was costing them about $14,000 per month.

My mom's mother was in a nursing home for about 8 years. Because my mom witnessed her mom living in the nursing home, she really resisted leaving her own home and moving to the assisted living.

But, my siblings and I could not sit and care for them at their home, and at $14,000 per month, the money would not last long. So we decided to move them to assisted living. Now, their cost is about $6500 per month.

We researched many options and did everything we could to keep them in their own home, but we finally decide the assisted living was the best option.

Now that they have been there for 4 years, I feel it was the best option. Mom's memory has deteriorated and dad can no longer walk and needs help with personal hygiene.

One of the best things my dad ever did was purchase a long term care policy. It pays about $4800 a month for their care. If not for that, there would be very little if any of their estate left.

I'll be 59 next week and I have not done anything yet for my wife and I's long term care. I need to make more plans soon. Just like my dad did.

I don't think I really made my point in my previous post, so I'll try to make it here.

Some have posted here that they never want to live in a nursing home, and that was the same way my parents felt. However, it got to a point that there was really no other good choice. They now live where all of their meals are prepared, they have nurses administer their medications, and all of their needs are met.

Dad understood that this was necessary, but mom never really accepted it. She is better with it now, but the Alzheimers is getting stronger.

They are in an Assisted Living facility, which is different than a nursing home, but it is still not their own home. I am very pleased with the care they get now. Both would probably not be here anymore if they had stayed in their own home. If I ever get to be in the same position they are now, I feel that I would be happy to be in a facility like theirs now.

As far as their dignity, my dad is living with very little dignity left in his life. He has no control of his bladder and bowel activity and has to depend on the assistants to change him and bath him. He can still feed himself.

There are some days that I wish the Good Lord would call him up to heaven, but I also know that we would all miss him very much.....

 

[Bird]

This is a very interesting thread, especially posts #4, #8, #19, and #36. I agree with each of them. I do believe that some of those who think they have everything planned may be in for a big surprise. I know my Dad and his Dad never wanted to go to a nursing home, but eventually had to. Of course, in my days as a police officer, I've seen some suicides, one was even a Baptist preacher uncle of mine by marriage. Could I do it? Probably not, but I do think that should be a legally available option to those who wish to do so.

We have tried to plan ahead as much as possible to make things as easy on our daughters as possible. My wife and I both have Living Wills, Do Not Resuscitate Clauses, our funerals (and cremation) are already paid for, the niche in the columbarium at the cemetery already has our names on it.

I'm 79 and if I live another 12 months, I will have lived longer than any male member of my family has ever lived. Now I made my peace with God long ago, so I'm not in any hurry to go, but I'm ready anytime he is.

 

[ovrszd]

Bird, the longer I live the less I fear death. And the list of those I'm anxious to see again grows.

 

[rekees4300]

Ending your life is a basic human right that no government has ever managed to take from people. Buy a copy of Derek Humphre's Final Exit and choose your poison. As long as you do it yourself, it's nobody's business but yours.

I agree it is a basic human right but the states' governments have enacted a hodgepodge of arbitrary laws that make the use of that right difficult. It's unfortunate the US Constitution doesn't have that right spelled out like the right to bear arms. Consequently it's left up to the states to officially address the death-with-dignity issue. Unofficially, far as I'm concerned, those laws are irrelevant.